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Thank you Craig Creek. I appreciate your support and suggestions. I will check out the mentioned blog.
I always have lots of choice for the girls and they "usually" pick a fresh fruit but I do also have dried fruit like apricots, figs, raisins, banana chips. Sometimes they ask me to open a can of packed in- fruit -juice fruit cocktail so they can put some in some neat little containers I found. I asked my doctor if she would let me have some of those screw top urine sample holders she keeps in the bathroom. (Now somebody will come on here claiming I make my kids eat urine soaked fruit!lol
These are easier for her to open without spilling than pop up containers and I think leak proof.
They both love those small apples in the 5 lb bag and we have pears, clementines-a big favorite, any berry I can find in season and the favorite of grapes. I never tell them which to pick- just have a fruit in their lunch every day. I'm usually not even in the kitchen when they make their own lunches.
Their lunches are usually a small sandwich made on a mini bagel or wrap with lettuce, cheese and meat, grape tomatoes, pretzels or gold fish or cheese-its or graham crackers or wheat thins and fruit. Usually they like their fruit at snack time around 9-10 at school. The school is very strict about no junk food. This makes me very happy.
Sounds good - but just the same, I think in your place, I'd take bananas and other potentially messy items off the lunch menu for a while, just to let things settle down and to avoid conflict. As you note, there are plenty of other good choices.
Eight more pages of this non-conflict I couldn't bring myself to wade though and the last reply concerns whether of not it is legal to spank your child.
Yep, you can still beat them.
Has it been said yet that every person has his role and not all are equal? The child in question does not have the genetics of the others which may be the root of your concerns.
How are two siblings 19 years apart? You are kind of old to be raising kids so young.
Eight more pages of this non-conflict I couldn't bring myself to wade though and the last reply concerns whether of not it is legal to spank your child.
Yep, you can still beat them.
Has it been said yet that every person has his role and not all are equal? The child in question does not have the genetics of the others which may be the root of your concerns. Actually the only ones with the same genetics are the three oldest to which I was only a step mother. The next one is our only biological child and the next one was adopted as wel so there goes that theory all shot to hell. How are two siblings 19 years apart? You are kind of old to be raising kids so young.
Yes we require her to bow deeply, kiss our rings and utter "Here dear parental units- I bring to you my school book bag for your careful inspection. May I please go now to consume my perfectly healthy snack before you shackle me to the chair to work on homework for 6 hours straight? Thank you oh esteemed parental units. I will forever be grateful for your perfect parenting."
Should I be more literal? She is required to bring her back pack to me or her father directly and not leave it in the mud room which is what has caused us all so much grief. After she unpacks it and we discuss the contents and sign what needs to be signed she takes the bookbag back to her hook in the mud room.
Usually when she comes home from school I am working at my computer and she drops it at my feet, sits down on the floor to pet the dogs and we discuss her day. Sheeeeeesh.............
I think this may be your issue; you're making tiny things into big deals, which seems to be causing problems. Why is a backpack causing you grief? I'm not following the logic.
So I thought of this. I think the issue is that the root cause from HER perspective is unclear. If it were me, I would wipe the big marker board and write
Problem Statement: Communication to and from school
I think this may be your issue; you're making tiny things into big deals, which seems to be causing problems. Why is a backpack causing you grief? I'm not following the logic.
OK folks this is the last time I will explain this to somebody who obviously has not read the entire thread. Her teachers have had to call us and have us bring signed permission slips, etc to the school because she did not give us messages and forms from the school and because she has not given to the teachers signed permission forms we thought were getting to the teachers. These are things in her backpack. Anybody with kids in school is well aware of the back and forth from teachers and parents. And e mails just don't cover everything. Why should a teacher have to send us a special e mail which says Be sure to look in her backpack cause there is something to be signed in it? Can you imagine how long it would take for each teacher to send such email to home of every student?
OK folks this is the last time I will explain this to somebody who obviously has not read the entire thread. Her teachers have had to call us and have us bring signed permission slips, etc to the school because she did not give us messages and forms from the school and because she has not given to the teachers signed permission forms we thought were getting to the teachers. These are things in her backpack. Anybody with kids in school is well aware of the back and forth from teachers and parents. And e mails just don't cover everything. Why should a teacher have to send us a special e mail which says Be sure to look in her backpack cause there is something to be signed in it? Can you imagine how long it would take for each teacher to send such email to home of every student?
So, it seems to me, this is the real problem. Not the bananas. Not the chips. Not the screentime. Or all the other stuff. You're taking a whole bunch of stuff and trying to fix it with one fell swoop, and in a way that has worked for your other kids, who are not the same as this one. You may have to take small steps and focus on one issue at a time with her. Let the rest roll off your back as much as you can
One issue at a time, the biggest first. School communication. Sounds as if you are doing the at-home and signing part already, so all you need to work on is how to get her to provide the papers to the teacher once she is at school. Perhaps she needs a folder that is only to go to the teacher. She must turn that folder in to the teacher every single day. Some days it may be empty (let the teacher know what you are doing so she isn't wondering why she is being handed an empty folder - and, when the teacher hands it back to her, she can take the opportunity to put a note in there if she is missing something), when there are papers you have signed, put them in the folder yourself and in her backpack. When she gets to school, as part of her morning routine, she hands the entire folder, unopened, to the teacher. The teacher empties it and returns it to DD, who puts it back into her backpack. Of course this will only work if you have the cooperation of the teacher, as it does add to her work.....
Last edited by maciesmom; 11-25-2013 at 05:49 PM..
I apologize if this has already been mentioned (I didn't read all the pages), but in regards to her homework, is it possible to get her a tutor? She might feel better if it's someone else other than her parents helping. Maybe she's trying to do the whole pushing-parents-away-being-independent thing, and a tutor may get through to her more. The middle school or high school may have a tutoring program (where the students tutor younger kids), and it might even be free.
As for everything else (permission slips, etc.), what if you sat down with her each night and literally had her take everything out of her backpack and sort it (have some folders nearby that are separated into subjects like Homework Due Tomorrow, Parent Work (that could be things you have to sign, like field trip permissions), Homework Due Later (long-term assignments), Information, etc.). Basically, she can't watch TV, play with the dog, play with anything, until this gets done. And if she starts leaving stuff, like field trip permission slips, at school, then she doesn't get to go on the field trip. So when you receive a call from the school saying that you didn't sign it, you ask to speak to her, let her know that she can't go because she didn't give you the permission slip, and then that's that. While she might not care about failing a class, she may care about not being able to go on a cool field trip with all her friends.
As for lunch time, stop giving her bananas. Stop giving her anything she doesn't throw away that smells bad. And if that means you give her nothing, then she gets nothing. Eventually, she'll either be hungry enough at lunch time to clean out her lunch box when she gets home, or she won't get hungry enough and it won't matter. But this is something that could also easily be done when you guys clear out her backpack every night (she does the sorting, she does the throwing away, but you're there to make sure it gets done).
As for potato chips, it sounds like your husband is undermining you a little (I think you said in your first post that he lets her have them). You guys need to get on the same page. Either no chips, and you don't buy them, or yes chips, and they're there if she wants them.
Have you had her tested to make sure you completely know the extent of her learning disabilities? Again, I apologize if you've already mentioned this. If you haven't, you may want to get her tested. They could be worse than you think, and you may qualify for state help that will get her in a private school with instructors trained to work with students who have learning disabilities. My brother was able to go to a private school that was basically one on one teaching, and it was paid for because of his learning disabilities (he doesn't have a low IQ, he just had major learning disabilities when it came to reading, paying attention, various other things - enough to get help for schooling, though). Getting her tested could also mean that she spends some time in special education classes, which may go at a slower pace and be better for her overall learning.
How are two siblings 19 years apart? You are kind of old to be raising kids so young.
Had you "waded" through the posts, you would already know the answer to this question.
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