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I think parents are to blame, to a point. We only have one child but try not to emphasize owning things. We are not well off and often 'go with less' than others. We don't own much furniture, for example, which gets our spendthrift relatives shaking their heads. I've been a SAHM for 10 years. That second income, now, has become needed because of moving to a new place.
I think it is perfectly fine to sit down and tell your kids, 'look, we don't have the money to get you all IPODs, PS3s, tvs, whatever...' Even if I did have the money, I would NOT allow my son his own tv or vcr or computer at 9 years old. He has too much of an obsession with these things anyhow because he has Asperger's Syndrome.
We have told our son holidays and so on ARE NOT about 'owning things.' (nor do we emphasize religion). We had him buy a donation toy (Toys for Tots) last year from his modest allowance. I suggest you have your greedy kids ante up some of their holiday money and have them give it to charity (or better, take them to buy a Toy For Tots).
I think the attitude is due in part to way too much media advertising in a child's life. Now some kids are more selfish than others but if you see a big trend, check how much tv and other media (magazine advertising, store shopping, etc.) they are exposed to each and every day.
Here is where church and parents have to decide enough is enough and provide the alternatives. Check out "Material World" for a great photo essay book on how much people around the world own. Discuss such things with your kids. Talk about homelessness and children with nothing in their lives here in the USA.
Talk in terms of needs and wants. Help them understand that their needs are being met and what exists is wants. Talk about affordability and savings.
But the biggest thing is to keep them away from advertising and the constant barage of "you have to have this to be happy" messages.
Well here is a story for you...
A young family with 3 kids. 3 kids have everything their little hearts could desire. Being very ungrateful on one Christmas morning.
Father stands up and says "Oh I am so sorry! Well didn't you get anything you like? I tell you what each of you go get your favorite thing you got this year". THe kids each went and got their prized Christmas gift and came back glowing. Dad said "Wrap it up"...
huh interesting...okay all wrapped up.
He packs his kids in the car and drives them to an employees house in a very different part of town. He has the kids hand over there favorite gift to the employees children.
I have never been anything but grateful every since
My brother and I grew up receiving one gift at Christmas from my parents and one from Santa. That was it from my parents for Christmas. All of our cousins and friends received a gazillion gifts from their parents and Santa. My parents chose carefully and that one gift we received meant a lot to us. For whatever reason, I don't ever remember complaining or thinking that I wish we'd received more.
We're planning on doing the same for our children. I think it's just outrageous what parents think their kids can't live without.
I think the attitude is due in part to way too much media advertising in a child's life. Now some kids are more selfish than others but if you see a big trend, check how much tv and other media (magazine advertising, store shopping, etc.) they are exposed to each and every day.
Here is where church and parents have to decide enough is enough and provide the alternatives. Check out "Material World" for a great photo essay book on how much people around the world own. Discuss such things with your kids. Talk about homelessness and children with nothing in their lives here in the USA.
Talk in terms of needs and wants. Help them understand that their needs are being met and what exists is wants. Talk about affordability and savings.
But the biggest thing is to keep them away from advertising and the constant barage of "you have to have this to be happy" messages.
We do all of these things. Part of the problem is that so many kids they know and are friends with or go to school with get and have SO much stuff! I remind my kids that they may not have all that stuff but they have me at home every day when they get home from school (I'm SAHM). That a lot of their friends come home to an empty house.
To be honest, we could afford to do a pretty darn big Christmas for the kids, but we don't want to do that. We want them to appreciate what they have. We want them to know it is the kind of person you are that matters, not what you have!
It seems like your children might have an abstact idea that there are poorer children out there, etc, but might not really "get it." One idea is for you guys (maybe do this as a large group depending on your financial situation) adopt another family for Christmas. You can get to know about the actual family, their circumstances, and in some cases, deliver the presents yourself (so the kids can see what being "poor" really looks like). Just a thought. My younger cousin is 7. She knows that some children are less fortunate, but until I went to Africa and brought back pictures of the actual living conditions and put names to the kids and there stories, she didn't get it. Sometimes they just need that firm link.
It seems like your children might have an abstact idea that there are poorer children out there, etc, but might not really "get it." One idea is for you guys (maybe do this as a large group depending on your financial situation) adopt another family for Christmas. You can get to know about the actual family, their circumstances, and in some cases, deliver the presents yourself (so the kids can see what being "poor" really looks like). Just a thought. My younger cousin is 7. She knows that some children are less fortunate, but until I went to Africa and brought back pictures of the actual living conditions and put names to the kids and there stories, she didn't get it. Sometimes they just need that firm link.
That sounds like a good idea. I'll look into it! Thank you very much for the suggestion.
Christmas is nearing and the Christmas lists are coming from our 4 children. None of them believe in Santa anymore. They seem to want, want, want. We are trying to teach our kids to not be materialistic in an extreamly materialistic world. It is hard!! I'm looking for some ideas on how to handle the situation. I have signed them up for "ringing the bell" for salvation army. We talk of the kids and families that are less fortunate than us. We give our toys and clothes to the "poor" kids regularly. We go to church on Sundays, so they know it's baby Jesus' birthday.
Our kids are not spoiled, but sometimes their attitudes don't show this. How have other parents handled this? One family we know aren't getting their kids any gifts for Christmas because their children have become so selfish and un-grateful. I don't want to go that far, but I need to do something.
I didn't read the other post yet but... how old are your kids? Signing up your kids to ring the bell is a good start but... IMO it's not enough. For my kids, we clear out all the unused toys and clothes they don't need anymore (of their choosing), and donate them. They are not old enough yet, but eventually we will be serving meals to the needy, they will be donating a portion of their allowance to a charity of their choosing, etc. Their are MANY community volunteers that could use you and your kids help. I would start there if I were you.
My kids are not lavished with gifts - they have more than my husband and I ever did however. But we are very conscientious of the fact that it's "cool" to be greedy and materialistic in our society (or so it seems) - and I hate that about our culture - so we've begun to curb it NOW while they are young and impressionable...
Christmas is nearing and the Christmas lists are coming from our 4 children. None of them believe in Santa anymore. They seem to want, want, want.
I think that's how kids are, for the most part. They think the earth revolves around them, but then they grow out of it. I didn't learn to think of others until I was about 40 years old.
My kids get so much stuff between "santa", my family and my in-laws. They get to keep half of the stuff they get. They go through and pick out the stuff they really really want, then I pack up the rest of the gifts and mail them to St. Jude Children's Hospital. I've been teaching them over the past few years about giving to others and it's really been making an impact on them.
As someone that has bought gifts, I would have a problem with this. If you don't wish your children to have the gifts, please be honest to the people buying them. If they feel it's ok for you to donate what they bought your kids, then go for it... as I do like the idea otherwise...
I have a few gift giving stories where I gave kids gifts and never saw them again and wondered why. Every year, I'd save the extra money to get a few kids something. Gosh, I could have used that $25 per kid to pay bills
I would raher someone be honest with me that their kids needed nothing, then for me to waste my money. We do buy for kids that wouldn't get otherwise, whether it is mittens or small toy / book.I always donate clothes & toys.. my kids stuff does not go to their rooms until we clean out the unused. Same goes for my hubby & myself
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