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Can't you see past my using the Rudolph argument highlight how you're contributing to this?
Don't argue with him! Stop participating in it!
It is normal for teenagers, but it usually starts tapering off at 17 or 18.
Bwhahahahaha!
I still argue with my mom!
Seriously we'll go in circles arguing.
I spent a month and half staying at her apt earlier this fall. It's all we did.
It was a wonderful flashback to my childhood, like I never even left.
I felt awful all day yesterday at how I was misunderstood/misjudged (btw I did stop the argument. I didn't 'keep' arguing with him. I walked away after about 30 seconds of it and it wasn't about who was right or wrong, which some people cannot let go of)
I use this forum to get advice or support with whatever the day brings. In my utopia, people would respond with positive feedback, not putdowns or judgments. But, that is not possible in this world. Judgements are terrible things, for we as mere people are not omnipotient.
I first used the wrong title, which led to a discussion about rudolph the red nosed reindeer instead of the question I had. Forgive me for my mistake, we all make mistakes.
What transpired in the barn was this: I made a comment wherein I was really wondering outloud something that I don't think anyone has the true right/wrong answer unless we interview the millions of people who arent christian about hearing holiday songs on the radio. What my family does quite often is to bring up interesting speculations to which we reply -hmmm. That's a good question. IDK! Now, if we misspeak and use the wrong wording, we also understand that and know what the other really meant. We don't nitpick about it.
Now, when my son brought up the song Rudolph- I said it was a stupid argument, right? Well, this is what I meant. Even if the song were decided to be a nonChristmas song, it didn't pertain to the original question at hand. You want me to say my son is right? OK, for purpose of making my point- I'll say rudolph is not a Christmas song. OK. That still leaves the wondering statement I had at the same place- because I had been referring to all Christmas music. so it really didnt matter whether Rudolph was a Christmas song or not and hence my frustration with bringing it to arguement in the first place. It seemed irrelevant.
If I had said holiday music, maybe it would not have been an argument. But that is how our family is. We say stuff, often using wrong terms, and we know what the other really means. We usually laugh about it. My husband was there, it was obvious to him what I meant. I should think my son did also, but he chose to debate. We are in the barn at 5 a.m., I am sitll groggy & I really prefer pleasant chit chat over debates!
So, I have gotten that my son is growing up and I will have to be prepared to have different conversations with him. I will watch what I say or how I say it to him if I don't want debate. But I don't like it. It sucks. I don't like having to worry about how I'm wording things when I'm at home where I just like to relax and chill and goof off with the family. In our home we don't really argue at all. We work together on the farm and know that cooperation, teamwork and working together as one unit is imperative. When we see one doing something, we automatically know what their next step will be without even talking, we are that tuned into each other. So, I think I was frustrated that he acted like he didn't know what I meant when I think deep down he did. He just likes to debate. I have to accept that.
I felt awful all day yesterday at how I was misunderstood/misjudged (btw I did stop the argument. I didn't 'keep' arguing with him. I walked away after about 30 seconds of it and it wasn't about who was right or wrong, which some people cannot let go of)
I use this forum to get advice or support with whatever the day brings. In my utopia, people would respond with positive feedback, not putdowns or judgments. But, that is not possible in this world. Judgements are terrible things, for we as mere people are not omnipotient.
So here's the thing. What you interpreted as put downs and judgements were, in fact, simply differing points of view. Points of view that, had you been able to hear them, may have actually helped you.
Instead you continue to insist on your complete Rightness. Could that propensity be in play with regards to your perception of your son's argumentativeness?
Then help me understand what you mean by insisting on my complete rightness. I dont think I did. I actually said I dont know who would be right, and that wasn't the issue I had with him. I am confused by this. I keep saying it was really about him wanting to debate.Is that what you refer to?? Cuz I have actually said I will have to accept that. where am I insisting on my rightness?? I dont remember saying anywhere I won the debate. We never really put closure on it. I even said I see where he was coming from..where did I insist on being right? Please clear this up for me.
My kids at 17 would argue if I said it looked like a beautiful day, or most anything I said..
That stage passed and now we can have great conversations..
Don't take it personally, most kids that age get pretty oppositional..
Then help me understand what you mean by insisting on my complete rightness. I dont think I did. I actually said I dont know who would be right, and that wasn't the issue I had with him. I am confused by this. I keep saying it was really about him wanting to debate.Is that what you refer to?? Cuz I have actually said I will have to accept that. where am I insisting on my rightness?? I dont remember saying anywhere I won the debate. We never really put closure on it. I even said I see where he was coming from..where did I insist on being right? Please clear this up for me.
Don't you see that you two had a debate and both of you had 2 different opinions...
Both of you expressed those opinions..
But you insist that you were stating facts and he was debating ...
Kids get oppositional, we get that...
If it's rules and things that matter that is unavoidable...
But why argue with a 17 year old about songs at 5am..why not change the subject or laugh it off
or tell him you love the way he speaks up about his opinions..It's not hard to just stop with a topic that is going in circles and ask his opinion about something else..or say" that is an interesting perspective"..
Everyone here is discussing this in a civil manner. It's not really your "rightness." It's your need to not be misunderstood and your misperception of others. We understand what you're saying. We truly do. We're not putting you down or judging you. We're simply not agreeing with you.
Your sensitiveness might contribute towards your feelings about the interactions between you and your son.
You said your husband and you often make comments and observations without entering into debate. That might happen because you both aren't very interested in debating or you both have very similar opinions on subjects that a head nod is all that is needed in response---because you both agree or your husband understands what you meant without elaboration.
However, your son obviously does not agree with your every thought and utterance, and he is exercising his ability to initiate intellectual concepts of debate. Your question is why does he have to be so difficult to be around. His question may be why does she have to be so sensitive.
He's a great kid. You've said that. Just enjoy him. If he wants to debate, try to debate with him if you can do it without feeling misunderstood and sensitive about it. It's a great intellectual skill that can serve him well in life.
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