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"He is not academic." So, going to college is a waste of money regardless of source. He evidently is willing to work. The whole concept of 8-5 with benefits is disappearing. He can take tests to see what his aptitude might be. Perhaps going to chef school? Who knows. Very important to be an encouragement. If it were me, I'd charge him something well within reason, but I'd place it in a separate account and one day give it to him as a gift if he is really trying to make his way in the world. I had a college grad serving me in a Mexican restaurant the other day here at the home of University of Georgia. There are college grads by the hundreds working fast food, bartending and in retail. If you have a good Vo-tech school in your area, encourage him to look into their programs. He can also take the military entrance exams (no charge, no obligation) that can help him get direction based on his abilities. Encouraging and pushing are first cousins and frankly the pushing cousin usually results in bad feelings. Go carefully.
My one Son lived at home until he was 28 and we didn't charge him a penny, we were happy to have him there. But it paid dividends because he was able to get himself on his feet and get a good career going. But I am being repaid now because I live with him and I only have to split the utilities, so my kindness to him didn't go unnoticed.
I believe that we don't just have kids for 18 years, we have them for life, and if they need our help, regardless of their age, we should do whatever we can. Some people feel that breeds kids who mooch, but I am living proof it doesn't have to be that way. Both of mine are hardworking, honest, productive members of society with good careers.........they both make more than I ever did, and I like to think the time we gave them to get their lives going helped that happen.
So, my advice to you is, if you aren't hurting for the money, help him out by not charging him rent. But if you see he is starting to take advantage of that, pull the plug. And BTW, don't sweat the college thing, not everyone needs to have a degree to be successful.
Our son moved back in with us he is 23 we charge him 300.00 month which covers everything including his cell phone and car insurance. He pays 150.00 on the 1st and 150.00 on the 15th. He wants to return to college is taking one class next semester I have saved all his rent and now have the money for tuition, just one class is 1000.00. Eventually he will move back out and will be in the habit of paying rent. He also loves to eat so he is getting a bargain, homemade meals most nights and plenty of food in the fridge and pantry.
I promise I will come back and comment! I haven't had a chance yet, and am leaving in 10 minutes and don't have a chance now. Thank you for ALL of the advice, and I will be back. Back to give you rep points too!!!!
But one point: I don't want money because I really need money (I could use it, but that is 0 percent why). I am afraid of him slacking off and doing nothing. All his life it was hard to find something to motivate him to do anything- he'd rather sit in his room and do nothing. I think he took this job because he graduated and didn't want to sit in his room all summer, so making money is better than nothing (he doesn't really have any friends besides one). So I'm afraid if I don't start to charge him and make him think paying me rent is going to deplete his money...then there's a chance that he might fall back to being unmotivated again. I do want him being someone "when he grows up".
Charge him and hold him to it. Even if you don't want the money, take it and put it into an account. If he buys a house or gets married or something in the future, you can gift him the cash.
The important thing is the lesson you will be teaching him. We all must learn accountability.
Don't forget to also charge for utilities, cable, internet and food. I think $250-$500 would work.
My son has no expenses. He has his permit- but no license. We got his permit for him right before he went away, so he hasn't had time to learn to drive yet, so there's no car expenses yet. He pays the $45 it will cost for him to be on our cell phone plan, monthly. If he needs clothes, he'll buy them. If he needs bus money or anything like that, he'll pay. He's on our health insurance, but he'll pay any deductibles he'll need to pay if he goes to the doctor.
He does save his money. He's not a spender, so him spending his money shouldn't be an issue.
I did give thought to saving part of what he would pay in rent, and give it back to him at one point.
I don't know if I can still claim him as a dependent. Technically, he was paid "under the table" I believe...so without a job, I would believe i can still claim him.
I think college helps with a good job, but I do understand it's not the be all-end all. My husband is a postal worker with no education and makes more than me (I'm a teacher with a degree and financial aid bills up the behind). My father is some important guy in data entry or something making $80K- yes, if he had a degree he'd be making well over 100K, but still, for having no college education, that's a nice income. he had to work hard over the years, going up the ranks, to get that though. He has drive.
I don't want to charge him money because I need it. I don't want to charge him money because I'm under the impression that once my child hits 18, he is a man and needs to start paying me. I want to charge him money to hit him a little of what it feels like to have to pay for something.
As for culinary school- I've thrown that out to him. He admits that he doesn't know what he wants to do. He does admit that he realizes that it would be very easy for him to go off on the wrong track and make it hard for him to have a career where he can actually afford a family/house/things that people naturally want. He's a good kid with no drive and no idea as to what to do with his life...and I don't want to force anything on him. I also don't want him never having any dreams, and hoped that if I hit him in the pocket just a little, that it might motivate him a little more to thinking harder about what he'd want to do.
In addition to charging him for staying at home, you should talk to him about saving money. Take a look at how much a room in a house would cost on craigslist around you, and charge him that. Charge him something for food, too. Then bank it all for him (without telling him) and when he needs money for a deposit on an apartment, or a downpayment on a car, give it to him.
That's a really good idea. It'll be a super nice surprise and a great way for you to reward him for also following through. If you keep planting the "reality" seed in the meantime (that life - food, rent, gas - isn't free), he should be very appreciative for the extra boost. Better yet, start an investment fund for him with it.
$50/wk. And if he pays early, put it in an account for him. Or something like that. If he does X work for you, let him have a bit of that back. don't make it hopeless.
I promise I will come back and comment! I haven't had a chance yet, and am leaving in 10 minutes and don't have a chance now. Thank you for ALL of the advice, and I will be back. Back to give you rep points too!!!!
But one point: I don't want money because I really need money (I could use it, but that is 0 percent why). I am afraid of him slacking off and doing nothing. All his life it was hard to find something to motivate him to do anything- he'd rather sit in his room and do nothing. I think he took this job because he graduated and didn't want to sit in his room all summer, so making money is better than nothing (he doesn't really have any friends besides one). So I'm afraid if I don't start to charge him and make him think paying me rent is going to deplete his money...then there's a chance that he might fall back to being unmotivated again. I do want him being someone "when he grows up".
I'll be back!
I think you have answered your own Question. Making him pay rent will change his behavior? I seriously doubt that.
You basically want to punish him for not acting responsibly but have you ever sat down with him and asked what does he want out of life? His dreams or his goals?
Why is he acting in such a manner? I know people who are "parents" but aren't very good at "Parenting".
Talk and encouragement goes a lot further than trying to "teach him a lesson' by making him pay rent.
I don't get why people impose "threats" on their teenage kids about things like this. I would think it's rather simple that once they turn 16 that you encourage they get a job and once they get that job then you teach them how paying bills work by taking X amount of money from him to help pay for the phone bills, cable bill, car insurance, etc.
I got a job 3 months after I turned 16 working weekends in a fine dining restaurant.. It made me anywhere between $150 - $300 per two weeks. My dad charged me $50 per month to help "pay" for Cable, Cell Phone, and Car Insurance.
On top of that he taught me the basics on saving and being careful with money and not taking each paycheck and going on a spending spree... oh and the importance of college and how it'll help not only further and better your education but also prepare you for the real world and being on your own and helping land a decent job (hopefully).
OP, you seemed very non-chilant about admitting that your son is "not an academic" and I read that part of your post as if it didn't shock you that he didn't go to college. Why put the full blame on your son for that, seems to me you may have enabled it by admitting defeat in that matter. You know what... school and taking tests didn't come easy for me. I struggled my first few years in high school before realizing I had to buckle down or else who knows where I'd be. With the encouragement of my parents and my older brother (who was in Penn State during high school)... they all helped me better myself and get through school and I worked hard and earned my way into Penn State.
As a parent your just as much as fault for your childs academic failures as he is.
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