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Old 12-28-2013, 01:27 PM
 
Location: MID ATLANTIC
8,403 posts, read 21,585,589 times
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There's excellent advice in these pages. Despite your wife's mistake, she's wise when it comes to your daughter's choices. And while you could never minimize the affect of the event, I would do everything possible to down play this change and not elevate its prominence in your lives, ie, no last suppers and so on.
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Old 12-28-2013, 03:41 PM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,813,465 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe the Photog View Post
I think you're overthinking this at some level. I think your wife going to jail -- and the daughter seeing here there -- could be a good lesson to learn. Your wife is going to jail as a consequence for something that she did. If your daughter sees other inmates or guards as intimidating, so be it. Maybe she needs to see this.

What I wonder about is if at some point your daughter will use this against her mother in a snarky way. As in, "You can't tell me what to do. What do you know? You went to jail!"
This! Tough situation! How much money was involved for your wife to throw away 6 months of her life?

Good luck.
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Old 12-28-2013, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
4,830 posts, read 8,241,749 times
Reputation: 7732
Of course you should bring her. Why wouldn't you????? Whether she is 4, 10, 12, 14.... she should go see her. Your daughter will probably be worried if her mother is OK, etc and she will want to see her mother.

She's only doing six months .... she will likely be out in 3 or 4 months depending on where you are.

She's in JAIL, not PRISON. There is a huge difference (even if she was in prison, you should still bring your daughter to visit)
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Old 01-04-2014, 01:48 AM
 
27 posts, read 31,977 times
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I should have mentioned this before but I know my wife will be surrounded by all sorts of other inmates. Would it be wise to not talk to any if them and keep to herself ? That is what I would think
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Old 01-04-2014, 04:37 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,437 posts, read 6,685,129 times
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6 months of not talking to anyone is a bit extreme. They won't all be really bad people, she should try and seek out some similar inmates so she isn't too lonely.
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Old 01-04-2014, 03:04 PM
 
Location: The Beautiful Pocono Mountains
5,450 posts, read 8,349,869 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1924 View Post
I should have mentioned this before but I know my wife will be surrounded by all sorts of other inmates. Would it be wise to not talk to any if them and keep to herself ? That is what I would think
She can't avoid this at all. And further, she will have no way of knowing what others are in for. News flash, they lie. Everyone will say they're in for something other than what they really are. Well almost everyone.

Don't think too much into the situation. You will drive yourselves crazy.
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Old 01-06-2014, 09:27 AM
 
241 posts, read 515,218 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1924 View Post
I should have mentioned this before but I know my wife will be surrounded by all sorts of other inmates. Would it be wise to not talk to any if them and keep to herself ? That is what I would think
Let's put it this way, do you think that everyone of your acquaintance should suddenly stop talking to your wife because she received a sentence??

With respect to your other question, I think that six months of being in no personal contact with a parent would be MUCH more traumatizing than whatever the visits are going to be like.

I admit that I'm talking from a place of no experience here, but I think you are trying to shelter your daughter too much. Imagine what would happen at the end of the six months if you didn't let her get an idea of what her mother was experiencing? It will make it that much harder to have the readjustment back to having the family together again if your daughter is totally out of touch with her mother's experience. Your daughter is a teenager; she should be getting old enough to start dealing with the ups and downs of your family's life.
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Old 01-06-2014, 11:44 PM
 
27 posts, read 31,977 times
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Originally Posted by ytlh View Post
Let's put it this way, do you think that everyone of your acquaintance should suddenly stop talking to your wife because she received a sentence??

With respect to your other question, I think that six months of being in no personal contact with a parent would be MUCH more traumatizing than whatever the visits are going to be like.

I admit that I'm talking from a place of no experience here, but I think you are trying to shelter your daughter too much. Imagine what would happen at the end of the six months if you didn't let her get an idea of what her mother was experiencing? It will make it that much harder to have the readjustment back to having the family together again if your daughter is totally out of touch with her mother's experience. Your daughter is a teenager; she should be getting old enough to start dealing with the ups and downs of your family's life.

Still having to socialize with other prisoners in there seems to be unnecessary. It might be better to keep to herself and stay out of any sort if trouble at all
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Old 01-13-2014, 12:43 AM
 
7 posts, read 5,534 times
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It's not that long of a term if you think about it in perspective. I would not let her daughter see her in that way or in that environment. It's not fair to the child to be asked to accept her mother's faults by supporting her in jail and seeing her there could seriously damage the daughter's image of her mother long term. Preserve what they have and be patient. She will be home before you know it and can answer to her daughter then.
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Old 01-13-2014, 12:54 AM
 
7 posts, read 5,534 times
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She is a CHILD nonetheless! Why on earth would anyone even ask her to understand this all? Why would you want her to? She shouldn't- family or no family- give her the lesson that we all pay for our mistakes- good or bad- but we don't need to share the sorrow & pain that it causes beyond what we've already done. She should NOT have to understand what her mother is going through! Thats NOT HER JOB! No mother should ask their child to see them in jail unless they will never be coming home. Images stick in a childs mind and she will never be more than that to her child. Don't allow going to jail be okay or understandable.
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