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this is due to bad parenting IMO. If you're unable to educate your children about the dangers of 'bad friends', or 'drugs/alcohol', you have failed as a parent IMO.
And how would you go about disciplining a 20 year old? Can't really "ground" them. What can you really "take away"? Sure as hell can't spank them. Grounding especially should stop once they're 18 because you tread on thin ice when "holding" a person over 18 for I think more than 6 hours against their will then it becomes false imprisonment, everything else does tread a fine legal line too.
You escort them to the door and tell them "get out and stay out". You take their car off your car insurance if they're on, you provide them no money, refuse to bail them out.
When a kid thinks he or she knows everything, they need to be living on their own and paying their own bills.
Whether the OP "raised" the kid right is water under the bridge. Ditto whether things would have turned out different if his father had remained involved. That train has left the station.
She's got two more kids to raise and the safety of the three of them is her concern at this point.
To allow her son to continue spending all his earnings on drugs and alcohol is not doing him any favors either. Time to move on.
If the father won't help with this, an Order of Protection and the police will. I've known several women who've had to go the Order of Protection route. It is not easy, but it works. You fill out the forms. Explain to the magistrate that he has anger management issues. Show photos of the holes in the wall, the busted furniture. Have a list of threats, the dates and times he made them, and how the behavior has escalated until you fear for the safety of yourself and your two younger children. Dress decent, bring photos, tear up from time to time, but stay calm. If he hits you or throws anything at you, do it immediately.
In the situations I'm aware of, other than calling their mother names, the young men have been compliant with the police. Despite their sense of entitlement, I suspect they realize that tussling with the cops is a poor idea. Particularly, if they might be in possession of illegal substances.
One woman had to call the police when her son returned, pounding on the door, demanding to be let in. As she had an Order of Protection, they hauled his sorry butt to jail where he cooled his heels for several days.
Even if she is not posting, I hope the OP is reading this. She needs to take steps to protect herself and her two younger children. Time is of the essence.
That's a good post.
You can see kids who had lenient parents who gave them a lot turn out just fine. And vice versa -- you really can't blame parenting because different kids respond differently - and peer pressure can make kids throw off all their values to try and fit in.
And as kids get older, they can make their own and very wrong decisions and there isn't as much the parents can do except no way does the parent have to tolerate an adult destroying the tranquility of their home. Relation or not. As far as mental health needs, a parent cannot do anything once the child reaches age 18. The patient has to seek the help - allowing a mentally disturbed person to just stay on destroying your property and peace does not help in any way.
It's all water under the bridge and you can sit and worry about all the "what ifs", it's what has to be done now.
Is it legal to kick my 20 yr old son out of my house because he comes home high every
night...I find weed in my house, alcohol, his has anger issues punches holes in walls, calls me every name in the book in front of my 7 and 8 yr old children and he does not pay for nothing...he does work full time but doesn't contribute at all...just disrespects me and destroys my house...he does have a dad to go live with but he refuses to leave my house....how can I get him out!!!?
He's an adult. Tell him if it happens again, you are calling the police. You don't have to live like that. Put his father on notice as a courtesy. Another alternative is to tell him you WILL kick him out if he does not start paying rent. You can't show love for your son if you teach him that abusive behavior is okay.
Exactly. The parent(s) can do everything right and the kid can still turn out to be a POS. There is no way realistically a parent can completely prevent his/her children from hanging out with the bad crowd.
Is it legal to kick my 20 yr old son out of my house because he comes home high every
night...I find weed in my house, alcohol, his has anger issues punches holes in walls, calls me every name in the book in front of my 7 and 8 yr old children and he does not pay for nothing...he does work full time but doesn't contribute at all...just disrespects me and destroys my house...he does have a dad to go live with but he refuses to leave my house....how can I get him out!!!?
Who cares if it is or it isn't...keep your doors and windows locked to him. First,Tell him he's got one week to get all his stuff and move out, or you'll put it all out by the curb....and then DO IT.
and don't feel any guilt about it either...at his age, and having a good job to boot, he don't need to be sponging off his mama no more....Let his dad have a taste of him, maybe that's what he needs.
Hire a couple of big guys to carry him out if need be...but don't get the police involved, if you value your sons life, you don't want to end up like this guy.....http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/sunnews...16-085018.html
Here's what I would do. I would give him say 30 days or 60 days to find a place, don't kick him out on the street give him a chance. The catch however is that he doesn't get a room, he can keep his stuff in bags and crash on the couch, basicaly make it uncomfortable for him. During that time if you find pot or he comes home high he's out so he has to keep it straight during his 30 days or 60 days. I would also give him something in writing as others have said if he wants to fight you on the issue legally you may have to actually evict him. I'd also suggest giving this a read about tough teens it was free on amazon all week this week I think it still is up to the weekend. Anyhow best of luck with your child, there's only so much you can do as he is over 18 adn an adult
Here's what I would do. I would give him say 30 days or 60 days to find a place, don't kick him out on the street give him a chance. The catch however is that he doesn't get a room, he can keep his stuff in bags and crash on the couch, basicaly make it uncomfortable for him. During that time if you find pot or he comes home high he's out so he has to keep it straight during his 30 days or 60 days. I would also give him something in writing as others have said if he wants to fight you on the issue legally you may have to actually evict him. I'd also suggest giving this a read about tough teens it was free on amazon all week this week I think it still is up to the weekend. Anyhow best of luck with your child, there's only so much you can do as he is over 18 adn an adult
Only if the kid isn't abusive and damaging the house or bringing drugs into it. What this adult kid is doing is illegal, punching holes in the walls and verbally abusing his parents shouldn't get him 30 days of free housing. I would call the cops on soneone destroying my property.
Only if the kid isn't abusive and damaging the house or bringing drugs into it. What this adult kid is doing is illegal, punching holes in the walls and verbally abusing his parents shouldn't get him 30 days of free housing. I would call the cops on soneone destroying my property.
unless your kid is about to get physical with you never call the cops. i get this tough love crap about call te cops on your kid or your enabling them or whatever someone may say but you call the cops on your kid for a bag of weed and they got a record, can't get student aid, can't get many jobs. then the kid will defeinately be living with you forever or resenting you forever
Only if the kid isn't abusive and damaging the house or bringing drugs into it. What this adult kid is doing is illegal, punching holes in the walls and verbally abusing his parents shouldn't get him 30 days of free housing. I would call the cops on soneone destroying my property.
Yeah because the police make everything so much better.
Like the one night I was trying to talk to my mom who refused to talk and kept screaming at me, not words but at the top of her lungs. She hit me with her bedroom door while I was standing in the door frame, she tried to close it with me in the way, she cracked part of her door because she did shut it so hard and hurt me. I left and she called the cops and had pressed charges on me for "breaking" the door. Luckily the DA had a lick of common sense and dropped it all.
And how about the time when I was 18 and we were visiting TN and she punched me in the face, cut my cheek, busted my lip (she was wearing a ring) and the cop deputy jigglypuff looked at me with a mouth full of chew and told me "parents in tennessee can discipline their children however they see fit" then when I reminded him my ID said I was born in 89, which made me a month from being 19 at that point and I was an adult not a child, so therefore she could no longer physically discipline me, he looked at me, spit and then told me his daddy used to beat him with a broom. He completely ignored the fact that it was LEGALLY assault what she did, not discipline, because I wasn't a minor anymore.
Yeah the cops are VERYYYY helpful.
These stories may have to do with me but its making a POINT as to why cops aren't helpful.
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