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I would absolutely do it again, and I'd probably have one more. Having children has enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined, and both of mine are old enough that the oxytocin high has worn off. I KNOW it's not easy. My family has had many ups and down, but I can't even imagine choosing to live child-free. I always knew that being a parent was right for me.
I would absolutely do it again, and I'd probably have one more. Having children has enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined, and both of mine are old enough that the oxytocin high has worn off. I KNOW it's not easy. My family has had many ups and down, but I can't even imagine choosing to live child-free. I always knew that being a parent was right for me.
^^This. I knew I wanted children but I had absolutely no idea how much they would enrich my life. I wish more would have been feasible...but very happy with the two I have - even during our worst teenaged drama, I might be very frustrated but never have I wished for a do-over WRT having them.
My wife and I often debate this late at night after the kids pass out and we are laying in bed exhausted watching a Law and Order SVU rerun...
We were married very young. I was 22, almost 23 and my wife was 19, almost 20. We were young, in love and could care less what other people thought. We didn't intend on having kids right away, but both knew we wanted them, how many was a different debate. Lo and behold the birth control pill isn't all it's cracked up to be and we had my son a year and a half later. We later found out that my wife has low progesterone which basically makes the pill a fertility treatment for her, lol.
We were fortunate in that I had completed my education and had a solid career that could provide for us. My wife was working for a doctors office while she was in nursing school. Financially we were fine, but my son was definitely a shock and really changed our lives.
Moving on down the road, we have two more children. My wife is a SAHM and still hasn't finished nursing school. My career has gone very well and I am able to provide what we need, but we definitely had to make some sacrifices along the way, especially when number 2 and 3 came along.
I still feel sorry for my wife and she definitely laments not completing her education when she was younger and becoming a nurse, which was her dream. There won't be anymore kids, so she is actually enrolling in classes this coming Fall to start back to school, but it isn't easy as we need to make arrangements for someone to watch the kids while she is in school as we can't afford day care, so she can go.
The question is, would we do it all over again. Definitely, yes. Our kids drive us nuts and our lives have certainly changed with them in it, but we wouldn't trade them for anything. People look at us like we're nuts (mainly DINK friends), but you have to be a parent to appreciate being a parent, if you know what I mean.
We sometimes dream about what our lives would be without them. We'd probably be living in the city and have more money than we would know what to do with. My wife would be driving her Audi convertible in place of the GMC Envoy with the stained seats. Me, I would take the Porsche for weekend fun and the Audi S4 for everyday use in place of my Impala. Eating out would be a daily occurrence and Friendly's would not be considered fine dining...hey, it's our fantasy. However, while that life has a certain appeal, we really don't find it as attractive as we used to.
In a way we are very happy we had our kids young and have based our lives around the family and not just "us". I don't know what would happen if we were living our fantasy and then had to throw an unplanned kid into the mix, but I imagine it would be a lot harder than the path we did take, or was chosen for us depending on your beliefs.
I would absolutely do it again, and I'd probably have one more. Having children has enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined, and both of mine are old enough that the oxytocin high has worn off. I KNOW it's not easy. My family has had many ups and down, but I can't even imagine choosing to live child-free. I alwaysknew that being a parent was right for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
^^This. I knew I wanted children but I had absolutely no idea how much they would enrich my life. I wish more would have been feasible...but very happy with the two I have - even during our worst teenaged drama, I might be very frustrated but never have I wished for a do-over WRT having them.
Ditto for me too except the last sentence about always knowing being a parent was right for me. Growing up I didn't think I wanted kids. Life and circumstances changed my decision and yes, having my son enriched my life beyond my wildest imagination. Tragically, he (along with 2 of his friends,) was killed in a car wreck eight years ago when he was 16. Sometimes I tend to think like the lyrics of that old Simon & Garfunkle tune, "...if I'd never loved, I never would've cried." But in my heart, I know I don't believe that. The joy of having him for sixteen years was worth even the heartbreak of losing him prematurely.
I love my kids. I enjoy being a part of the community. I think our family has a reasonable balance. I am pro SAHM (as you know) but I think we have a reasonable balance as my wife works a couple of days each week and our kids did a couple of days in child care but the majority of the time, they grew up at home with their mom. I enjoy doing things with the kids and with my wife. We do get out on our own sometimes and that is fun. yes it would be nice to be able to just go out on the spur of the moment sometimes and likewise there are days when I wonder whether my car has the word Taxi written on it but it is great.
There are also times of great pride like when a kid gets an award or someone comes up and says nice things about one of them.
I sometimes wonder what we would do different. Actually my wife and I will often have a chat at night about how we do things. We are pretty strict especially on behaviour and showing respect and compliance and we discuss our parenting. So I don't think we would do a whole lot different. I think if we could somehow have our lives over again but have the knowledge we have now, that we would be more confident in our parenting. Who knows. life is fun. Look up.
Family can most definitely consist of two. I refer to my husband and myself as a family on a daily basis.
20yrsinBranson
Semantics. I was trying to make the point that I see so many people, friends, family, etc. having children later on life and feeling like their children have somehow arrived to destroy their perfect little world.
My point was that, for my wife and I, we are actually happy that we had our children young and have always based our lives and decisions around all of us versus trying to fit our children into our lives where it's convenient.
I don't disagree that two people can be a "family".
Can someone explain this to me? Every time one of these threads come up, people comment with "don't have a baby for selfish reasons". But then they list the 'non-selfish' reasons, and they're things like getting hugs from their child every morning, getting to watch their kid win a prize or an award or a trophy, and the general warm and fuzzy feeling they get from seeing their little ones running around.
All that's fine and dandy, but how is that not a selfish thing? Doesn't everyone have kids for selfish reasons--because they think children will make them happier, personally? Rarely have I met people who say, "I had kids because I believe I will be able to best help others through having children".
I really feel like I'm missing something, because it seems to be the generally accepted idea that not having children makes you selfish, and having them makes you selfless. While I believe that in order to BE a good parent, you have to put your children's needs before your own, it seems to me that in order to BECOME a parent, you are putting your own wants before anyone else's.
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My kids
