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This whole thing is not "odd". This happens in families and relationships all the time. If we were all 100% candid with each other all the time, we would be mostly alone.
The minute you tell me that my kids are rude, I say "sayonara" to you.
Same goes if I tell my sister that her kids are spoiled brats (which they are). She'd have me for lunch.
Those of you who say be confrontational and all will be fine, You are liars.
I hope that you and your sibling do not move into our school district with your children. We already have too many parents who believe that their Special Snowflakes, Darling Little Angels, Perfect Children can do absolutely nothing wrong and are 100% correct and innocent all of the time.
This whole thing is not "odd". This happens in families and relationships all the time. If we were all 100% candid with each other all the time, we would be mostly alone.
The minute you tell me that my kids are rude, I say "sayonara" to you.
Same goes if I tell my sister that her kids are spoiled brats (which they are). She'd have me for lunch.
Those of you who say be confrontational and all will be fine, You are liars.
I am not a liar and that was rude of you to say that.
I did not say be confrontational.
There is nothing confrontational about addressing inappropriate behavior by telling a child that "we do not act/speak like that in our house."
And there certainly is nothing rude about asking your brother, or anyone else, after some comment such as "your food is disgusting" - "when are you going to teach your kids some manners?" It is a simple question. When? Cause it appears time is ticking and the kids don't have a clue. It is a parent's responsibility to teach a child about being courteous, following rules, using some tact, being respectful, etc.
I have never told anyone their children are "spoiled brats" as that would be RUDE.
Last edited by brokensky; 01-28-2014 at 05:39 PM..
Reason: misspell
If you live only 1 hour away from your brother, why do these get togethers turn into marathon overnight stays?
Is your brother divorced and this is how he elects to entertain his kids when it is "his weekend?"
If your brother is married, why haven't you had any sorts of conversations with his wife about the kids and how inappropriate they are? And why doesn't she say anything to them about their inappropriate remarks? Women usually handle these things between themselves, as mothers.
Is the problem your husband has with all this really about "the children," or is he just tired of having folks plop in his house, eat his food, watch his TV and act like boors -- but figures he can't make the point that he doesn't want your brother back in his home unless he somehow brings "the children" into it?
OP, do you not do anything while you are all together? Sounds like all that happens is tv watching. Even you hiding away in your room watching Breaking bad. Plan activities away from he house! And you still haven't answered - why are these over night visits?
If you had titled this thread "rude children" I'd have more sympathy for your complaint, but the mere fact of kids knowing about current events, tech and pop culture, and of having strong opinions, is not a negative. I think it's great when kids can carry on a reasonable conversation with adults, and when they are confident enough to express their own views. If they are rude about it of course that needs correcting.
This is the whole issue in a nutshell! Do I think the kids in questions could have been more polite? Yes.
Do I have much sympathy for the OP because she thinks kids that aren't sheltered to the extreme are arrogant? Not at all.
I think both sides of this need a bit of 'talkin' to'.
they are not little adults they are rude and inconsiderate.
your brother will reap what he has sown, but not you, they are only nephews. thank you for reminding me i need to change my will, my nephews are lazy bums.
Hi guys. My husband and I we have a daughter, aged 7 and a baby on the way. I will tell you right now that our daugter still co-sleeps with us and is babied/coddled by us. She is not allowed to watch any TV and spends time on computers only at school. In other words, she is a 7 year old that still talks like a little girl, doesn't mouth off, says please and thank you, and plays with toys all day long (when not at school). She would rather play with a toy or play outdoors than watch TV or use devices any day of the week.
None of this is relevant
Quote:
Originally Posted by mictrit
My brother has 2 kids, aged 7 and 10. His kids have been raised the opposite, like adults, from day one. They know all the latest ADULT-THEMED TV shows and movies, they spend hours a day on the computer, they say things like "I already know that you don't have to tell me" and are generally obnoxious kids who act like they are 16 or 17 years old. They do not like to play, they like to be involved in all the adult activities and conversations b/c they think they are adults and that is how their parents treat them. They sulk when they don't get what they want, they go around saying "I'm bored" unless they are on the computer, they barely go outside, etc.
None of this is relevant either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mictrit
The last time my brother, his wife and his kids came to visit (they live an hour away and visit several times a year) my husband barely spoke to the kids b/c he "can't stand those arrogant, know-it-all kids" and how my brother doesn't correct them. I guess what my husband considers rude, my brother and his wife think is "cool" b/c the kids speak like near-adults. They can have conversations with adults about pop culture and the news b/c these kids are exposed to all of it (in contrast, my daughter doesn't even know what an "app" is). These kids are very verbally advanced and say things like "the food you make is disgusting" (to me). One day when I was watching an episode of Breaking Bad the 7 year old girl barges in to my bedroom and says, "Breaking Bad is soooooo OVER", etc.
Your husband sounds like a baby. They are children. They sound like normal kids who haven't learned to filter what they say yet. They will eventually learn to to filter what they say and to tell you that they didn't care for (fill in the blank) rather than call it disgusting. But they are kids. Be patient. All of the judgmental nonsense about how your brother is raising his kids is unnecessary. I prefer his method (allowing tv, teaching kids to have conversations with adults, allowing computers, etc.) to your method of sequestering your child away from the world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mictrit
My questions are:
1. Is my husband being unreasonable with his intolerance of my brother's kids?
2. Is there a compromise solution to this problem?
3. I feel bad about this b/c I love my brother and I want to spend time with him but the way he is raising his kids is something I don't agree with and quite frankly I don't want my kids exposed to. What is appropriate here?
4. Is it appropriate for me to correct the rude and arrogant behavior of these kids when they come stay with us?
1. Yes absolutely. They are children. I know you think your child is perfect but she isn't. All children are children. They are not fully formed. Your husband needs to be tolerant of them.
2. No. You hate the way your brother raises his kids. I assure you that he hates the way you are raising your kids. There is no compromise to that.
3. See above. It's not appropriate to tell your brother how to raise his children. I have some very strong (negative) opinions about you describe the way you are raising your children. It's not my place to tell you how to raise your children even though I have opinions about it.
4. Yes it is appropriate to correct children who are visiting in your house about house rules.
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