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ahhhh yes, the "F'ing" Four's. I remember them well.
Two books we read that really helped:
Strong Willed Child
Dare to Discipline
Both are written by Dr. James Dobson and while you may not agree with the religion angle, the parenting advice for us was spot on.
Agreed! Dobson helped me keep things in perspective.
ANYTHING by John Rosemond is very helpful, too. Google him and look on Amazon for his books. He also has his own website and you can order books from there (or check the local library).
The Positive Discipline series, or maybe Love and Logic. I'm not crazy about L&L because to me it treats kids like projects more than family members, but it's good if the alternative is screaming and constant punishing.
I don't mean any disrespect, but are you setting a good role model? Its easier said than done for me, to keep an even tone and explain patiently, my 4yo is a mini adult it seems and loves to counter opine, so calm logic works best. Its true in our house, kids make us better people
But really I find this such a cute age, with the tantrums and all. Loves to be in charge and be given small tasks, can't stand any disagreement , we're working on that
Are there any good resources that help with this stage. My husband and I are really frustrated with our four year old and we are at our wits end trying to cope.
What kinds of things are frustrating you?
I suggest Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen.
A summary of the chapters put together by the Positive Parenting babycenter moms can be found here:
1-2-3 magic. Love and Logic. NOT ROSEMOND! His methods are horribly punitive, and he recommends punishing children for symptoms of medical illness beyond their control, such as encopresis (caused by chronic constipation, not deliberate soiling). I'm a real no-nonsense type of firm parent, but I consider Rosemond to be just a horrid sicko.
Looking back, we found the kids to be delightful as four year olds. As teenagers, not so much. If you're having real trouble with your four year old, try a visit to the pediatrician. He may have some useful advice. After that, a child behavioral specialist, if needed.
There is one that helped me and I believe it's out of print but you can still find it. Taming the Dragon in Your Child. It was published by Wiley. I don't remember the author but it helped me to see things differently and changed my approach also.
I also like 1-2-3 magic. I tried Love and Logic and it worked for awhile but it wore out over time for everyone. L & L did not work at all for my super sweet and smart yet highly manipulative and strong willed middle child. He started turning it back on me, "mom, do you want buy me a soda or would you like to give me money for video games"? It became a frustrating word game for all.
Another great book I have been loving especially as they get older is "Beyond Timeout". Supportive about being firm yet does not recommend things I find too punitive.
With my first child four was the magic age where he became wonderful and easy. With my second--well...he's 7 and I'm still waiting for the magic age.... my youngest is 3 and I think he is now entering a rocky stage because he has been so mellow and easy until now. It's funny and interesting how they all can be so different!
Are there any good resources that help with this stage. My husband and I are really frustrated with our four year old and we are at our wits end trying to cope.
Please don't make the mistake my parents made to me, by telling me that I had a "talking problem", that I didn't say words correctly, etc. I'm a lot older now but I'm still nervous on how I talk.
What does your kid like? What does he like to watch on TV?
Go to the library, and get a lot of different books. Let the kid choose which one he wants YOU to read to him/her. Then say "now your turn to read to me". If he gets nervous or resists, say " I already read to you, I would LOVE to hear you read to me!" "If you have trouble , I'll come in and help you"
Seriously, going overboard and acting like there's something wrong with a 4-5 year old because they can't read up to your standards yet, is quite harsh.
The best thing you can give your child is love. Children know when you aren't happy with them. Children know when you are mad at them. Children hate when you don't want to spend time with them.
Just remember, that if you don't appreciate them now, with all their "imperfections that you see", they will eventually grow to despise you, and you will be so sad that they never care to tell you anything one day.
Please don't make the mistake my parents made to me, by telling me that I had a "talking problem", that I didn't say words correctly, etc. I'm a lot older now but I'm still nervous on how I talk.
What does your kid like? What does he like to watch on TV?
Go to the library, and get a lot of different books. Let the kid choose which one he wants YOU to read to him/her. Then say "now your turn to read to me". If he gets nervous or resists, say " I already read to you, I would LOVE to hear you read to me!" "If you have trouble , I'll come in and help you"
Seriously, going overboard and acting like there's something wrong with a 4-5 year old because they can't read up to your standards yet, is quite harsh.
The best thing you can give your child is love. Children know when you aren't happy with them. Children know when you are mad at them. Children hate when you don't want to spend time with them.
Just remember, that if you don't appreciate them now, with all their "imperfections that you see", they will eventually grow to despise you, and you will be so sad that they never care to tell you anything one day.
The OP is looking for parenting books to help them deal with their 4 year old...not books for the child to read....
The OP is looking for parenting books to help them deal with their 4 year old...not books for the child to read....
I guess harley still not read that good
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