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Sounds like you can't trust your children to tell you the truth about where they are and where they are going.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
When you care about each other, letting Mom and Dad know where you are and who you'll be with is part of the package. The kids know you worry..... they tell you where they'll be. Such an easy thing to do when families are close. The number of people who seem to not believe that happens IRL is a little surprising to me. I dunno, maybe they come from dysfunctional families and can't understand the families that have love, affection and respect at their core.
Like the OP said, if the kids want to moniter him on GPS, they can do that, too. Its not about spying and lying and dysfunctional family. When families are real close, and have a deep care and concern about each other, its nice to just be able to just check up on them, when maybe calling would not be appropriate, like driving. We all have GPS on our phones. My husband or kids can feel free to GPS me at any time.... maybe they wants to know how much longer I'll be, or if I've left the store yet so they can ask me to pick up something else, or because they are worried because I'm out with friends and they thought I'd be home by now, and they don't want to disturb me but still want to check if I'm ok. I do the same thing with my kids. I don't want to be calling every 10 minutes to see what they are doing now, but I can open an app and see where everyone is. Maybe they originally went to go to Bobby's house, but all decided to go to Billy's. As long as they are in the neighborhood, I don't require a call at every little change, but its nice to be able to quickly reaffirm their location. This does not mean that there isn't love, affection, and respect at the core of my family.... indeed there is.
There was just a case in FL this week where their very trusted 19 year old daughter was late for her 2am curfew. The were worried when she didn't answer. Tracked her down via her GPS to find her dead along side the highway in an accident. Not that it helped them any in this case, but I for one want to know where my kids are at any given time, and sometimes they are just not available to tell you.
We don't have GPS tracking turned on (is this even possible on a non smart phone?) but we sure as heck spot check her electronic devices. Glad that we did because we found some alarming things that needed to be addressed with my daughter and the school. Parents can never be too careful. If my kid is angry with me because we've checked, such is life. I don't consider myself an overly protective or controlling parent. Then again, my daughter has behavior issues that we need to closely monitor---for her protection and ours. We simply can't trust her even though we've given her ample chances.
I can see both sides. You want to trust them yet teens will be teens. I don't see why it is bad for a parent to spot check on occasion. More frequently if there are underlying issues.
The thing is that people make mistakes and kids are people. Parents are not going to prevent their children from going places they shouldn't go and doing things they shouldn't do.
Last edited by Jaded; 11-23-2013 at 01:31 AM..
Reason: Removed deleted post
If that trust has already been broken not once but a few times, then what? Just keep trusting them blindly over and over? Where is the parenting in that? What would the child learn from that? That no matter what they do and how many times they lie, their parents will trust them.
And you seem to miss an important point, it isn't ALL kids, just the ones that need some type of guidance or monitoring to steer back on that path. And monitoring will actually help if the kid is where he or she supposed to be and eventually trust is regained. The "monitoring" will lessen naturally over time. You act like it's a noose around the neck to be jerked tight every time they step out of the house when it's the last thing I or some of the other posters meant.
If that trust has been broken they you don't give your kids the freedom they used to have. That means keeping them at home, taking away the keys to the car, etc. The minute I can't trust my kids to be where they say they will be is the minute they aren't allowed to drive our cars.
Any parent who uses a GPS app is an abusive control freak. Only "bad kids" with "bad parents" ever make bad choices. Teenagers never lie to parents who trust them.
Reality check. Teenagers lie, even the good ones. Teenagers make bad choices, even the good ones. That's why they are not adults yet they are still learning how to be adults. But anyone who thinks that teens only lie to bad parents are delusional. I know great kids who are responsible, mature, and who have made some ridiculously boneheaded decisions. There is no difference between checking up online occasionally to checking up on gps occasionally. Seriously, do all of those parents who claim GPS is too controlling really never go look at their children's online presence? Check their social media accounts?
Because in the day and age of internet choosing to just trust your child 100% of the time can and has cost lives.
Teaching children how to properly use a device is good advice yet a bit simplistic IMO. One can talk until they are blue in the face. We sure have. If trust is broken over and over again....and with her it goes beyond the boys....a parent must and should get involved. We've tried time outs, taking things away, earning back those things, talking for hours upon hours with a therapist, talking for hours and hours to our child. Some kids are just......how to say this nicely...........pig headed and won't listen and learn. If a parent refuses to get involved, especially if there are red flags, and something does happen, it is negligence on the parent's part--pure and simple. In fact we just had an incident with some really hateful bullying of a student in our school district that made the news and the charges were brought against the student. I'm sure that the parents are in hot water as well. If some parents were more "technological police officers" perhaps situations like these would be less likely to happen.
"A smart man knows a bandage only hides his wounds." Good quote but I will do one of my own. "A smart parent knows their child and will take every action to insure the safety of their child and the family, even if involves some hard decisions."
Last edited by Jaded; 11-23-2013 at 01:32 AM..
Reason: Removed deleted post
Lots of kids can't ditch their phones, not even for 2 minutes.
Then blame their parents for encouraging their children to become dependent on them. Kids who are too young to get jobs, rely on their parents to buy things for them (including phones and phone plans). Get a kid a no-frills phone, with no internet, no apps, no camera - just cellular communication and nothing else.
To the OP, I understand why your doing this and yes it is your right to do it as a parent who is paying for those phones. However, I can't help but wonder what damage you're doing to your relationship with your children. Trust is a huge factor and if your kids feel that you don't trust them may make them act out. It's a normal reaction, but one that may make things worse.
Talk to them and build trust. Then you won't have to track their whereabouts.
There is no Internet Privacy Act. This is something repeated by people who can't take thirty seconds of time to google the phrase. Here, I'll do it for you. Internet Privacy Act.
Last edited by Jaded; 11-23-2013 at 01:34 AM..
Reason: Removed deleted post
"The Internet Privacy Act is a non-existent and fictitious law cited by websites that conduct illegal activities in order to deter organizations that look to prosecute activities."
To the OP, I understand why your doing this and yes it is your right to do it as a parent who is paying for those phones. However, I can't help but wonder what damage you're doing to your relationship with your children. Trust is a huge factor and if your kids feel that you don't trust them may make them act out. It's a normal reaction, but one that may make things worse.
Talk to them and build trust. Then you won't have to track their whereabouts...
I don't think it's damaging to a relationship. This is coming from the child of a set of parents who monitored who I was calling by checking the incoming/outgoing calls and who had access to all my online e-mail/chat accounts. I actually felt that I had earned their trust and respect when I realized they weren't "snooping" as often and I did everything in my power to keep it that way. I felt more like an adult as the restrictions were lifted. I remember when, about 18 months before my 18th birthday, I had to change my e-mail account password. I went to hand it off to my mother per our agreement and she said she didn't want it, that she trusted me to make the right decisions. I felt more like an adult in that moment than I did doing much of anything else.
When I have kids, their "electronic activity" will be monitored heavily and restrictions will be pulled/reinstated as need be.
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