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Old 11-15-2013, 05:16 PM
 
7 posts, read 5,649 times
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My son is 2 years old. I've never been very close to him especially because he's already asleep when I get home most days and he's still asleep when I leave him the morning.

I don't tolerate bad behaviour or impoliteness. I certainly won't be raising a spoiled brat like you see around so much these days. He knows that when I say no or tell him to stop, he'll suffer consequences if he doesn't comply. He does most of the time, though.

However, I notice that when he sees his mother at the end of the day, he spontaneously goes running to her for a hug whereas when he comes to me, he always looks down and asks if he can give me a kiss.

I thought this was normal and I think you shouldn't make him feel too at ease because his mother babies him so much already. However, my partner told me to watch carefully how he acts around me. She says he acts like a little soldier and not like a small boy around his father.

She also says she doesn't understand how I've never told him I love him. I mean, I never thought about it that way or that he would care much about it since she already smuggles him with hugging and kissing.

Do you think that it makes a difference him?

 
Old 11-15-2013, 05:33 PM
 
16,098 posts, read 17,899,425 times
Reputation: 15891
Of course it makes a difference. It is important to tell him you love him *and* to show him that you do. Hugging children is NOT going to make them stay babies. Children grow toward independence quite naturally.

Fathers and mothers do usually have different styles, but both should play with their children and be affectionate with them. Dads usually play more of the rough and tumble play that kids love and moms tend to play a bit more sedately (not always true, but in general). Studies have shown that, when fathers are affectionate and helpful, their children are more likely to get on well with their brothers and sisters (and probably with peers as well).

Both parents should also challenge their children to develop their skills and to explore the world. If you don't play with him, your child won't have the benefit of your knowledge of the world and its challenges. It is good to be a disciplinarian, but you have to know how to discipline appropriately. It's not good to have *consequences,* if the consequences are
harsh and unconnected to the *misbehavior.* Also, you need to know something about the developmental stages children go through and your discipline needs to be tied to that. Assuming that any misbehavior means the child is being bratty is just wrong.
 
Old 11-15-2013, 05:35 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,475,454 times
Reputation: 5570
... Is this a troll post?
Hope it is, otherwise I feel really sorry for that little boy.

Do you think that it makes a difference to him?
Um, yes, it makes a difference for a child to grow up not feeling that his father loves him, not receiving any affection, etc.

If you're going to be raising a child like a soldier, then yes, it's not surprising that he'll be acting 'like a little soldier' around you. He 'asks' if he can give you a kiss?? He clearly doesn't feel comfortable or secure with you. You're raising him to think of you as a drill sergeant, to fear you, not to love you. Do you even care about this child at all? Do you want a relationship with him when he's older? Do you want to be close? Or do you just not care? BTW, plenty of fathers leave early and work late, but that doesn't automatically prevent them from being close with their kids.

Your son is only 2! That's still a baby! And you're afraid to SPOIL him with hugs and kisses??!!!
You can still be firm and discipline and enforce consequences, AND show affection and love at the same time. One doesn't exclude the other - children need to know they're still loved even when they're being disciplined.
Newsflash: You can't "spoil" a child by showing them love. Gah.
 
Old 11-15-2013, 06:00 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,094,556 times
Reputation: 32406
you thought it was normal for your son to look down and ask permission for a kiss? are you for real? your kid needs to know you love him. he obviously doesn't. you need to fix that.
 
Old 11-15-2013, 06:11 PM
 
574 posts, read 1,099,031 times
Reputation: 1240
Your child definitely needs to hear that you love him. He needs physical affection as well as verbal affection. He is two years old, he should have 100% confidence in his parents love and support. BOTH parents!!!

That does not mean he is spoiled, or coddled. That means he is loved. Are your expectations of him at 2 years old realistic? Would you consider taking parenting classes, or at least reading some books that give you a realistic expectation of a 2 year old's abilities and what is considered normal behavior?

One thing that I have always done with my children, from the time they were young toddlers, was to reinforce to them that I loved them. Especially when they were in trouble, or being disciplined. They are 16 and 20 now, and I still tell them, when they are in trouble. "I can be angry with you, but I still love you. Always and forever."

Do you stop loving your wife if you have an argument with her? or do you love her even while being angry? The same holds for your son, I hope, and he NEEDS to know that. His self-esteem is being formed now, while he is young. If he doubts that his own father loves him, he will struggle for years, if not for a lifetime, with finding a way to love himself.
 
Old 11-15-2013, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,272 posts, read 41,861,706 times
Reputation: 83147
Your son is a person, not a pet.

Please put some effort into it, and give him the love and emotional security a child HAS to have.
 
Old 11-15-2013, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,655 posts, read 8,665,613 times
Reputation: 6768
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnAMS View Post

Do you think that it makes a difference him?
Yes, I think it makes a difference. Start showing him more affection and telling him how you love him - do it now while he's young, before some longer-term relationship or self-esteem problems can set in. The best gift you can give your son is to make him feel loved and cherished. You can do this through words and affection. Your partner sounds very astute about this.
 
Old 11-15-2013, 06:41 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,364,616 times
Reputation: 22356
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnAMS View Post
My son is 2 years old. I've never been very close to him especially because he's already asleep when I get home most days and he's still asleep when I leave him the morning.

I don't tolerate bad behaviour or impoliteness. I certainly won't be raising a spoiled brat like you see around so much these days. He knows that when I say no or tell him to stop, he'll suffer consequences if he doesn't comply. He does most of the time, though.

However, I notice that when he sees his mother at the end of the day, he spontaneously goes running to her for a hug whereas when he comes to me, he always looks down and asks if he can give me a kiss.

I thought this was normal and I think you shouldn't make him feel too at ease because his mother babies him so much already. However, my partner told me to watch carefully how he acts around me. She says he acts like a little soldier and not like a small boy around his father.

She also says she doesn't understand how I've never told him I love him. I mean, I never thought about it that way or that he would care much about it since she already smuggles him with hugging and kissing.

Do you think that it makes a difference him?
Men and women relate to their children differently. For CENTURIES men had little or no contact with their children until they got older, and they certainly did not tell them that they loved them, in the grand scheme of things it did not do any harm. I think that telling him "once in a while" that you love him should be sufficient. It is more important, I think to set an example about how to treat a woman, how to earn a living, how to be honest, truthful, responsible. I realize that he is only 2, but it's never too young to instill solid values into a child's mind. You'd be amazed what they can understand.

20yrsinBranson
 
Old 11-15-2013, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,024 posts, read 21,743,419 times
Reputation: 22204
I am with EvilCookie, this must be a troll post.
 
Old 11-15-2013, 07:17 PM
 
32,532 posts, read 30,665,435 times
Reputation: 32348
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnAMS View Post

I don't tolerate bad behaviour or impoliteness. I certainly won't be raising a spoiled brat like you see around so much these days. He knows that when I say no or tell him to stop, he'll suffer consequences if he doesn't comply.
So, you're not home.

Except when you are.

If he's asleep when you leave and when you return home..... when is all this "suffer consequences" stuff happening?
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