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What job application have you ever filled out that posed the question "Have you ever been ARRESTED for any MISDEMEANOR crimes when you were UNDER the age of 18?" I doubt it. More than likely the question was "Have you ever been CONVICTED of a FELONY in the past SEVEN years?" How is an arrest going to keep her from going to college or getting a job? You are being incredibly overdramatic about this.
And if a lawyer is so warranted, why can't she be responsible for the fees, since SHE is the one who caused the arrest? Whether her dad should have taken her there or not is beside the point. She's the one who went ballistic and got herself arrested. And being "too drunk" to reason or listen is not an excuse, it's all the more reason she should be taking some responsibility for her actions. Just saying.
Do they have the modern technology, like telephony, roads? What obstacle would prevent from asking them directly?
Ivory, is it YOU who is scared of the possibility of having to see the pouty face daily staring at you? Of the verbality she may hurl at you - she, the special gifted golden popular child, - at you, the opportunity-giver?
Actually, we've been dealing with sobbing daily. Dd#2 is certain that her life is over. She believes that everything she ever did is now ruined. It is very difficult to watch a child go through this. Unfortunately, with what I'm reading here, I can't offer her any reassurances. Her worst fears may very well play out. I had no idea she had so much at stake because of an MIP. This thread has been a real eye opener there. Let's just hope her lawyer can mitigate the damages.
What job application have you ever filled out that posed the question "Have you ever been ARRESTED for any MISDEMEANOR crimes when you were UNDER the age of 18?" I doubt it. More than likely the question was "Have you ever been CONVICTED of a FELONY in the past SEVEN years?" How is an arrest going to keep her from going to college or getting a job? You are being incredibly overdramatic about this.
And if a lawyer is so warranted, why can't she be responsible for the fees, since SHE is the one who caused the arrest? Whether her dad should have taken her there or not is beside the point. She's the one who went ballistic and got herself arrested. And being "too drunk" to reason or listen is not an excuse, it's all the more reason she should be taking some responsibility for her actions. Just saying.
My last dozen or so job applications asked if I had ever been arrested for anything. (I was applying for teaching jobs) Dd's lawyer told her it's a common question on an application and even if he can get her off with a clean record she must answer truthfully, for the rest of her life, that she has been arrested if asked if she's ever been arrested. He did tell her that most employers will offer her the chance to explain if they have the question on the application but some won't. Unfortunately, this one follows her no matter what the lawyer does and it will never go away. It doesn't go away even if her record is later expunged. All that goes away then is the conviction. What the lawyer can do is help her avoid conviction. Conviction adds one more level of complexity when looking for a job. I've seen the question "Have you ever been convicted in a court of law (usually clarified to exclude traffic violations)? on many a job application.
You and I are on different pages. I don't consider a drunk person responsible for their actions beyond getting drunk in the first place. That's the problem with getting drunk. You can lose control and do things you normally would not have. IMO there is a world of difference between going "ballistic" when drunk and when sober. I'm not sure I'd call shoving a cop going "ballistic" though. Stupid, yes but as I've stated before, dd was too drunk to realize that her father had indeed actually taken her to the police. In her world view that is not something a father would do. She did not believe she was dealing with the police at the time.
Actually, we've been dealing with sobbing daily. Dd#2 is certain that her life is over. She believes that everything she ever did is now ruined. It is very difficult to watch a child go through this.
She is not going to die as a result of this situation. Therefore her actions are a drama scene. She did an adult thing and as an adult would, she needs to face the consequences without blaming others. Every time she comes out with "if dad didn't take me there" the response needs to be " if you didn't drink he wouldn't have taken you there". The damage is done and dwelling on what has already happened isn't helping anyone.
Worrying about what may happen is a sincere waste of time and energy. Planning for possible outcomes is different. You need to have a talk with her about the next steps. Worrying doesn't help. Cross the bridges as you come to them with a plan in mind. Be flexible in the plans as well.
Now is where you both as parents can teach lessons in life and for life.
She needs to get past being upset. It's done. Being upset isn't going to change the situation and it certainly isn't going to help it.
Everyone, not just kids, makes plans in life. Sometimes something happens that puts the monkey wrench into the original plans and as survivors, we are sometimes forced to come up with plan B.
My last dozen or so job applications asked if I had ever been arrested for anything. (I was applying for teaching jobs) Dd's lawyer told her it's a common question on an application and even if he can get her off with a clean record she must answer truthfully, for the rest of her life, that she has been arrested if asked if she's ever been arrested. He did tell her that most employers will offer her the chance to explain if they have the question on the application but some won't. Unfortunately, this one follows her no matter what the lawyer does and it will never go away. It doesn't go away even if her record is later expunged. All that goes away then is the conviction. What the lawyer can do is help her avoid conviction. Conviction adds one more level of complexity when looking for a job. I've seen the question "Have you ever been convicted in a court of law (usually clarified to exclude traffic violations)? on many a job application.
You and I are on different pages. I don't consider a drunk person responsible for their actions beyond getting drunk in the first place. That's the problem with getting drunk. You can lose control and do things you normally would not have. IMO there is a world of difference between going "ballistic" when drunk and when sober. I'm not sure I'd call shoving a cop going "ballistic" though. Stupid, yes but as I've stated before, dd was too drunk to realize that her father had indeed actually taken her to the police. In her world view that is not something a father would do. She did not believe she was dealing with the police at the time.
I think the question asked is usually, "Have you been convicted", not arrested. If she gets off, she can truthfully answer "no". If not, she'll have to be honest, yes. However, juveniles are generally treated a little less harshly under the law.
Actually, we've been dealing with sobbing daily. Dd#2 is certain that her life is over. She believes that everything she ever did is now ruined. It is very difficult to watch a child go through this. Unfortunately, with what I'm reading here, I can't offer her any reassurances. Her worst fears may very well play out. I had no idea she had so much at stake because of an MIP. This thread has been a real eye opener there. Let's just hope her lawyer can mitigate the damages.
I don't understand this post in the least. Unless we're reading different threads, what you've read here is that she may be suspended from cheer for at least a semester and that she may have her DL delayed (although since it doesn't seem she got an MIP who knows whether this is an issue). Neither of those things is life ending or even high school ending... You are the only one claiming all of this. You.
My last dozen or so job applications asked if I had ever been arrested for anything. (I was applying for teaching jobs) Dd's lawyer told her it's a common question on an application and even if he can get her off with a clean record she must answer truthfully, for the rest of her life, that she has been arrested if asked if she's ever been arrested. He did tell her that most employers will offer her the chance to explain if they have the question on the application but some won't. Unfortunately, this one follows her no matter what the lawyer does and it will never go away. It doesn't go away even if her record is later expunged. All that goes away then is the conviction. What the lawyer can do is help her avoid conviction. Conviction adds one more level of complexity when looking for a job. I've seen the question "Have you ever been convicted in a court of law (usually clarified to exclude traffic violations)? on many a job application.
You and I are on different pages. I don't consider a drunk person responsible for their actions beyond getting drunk in the first place. That's the problem with getting drunk. You can lose control and do things you normally would not have. IMO there is a world of difference between going "ballistic" when drunk and when sober. I'm not sure I'd call shoving a cop going "ballistic" though. Stupid, yes but as I've stated before, dd was too drunk to realize that her father had indeed actually taken her to the police. In her world view that is not something a father would do. She did not believe she was dealing with the police at the time.
I didn't realize she actually put her hands on the officer. Total different ball game, you should be thanking your lucky stars one of the charges is not "assaulting a police officer." Big difference in being mouthy and shoving.
If my child drunk or not shoved a police officer, his life as he knew it would be OVER!
You and I are on different pages. I don't consider a drunk person responsible for their actions beyond getting drunk in the first place. That's the problem with getting drunk. You can lose control and do things you normally would not have. IMO there is a world of difference between going "ballistic" when drunk and when sober. I'm not sure I'd call shoving a cop going "ballistic" though. Stupid, yes but as I've stated before, dd was too drunk to realize that her father had indeed actually taken her to the police. In her world view that is not something a father would do. She did not believe she was dealing with the police at the time.
Well, whatever you personally believe, most of the world certainly thinks differently. Good luck using this argument to save her if she gets behind a wheel while drinking or grabs at a cop's gun and gets shot for it. Your defense of her behaviour while intoxicated is shocking and enabling. Hey, I guess if she gets THAT drunk again with some boy and she is sexually assaulted, it's not his fault, right? After all, he's been drinking, he didn't know that no means no
I would be absolutely irritated if my 18 year old moved in with a boyfriend but you really are focusing on the wrong problem.
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