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Here's my thoughts. Although I didn't care for it at the time I certainly appreciate it now.
Charge him $750/month in rent. That allows for a $600 rent payment plus $100 for utilities. The $600 figure is based on the going rate for a decent starter apartment. Then advise your young adult that your rules still apply including a curfew if you so choose. Your house, your rules. Period. If your young adult doesn't like it they are more than welcome to get a place of their own.
This is what forced me out. I hated it at the time. But I learned a lot really fast. Now I am extremely grateful. You will be doing your child a disservice by allowing them to continue to live at home.
So you're going to charge them money to live by your rules?
No apartment complex is going to tell you that you have to be home by a certain time or that you have to do your laundry before you go out or if your boyfriend can spend the night or not.
I stayed at home till I was 21, I payed for my phone, car insurance, gas, all my extras.
Never was charged rent.
My mom quit trying to push the whole curfew thing once we started fighting. I never came in at crazy hours but if I came home at 130, I made sure I was quiet, if I didn't want to come home that night I didn't have to.
My personal business was mine, who I dated, if I spent the night at a guys house, where I went.
I still had the drive to get out of there. I'm doing fine now.
If you want successful young adults, then treat them like young adults, setting curfews on them, making them come home at night, limiting what they can and can't do outside the house doesn't do them any good.
Sure have them contribute and not be a financial burden(buy their own food, pay for their own phone, gas, insurance, extras) make sure they're working or going to school or doing something to better themselves but everything else should be left to them.
Am I the only one who thinks charging rent is a ridiculous thing? If you can't stand to have your kids live with you as family, you need to redefine what family means. DW and I spend 1 month at her folks and 1 month at mine, every year, and they wouldn't dream of charging us rent.
Am I the only one who thinks charging rent is a ridiculous thing? If you can't stand to have your kids live with you as family, you need to redefine what family means. DW and I spend 1 month at her folks and 1 month at mine, every year, and they wouldn't dream of charging us rent.
So let me get this straight. Your adult kids decide they want to move in with you so they don't have to pay bills and save all their money for "fun" stuff. Would you go ahead and let them move in and live with you as "family" then? This thread is about adult children who live at home. They should contribute IF they aren't going to school or it's short term as in saving up for a house. Nowhere in this thread did anyone say that on vacation or for visits they would charge for rent. Where on earth are you getting that from? Oh and I agree with others charging $750 is excessive. I would only charge an "honest" price of their room/utilities. And they would be treated as a roommates (ie clean up after themselves, keep it down after hours etc) and not have curfews or some other ridiculous rules since they are adults.
Am I the only one who thinks charging rent is a ridiculous thing? If you can't stand to have your kids live with you as family, you need to redefine what family means. DW and I spend 1 month at her folks and 1 month at mine, every year, and they wouldn't dream of charging us rent.
I assume that must be vacationing at each parents home, so you are still paying rent and utilities back at your own home or apartment.
It may be different if you move in "lock, stock & barrel" plus all of your furniture & clothes one month per year and then the moving van takes you to stay with someone else for another month.
Now, let us suppose, that your parents or his parents, are barely scraping by on fiancés, and can't afford to buy the extra food and kitchen supplies when you visit. They are forced to put the grocery bills on credit cards because they don't have the extra money to pay for the extra food that you eat. Their electric bill goes up $100 and they don't have the money to pay it and are in a real panic. Do you still feel that it would be wrong for them to charge you something during you month long visit?
I suspect that you family is more like my friends family than most families.
We have a friend who is a multi-millionaire. Every summer he takes his extended family on an all expense paid two or three week vacation, Yes, all expenses paid. Every plane ticket, every hotel room, every meal, every excursion, every trip, every souvenir, every bit of new "specialty" clothes. He takes every one of his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren (and all spouses) and frequently his siblings and their children, as well.
Our friend once speculated that her dad currently spends at least $500,000 per year on these outing. And he has been doing them for over 20 years!
I remember that my friend moved home for quite a few months, after her spouse, unexpectedly passed away. Do you really think that her, multimillionaire dad insisted that she pay rent? Of course not.
Families are different , what is right for you may not right for someone else.
That price sounds pretty steep unless you live in a really high rent city (my son considers himself very, very lucky to have found a small one bedroom apartment in San Francisco for only $2,200 a month & that does not include utilities). If he had found a place to live in a private home of a relative, with a private bedroom, even with sharing a bathroom & kitchen & living room for only $750 in rent including utilities he would have been ecstatic. Heck, he would have kissed their feet in joy and grateful appreciation each and every day!
Think of it this way, if you rent a bedroom in a private home your landlord probably would be well within their rights to set up reasonable rules, no loud parties, perhaps no overnight guests, no loud music after 10 PM, clean up the kitchen after you use it, do your own laundry, etc. It can not be compared to renting out a self contained apartment or half of duplex as a landlord.
This is a room in your private home. Wouldn't you have some type of rules if you rented it out to a stranger? Why is it wrong to have some type of rules if you rent it out to an adult child?
Yeah it's called a roommate....duh.
You know.
If I rented out a room in my house, the person would be a roommate. There would be simple rules: #1 Don't touch my stuff in the fridge. If you do replace it before I notice. #2 Workday mornings are dangerous, avoid the bathroom between 6am and 915. #3 Don't touch my stuff that shall not be mentioned because it's not acceptable everywhere in the us. #4 Pay on time. #5 don't drink my Pepsi.
I'm pretty sure if you got a roommate and was like ok now you are to be home by 8 and in bed by 11. No dating. Keep your phone in the kitchen at night. I approve of your outfits before you leave. You must tell me who what when and where and them told you if broke any of the rules that you'd be grounded, your phone taken away, only allowed out to go to work, no internet.
I'm pretty sure you'd be like saaaaaaaaay whaaaaaaaaaat?
No really? Was that gibberish?
I do realize that's to an extreme degree I do believe any controlling of personal life is wrong.
No roommate should ever tell another roommate that they can or can't have over night guests, especially if one roommate has overnight guests or a live in SO.
They should never impose a curfew. Just quiet hours. Honestly if your doors make so much noise then they open that it disrupts the whole house then you might want to get them looked at. Someone getting up to pee in the middle of the night makes more noise.
Don't pry. So interested in the social lives of those around you, get one of your own. If you need to know, you'll know. Otherwise you don't need to know. You might as well record your daily bowel movements and share the days activity over dinner.
Garbage. If you're charging someone $750 in RENT and UTILITIES, you have become their landlord and you no longer have a say in "curfew" or anything else. Ripping your kid off ($750 for a BEDROOM???) is not a way to teach them anything.
When my daughter gets older and is out of college and working, she'll be paying me something to stay here if she chooses to stay. I won't charge her the full amount she would pay for an apartment, though.
But then why can people agree to the rules in an HOA when they pay into it? They might have to accept rules like no chickens, no older broken down cars on the front lawn, no laundry hung in the front yard and other rules.
If you wrote up a legal contract and your adult-child accepted it and signed, then I would think there could be any kind of rules added in.
The understanding is that they are agreeing to your rules when they choose to live in your house, they have a perfectly good alternative -- move out.
One of my adult sons pays me rent but he's renting out a mobile home from me. Since it's more or less a separate household and he pays faithfully on time, I make no rules for him. The ones inside my house aren't being charged anything. One of my cousins moved out and then wanted to move back home so they charged him the same amount he had been willing to pay when he was living on his own. They gave it back to him in the form of a wedding gift - nice honeymoon trip- because they didn't need his money.
It varies per people involved. What's right for one family may not be right for another.
I'm pretty sure if you got a roommate and was like ok now you are to be home by 8 and in bed by 11. No dating. Keep your phone in the kitchen at night. I approve of your outfits before you leave. You must tell me who what when and where and them told you if broke any of the rules that you'd be grounded, your phone taken away, only allowed out to go to work, no internet.
I'm pretty sure you'd be like saaaaaaaaay whaaaaaaaaaat?
No really? Was that gibberish?
I do realize that's to an extreme degree I do believe any controlling of personal life is wrong.
No roommate should ever tell another roommate that they can or can't have over night guests, especially if one roommate has overnight guests or a live in SO.
They should never impose a curfew. Just quiet hours. Honestly if your doors make so much noise then they open that it disrupts the whole house then you might want to get them looked at. Someone getting up to pee in the middle of the night makes more noise.
Don't pry. So interested in the social lives of those around you, get one of your own. If you need to know, you'll know. Otherwise you don't need to know. You might as well record your daily bowel movements and share the days activity over dinner.
It's pretty simple.
I don't think there is any law about roommates having rules --- but you're free to leave also.
You can also join one of those cults and have all sorts of strict rules --- or don't join.
And yes, roommates can set rules like no overnight guests. In fact that is one of the big problem areas with roommates not working out. You're best off having rules when you have roommates --define them upfront and everyone agrees and abides by them.
When I was in college, my roommates and I did just that. We found out why other roommate situations were miserable after 2 months and we made rules to prevent problems. We were about the only ones who were still happy with one another at the end of the year. Our rules worked out great.
No way should a parent accept a miserable situation for themselves in their own home.
But then why can people agree to the rules in an HOA when they pay into it? They might have to accept rules like no chickens, no older broken down cars on the front lawn, no laundry hung in the front yard and other rules.
If you wrote up a legal contract and your adult-child accepted it and signed, then I would think there could be any kind of rules added in.
The understanding is that they are agreeing to your rules when they choose to live in your house, they have a perfectly good alternative -- move out.
One of my adult sons pays me rent but he's renting out a mobile home from me. Since it's more or less a separate household and he pays faithfully on time, I make no rules for him. The ones inside my house aren't being charged anything. One of my cousins moved out and then wanted to move back home so they charged him the same amount he had been willing to pay when he was living on his own. They gave it back to him in the form of a wedding gift - nice honeymoon trip- because they didn't need his money.
It varies per people involved. What's right for one family may not be right for another.
Because an HOA isn't telling you when to go out, when to come home, what to eat, what to wear, where to leave your cell phone at night, etc etc etc.
Your adult child renting your trailer is different than an adult child renting a bedroom in your home. If you are going to charge someone the going rate for a studio apartment or the portion of rent on a 2BR apartment, then you do not have a right to tell them what to do. I don't care if it's your home or not. You (as the parent) are not being reasonable to expect someone to pay a room mate's portion and then at the same time act like an overbearing parent.
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