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We just did this move. We moved 800miles, (back home for me, away from home for DH) and the most driving piece was a neighborhood for our (only) child. We used to live on a very busy road with no sidewalk in a neighborhood with no children in a town with not-the-best schools. We moved to a sidewalk in-town neighborhood with a community pool and walk-to elementary school. We can also walk to the library, ice cream and coffee. While we could have afforded a better schooled town where we were it would have been more rural and even less sidewalked while furthering DHs commute. So we just jumped. We ended up on a street full of elementary kids with connected backyards and so far it is beyond what we could have hoped for. When we don't see DS For hours and just hear kids running and screaming outside we know we made the right choice. DS is only 5 , so there is lots of time for this all to change for the better or worse but I can't forsee a time where we regret the move.
ETA: there are also better schools around here than the town we chose, but they suffer from similar rural layouts with big lots and no sidewalks, so we chose decent-but-not-the-best schools and prioritized the social part.
Based on your OP, it seems like you want to move and are worried about your kids but you're seeking validation from us. I think you should take the move. Once I'm done with school and start my own family, I'd like to raise my kids in Sugar Land, Texas. It seems like a nice place. It's diverse and has a lot of activities for the kids to do.
OP, do your kids want to move? We've lived in both rural and suburban areas, and I did as much shuttling the kids around in
the suburban locale as I did in the rural. Actually, it was easier in the rural, because there was less traffic, and no gated communities to deal with.
If your children are shy, they may be perfectly content with just a friend or two. I'm curious as to their thoughts on the matter.
Although there is no way to know for sure what will happen if you move, I certainly think that where we live provides a lot of opportunities for our child. We are in the suburbs of a large metropolitan area (DC). The weather is definitely not great for outdoor activities, but there are millions of activities and clubs that don't revolve around sports (and also millions of sports, so even the "inept" can play something). We live in a classic family-friendly neighborhood and my son does have a few friends in the neighborhood, but it is true that many people here are busy and kids are scheduled up all day so that it isn't always so easy to just walk outside and play with someone. Still, it's a lot better than living far away from people. We also have a community pool nearby and see a lot of kids there.
I grew up in an isolated, rural area and really hated it. There was only one other girl my age in my neighborhood, and she was the class bully. I do think things would have been better if we'd lived somewhere like where we are now, because there are so many people and so many different things to do, that there is really something for everyone. However, as a parent you still have to be proactive about setting up playdates and taking your kid to different activities. If a parent doesn't actively schedule their kids' social lives here, it probably won't happen.
There are alternatives to group sports, lots if kids prefer 4-H, gymkana sports, and scouting.
I was gonna say this. Scouts, Girl Scouts, 4-H (it's not all agriculture - there are 4-H robotics clubs, for instance), there are art classes, fencing (great sport for kids who are regularly non-sporty), and day camps that do a variety of activities. Do a search online for various kids clubs in your area or in the nearest large city.
If you want to move, go for it. But I don't know if you can magically expect kids to be around you, and for your kids to want to play with them. Right now they're used to being indoors, on their own, and they're shy. Whether you live in town or not, you may need to become a lot more active in planning activities for them. Find out what clubs/activities/classes there are in your area, and then give them a choice - they can choose A, B, or C to do, but they can't choose nothing, and then follow up with it.
Well I certainly wouldn't blame the weather. I live in the PNW in a neighborhood where the kids are out all the time. It's not like it pours rain very often it just drips a lot, and the temperature is really mild just about all the time.
OP we considered living a rural area (it is so beautiful up in the mountains here) but we decided that a community was more important and we also didn't like the idea of our kids as teenagers driving up in the mountains. We live in a very tight knit neighborhood and I'm glad we made the decision that we did.
We lived in the country until I was in 4th grade. I had two very close friends from school, and our moms drove us to play dates, have sleepovers, etc. I also played with my sister. We moved to a small town after that, with 8 kids living directly behind us and a handful more within easy walking distance. We all mostly got along because there wasn't anyone else to play with.
When my kids were 2 and 5, I moved to a nice established neighborhood with sidewalks and bought a house at the back of the cul-de-sac. Only problem - there weren't any other young families; it was mostly original homeowners, now nearing retirement age, or young couples just starting out with no kids. My kids were lonely - so lots of playdates where I drove them around.
After two years, we moved into a new neighborhood - just three years old, still building out. There are lots of kids for the school-aged kids (now 6 and 8) to play, and they spend tons of time outdoors. There aren't that many for the 4-year-old to play with yet, but I think part of that is that we parents don't allow the 4-year-olds to roam very far.
If you move, research the neighborhoods first and make sure that you are getting what you think you are getting.
Sorry about the long post, everyone's comments made me want to mention a few things. I should clarify that we live on a rural county road in an upper middle class suburb, so there is a city about 30 minutes away. We did not realized until after we moved here that most of the homeowners in our neighborhood are retired. I will definitely research neighborhoods if we move, which is why I figured asking about your opinions would be helpful!
It is interesting that many of you mentioned some great activities that are not available within a 45 min. drive for us, another reason I think we should move. My son used to enjoy going to the ymca when they had a place where he could hang out and play table hockey/foosball, but now they changed the age limit so he can't go anymore. Because my kids are shy and freak out in large groups, they seemed to do well in an unstructured small setting. The HOA neighborhood and Fresh99's community seem ideal for us! BTW, my son has been in OT/PT for years, can't learn to ride a bike, is socially awkward, gets picked on by bullies, etc. so he will have problems making friends/fitting in anywhere we go. I almost think he would be better off going to a charter school or small private school (he is gifted) that doesn't have many sport activities, but we don't have any schools like that around here. Most of the boys are doing something athletic at recess and my son just hangs out with his best friend. If his friend isn't there, my son just walks around by himself since he can't play tag or other sporty games (none of the kids will allow him on their team because he is so slow.) I am absolutely terrified of middle school, imagining how the other kids are going to tease/reject him as they become more aware of how he is different. So, I figure if we are going to move, we better do it when he is entering 4th grade and not when he is older.
Someone asked if my kids want to move. No, they don't handle change well and will be devastated. It is complicated, my husband has a new job, commutes 2.5 hrs a day, and he hates it. Unless he finds a job closer to home, we probably need to consider moving over the summer.
Yes, I would suggest moving to a place where there are other kids around. This would at the very least increase the odds that your kids will find other kids that share some of their interests and/or complement them in some way. The dad's commute is also a significant and related issue. If he commutes that long it basically says he's not spending much time with them. Not outdoors anyway.
When I was 6 my parents moved to a very diverse neighborhood represented by a wide range of incomes and by the age of 8 or so I was running wild with friends and having all of the adventures that any boy should be able to have.
You certainly know your kids. But they are still very young and the book on them is far from being written . They might surprise you, given more choices in a new environment. Best of luck.
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