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Of course I'm sure everyone is glad to have their children in their lives! But if you could go back... would you make the decision to have kids again?
I don't have any yet, but I am getting married soon and my fiance wants to start a family really bad! I do love children, but there is so much I want to do with my life. I want to travel a lot. I want to become an accomplished artist and filmmaker, or maybe a writer (yes, I'm a dreamer). I'm afraid of giving up all my crazy but wonderful dreams. But, I'm 26... if I am going to have kids, I better do it soon, right?
And for you, well, you can always work on your writing and filmmaking, but your fertility won't last forever. I've known couples who waited to have children only to discover infertility problems, and then conceiving is a whole lot more work.
I had my first baby 2 years after we were married. I kind of regret not doing some things more, but on the whole, I am very glad to have had my kids (all 9 of them!).
I have to say that if you have that thought in your head then you are not ready to have children.
Yes they do take all of your time at least thru the young years. You can always do your dreams when they are in school. Travel is hard when they are young but I know a few that have no problem with it. (I'm too afraid my son would walk out the door of the motorhome in the middle of the night.)
and yes your fertility does weaken the older you get. It took us 5 years to concieve our son and I was young. I ended up finally having him at 27.
I would of course have kids all over again and hope to do so soon. I could not imagine not having my son.
I had my first when I was 19 and it was hard, very hard, would I have had her again of course, but I should of waited until I had an education and money in the bank, enough for college. I had my second 15 years later, perfect, the money problem gone, the patience problem fixed, a nice place to bring her home and of course I picked a better father. Whats the big hurry? Many women are having children later and they tend to be the better educated and better off. What kind of support group are you going to have after you have your baby or are you going to have to dump your baby in a daycare. Who will take care of your baby if you both have to work? Fertility is not usually a problem until over 35 and many many people have healthy children over 40, my friend just had a beautiful baby girl at 41, she had her first one at 33 and the second at 37 and had no trouble. They own thier home, had money saved, had college degrees and had home help before they even considered having a baby.Wouldn't it be better to have one parent be able to stay at home without having to worry about where the next diaper is coming from. I would suggest you find a site that shows how much a baby costs the first few years.
I've never had any children, other than my stepsons and years before I met my husband I had a strong yearning not to have kids. Don't get me wrong, I live kids, so much that friends ask why I've never wanted any of mine own.
You have to make the decision that's best for you and your fiance
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
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Well there is always 2 sides of a coin.
I had my son at 22. We were young and experienced though times. I probably would of had more if I started later and could have them closer together. You will always have hurdles to cross. We did manage to buy our first house 1 month prior to his birth. Beleive me when I say "it was no castle", but it was ours ! We were able to customize it our way, which was nice. We felt by at least owning we were a step ahead. We did struggle. I stayed home till he was 9 months, then we bounced him between grandparents.
Thanks to my husbands job, we did get to travel the islands for months at a time. My son was a baby. Once he started school, traveling was over. I did work on and off, but mostly was a stay at home mom. If I worked, it was around his school hours, so I could be home with him after school.
Now he is turning 17, and at the moment I am still a stay at home mom (more wife). They have gotten used to me being home and having everything "just so". I am not out of work because of my child. I had other things pop up that prevented me from working. I started my real estate career, 2 years into it, my mother passed and my father was terminal. So we had to move in with him, and I became a full time nurse and caretaker. We decided to make sacrifices because I could not put him in a nursing home. Gave up my career.
But on a lighter note, my son is turning 17. We are still young enough to do what we want. Travel, go out without hiring a babysitter.
So the two sides : Put off baby, get career going, buy house, SAVE money. Then be able to stay at home.
Or have baby young, hopefully be able to stay home, or have family care for baby. Get to be closer in age to your child. And be able to enjoy life when they are older.
I wanted to be young when I had my first child, maybe because my mother had me late in life, and I felt there was a big generation gap.
In my opinion, if you wait for the right time, it may never come. But if you have a child, you WILL make it work. Something happens to you the minute you give birth. And you realize you have this precious little angel that is dependant on you for every single thing it needs. LOVE, food, clothing. You can and will make it work !
And you never know what the future hold for you. Never in my wildest dreams, did I think that I would of been caring for either one of my parents, but ended up caring for both.
I do not regret anything. Yes, I sometimes wish we were a bit better off, I wish I had a career, but destiny grabs ahold of you. And I am still young enough to have a career, just haven't found the perfect one. I have been doing alot of soul searching about a career lately. Now that my son is 17, I am begining to be a bit more focused on my relationship with by husband, and starting a new career.
hello , i am a new growing trend , i have none and most of my friends have none. do i like kids ? well yes , i do if they are being raised right and have parents that actually raise them. i am from the generation that wanted to be friends to their kids instead of actuallly raising them to be productive members of society . they believe they are entitled.
i did at times wonder about when i "get old thing" , but now i have non of that as i have seen most elderly that have kids are thrown in homes and the KIDS do not even see them . then there is the expense of kids and the safety issues,man its hard enough for just two adults w/ college to get by .and its not the 50's anymore ! then there is the growth problem . does the world really need another human , what makes me so special that i feel the world needs me breeding! no i will not do this to the kid, the world or myself . but i will tell you that if i had the $ to adopt i would consider it , there are so many kids that are not wanted and they are already here so why not give one a home . i wish more people would consider these issues before breeding. i have no regrets about not having kids and more and more women are not so if you decide not to its okay , enjoy your life ................just my 2 cents
Why does so many people think babies are little angels, maybe when they are sleeping, these angels are the most self centered creatures around ,the whold world should and usually does evolve around them and so it should, but by no means are they little angels. Angels should be easy to care for babies are often a nighmare, who ever heard of an angel crying all night or throwing tantrums in grocery store, spitting or biting thier sisters or brothers, throwing food all over the place, hitting the dog. I could go on and on. They are the biggest con artists, and guess who they con the best. Do not have babies until you are not a baby, that means you are an adult. My youngest is 26, she owns her own condo,no mortgage, her own vehicle outright, money in the bank, has boyfriend who does not live with her, will wait for children to be able to have as much time with her child as her Daddy did with her. She has never seen the inside of a daycare center.It is the job of a parent to give the child the best shot in life and most of the time that means wait. Men seem to want kids so they have someone to play with, most of the responsibility goes on the female. I often see some poor women in the grocery store on Sunday carting around three kids and I wonder where is thier father, probably sitting on the couch watching football and doesn't want to be bothered.
Last edited by alexander59; 10-19-2006 at 07:49 AM..
Reason: My spelling sucks
I had my first at 17 which was so hard, but i managed to finish school, got married for the second time at 23 and had my second, 24 the third and 27 the fourth, theyare growing up now and my oldest just started college, sometimes I wonder if i should have had waited, but then I realize they will be all gone when i am 45!!!!!!
Men seem to want kids so they have someone to play with, most of the responsibility goes on the female.
Good point!
All these responses have been so insightful- but of course I still don't know what to think! I do think I need to wait until I am sure. Also at least until we buy a home and are more financially stable. Even then, I wonder if I'll ever be able to afford to stay home with my kids; I think children need a parent at home. I guess I have some fears that a few of you mentioned about waiting: not being able to conceive at an older age, not having anyone to take care of me in my senior years, having a huge generation gap between me and my child.
It is interesting to read everyone's personal life choices and how it has affected them. I, too, have had the thought that "The population of the world is way out of hand, why should I add to that?" I guess I've always thought of myself as becoming a mommy, but now that I'm older and I realize what that truly means... responsiblity and tough choices... I'm having second thoughts. At least I am lucky enough to have finished school and gotten a good start already!
So I guess I'll just wait and see how I feel about it in a few years.
I'll tell you one thing, though- the thought of the actual birth process is enough to scare the living daylights out of me! LOL
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Absolutely!
I do think I need to wait until I am sure. Also at least until we buy a home and are more financially stable. Even then, I wonder if I'll ever be able to afford to stay home with my kids; I think children need a parent at home. I guess I have some fears that a few of you mentioned about waiting: not being able to conceive at an older age, not having anyone to take care of me in my senior years, having a huge generation gap between me and my child. 
