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She's nothing like she was that night. She's angry at her father and I don't blame her. I'd be angry at mine if he did this too.
Now had you decided to hide your anger toward him from her, she might could be working on her issues now instead of pretending, like you are, that he is somehow responsible for this. You need to tell her that while you would have handled it differently, it is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT her own fault that she is in tis trouble.
Mind you, I know you won't do this. You fail to see your reaction to what he did is part of the reason she is acting like a spoiled little princess here. You are not helping her at all in any way.
I am so sorry to hear of what's happened to you. Sorry but I can't read this whole thread so here it goes...hang in there. It's good you care
If your daughter and your husband are talking, consider that a blessing. In no way would I continue a relationship with such a dangerous man. I'm sorry but a Father is to protect their daughter, not get them arrested. Especially for something so trivial. And moreso since she sounds like such a neat person. She's far more than most people hope for in a daughter.
Getting drunk is one thing, getting someone arrested purposefully is another. In fact, it's likely I'd temporarily separate from my husband if he did so. Just to show how bad this is to your children. Yes, you should have stopped this. Even if it meant calling the Police on your husband. Threatening him. You need to protect your children, not stand by assuming an outcome will be favorable. People get raped by Cops, they are strangers who have no business having total control over your Teen. Or anyone else unnecessarily. She is no danger to society. it's done with now. And with counseling, or some very hard earned trust, you and your husband may be able to earn back their trust. To parent them, I'm not sure either of you have much say so in their lives now. Either of them. But you care, and that counts. And kids love their parents so it can be forgiven.
Everyone knows that when you enter a police station trying to advertise a crime, they need to do act. Again, he sounds dangerous to me. A real hothead. I am not sure if he should be parenting at all. This is not just an accident. If you can afford it, try counseling with the whole family. It should help salvage the relationships here. A heart to heart talk about all your screw ups with your children, which obviously far exceed a night of too much drinking, is in order.
I am sure this isn't the first shannanigan your husband has pulled. Despite the fact your Daughter has been stellar so far. Please act to prevent your children from spiralling downward. In just reading this means i have to hold back tears. I can't imagine doing this to our 22year old, now or when he was 15 or 18 or at any time. And the damage its done to her sibling can't be overlooked either.
My husband and I have raised our son. He came back home recently, he's 22 still in College. Upon him leaving, he felt my rules were too harsh. They were to some extent. So I think that part will be ok. All your Husband can do now is grovel. Maybe make an appointment for counseling. I've never heard of such evil behavior towards a daughter in my life. She got drunk, she didn't kill anyone. His intentions don't make the crime he committed against his own flesh and blood, whom he promised to protect, any better. I also used to be a substitute Teacher. I worked during the summers here at our local Juvenile Hall. It can be a very dangerous place, most people would never risk sending their children there. Not sure if drunkeness counts, but if she is involved in anything, even by accident, it could play a part in sending her there. I will add your family to my prayers.
Last edited by californiawomann5; 11-10-2013 at 10:07 AM..
I Her lawyer says a lot depends on which judge she gets and their mood that day.
Then she's in trouble and you're not helping. She'll be in there showing attitude because she (and you) are still mad because he caused all of this. *(In your mind)
A couple I know had a 15 year old daughter picked up for shoplifting. It was unclear if she really meant to shoplift, she was with a friend and they were in the mall looking at makeup, the girl was admiring some piece of makeup, lipstick I think and then put it down saying it was too expensive. Her friend picked it back up, put it into her jacket pocket and grabbed her telling her "hurry up we're out of here". The girl with the item in her jacket was arrested. Her parents pretty much believed that is what happened as they had given her money for a movie and food and since the girls skipped the movie, she could have paid for the item if she really wanted to have it.
The thing is which did shock her parents was when they went down to the police station, they saw their generally sweet daughter trying to act tough and defiant with the police which of course didn't help her case. They said that was the more surprising part of it, maybe it was really trying to cover up her fear or keep from crying that she put on a little act trying to look like a tough criminal. It was just a one-time thing, the daughter works as a teacher now.
Dd was not acting like herself. Could be the booze, could be the situation. I don't know. I don't think how we act around the police is telling of who we are though. I don't act like myself around the police.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 11-10-2013 at 10:03 AM..
She's nothing like she was that night. She's angry at her father and I don't blame her. I'd be angry at mine if he did this too.
She shouldn't be angry with him. Her actions with the police are what got her into trouble. She apparently gets violent when drunk --- that is not good.
I think you need to tell her that she's obviously a problem drinker if she can't control herself even with the cops if she's had a drink. I would not defend her or make her think she's some kind of victim.
If it were me, I would not see this as the end of the world, but I would crack down very hard, no chance to drive at age 16, no car. I think it's time for her to get a job also and pay her own legal costs and have something better to do with her time than drunken partying.
If her social life is affected -- all the better, she's not in with a very good crowd, she would be better off hanging out with the dorky kids who don't drink.
If your daughter and your husband are talking, consider that a blessing. In no way would I continue a relationship with such a dangerous man. I'm sorry but a Father is to protect their daughter, not get them arrested. Especially for something so trivial. And moreso since she sounds like such a neat person. She's far more than most people hope for in a daughter.
Getting drunk is one thing, getting someone arrested purposefully, is another. In fact, it's likely I'd separate from my husband if he did so. This is very serious damage to your relationships, all of you that your husband is that evil. Everyone knows that when you enter a police station trying to advertise a crime, they need to do act. Nowadays it;s about money, that's it.
Wow. What color is the sky in your world? He's dangerous?!
Dd was not acting like herself. Could be the booze, could be the situation. I don't know. I don't think how we act around the police is telling of who we are though. I don't act like myself around the police. I'm very guarded. I learned the hard way that the police are not your friend.
You come across more as a 15-year-old friend to the daughter than a parent.
Dd was not acting like herself. Could be the booze, could be the situation. I don't know. I don't think how we act around the police is telling of who we are though. I don't act like myself around the police. I'm very guarded. I learned the hard way that the police are not your friend.
I've had police involved with a couple of my kids -- minor things but I make it clear to my kids that I'm 100% on the side of the police, I'm worse than the police. I think the police are their friends -- the police are what's out there picking up the pieces of drunken drivers off the roads, drunken 16 year old drivers. We get lots of kids here killed --- drunken passengers as well as drunken drivers.
Actually I think you should take her down to the police station and make her apologize to the cops for behaving poorly -- now that she's sober, she should be able to see where she was wrong.
I've had police involved with a couple of my kids -- minor things but I make it clear to my kids that I'm 100% on the side of the police, I'm worse than the police. I think the police are their friends -- the police are what's out there picking up the pieces of drunken drivers off the roads, drunken 16 year old drivers. We get lots of kids here killed --- drunken passengers as well as drunken drivers.
Actually I think you should take her down to the police station and make her apologize to the cops for behaving poorly -- now that she's sober, she should be able to see where she was wrong.
Dh called but was told to save it for the court date.
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