Selfish kids at Christmas time. (support, daughter, grandpa, students)

[Homewardbound66]

Originally Posted by Drouzin

Oh my gosh did this catch my attention on the right morning! Last night a 13 year old was brought into the jail after an argument with his Mother. His Mother claimed that he had thrown the TV remote at her. The kid was very small for his age, and inconsolably crying his eyes out. The deputy assigned to sit with him had tried everything he could think of to calm the boy down, but could get nowhere so he called for Hubby (who is known for calming down out of control prisoners). Hubby came home with this story…

The boy is bipolar, is picked on at school because he is small, is on several different meds, is dealing with Katrina fall out, is living below poverty level, is going to get Christmas presents donated from a church, is going to get Christmas dinner from a church, is dealing with an out of control drug addict older sister, and is now dealing with the betrayal of his own mother. He admitted to my husband that yes, he cursed his mother out, but swears he didn’t throw the remote. Hubby believes him. The kid isn’t crying inconsolably because he’s in jail, but because his own mother lied to the cops about the thrown remote and sent him off to jail. He is mourning the loss of trust that his mother would do nothing to harm him. The relationship will never be the same and he is devastated. This kid was no hardened juvenile thug.

Frankly, I don’t know what ya’ll do if the kids are spoiled. As a former inner city teacher, and the wife of a corrections officer, I’ve seen the he** that some kids go through at home. Our son was reminded quite often how lucky he was and was taught the he was owed nothing but food, clothing, an education, and love. Anything else he got was lagniappe and he needed to be grateful for it.

PS. Hubby is a softie, but no pushover, when he said he believed this kid, please remember that he hears sob stories all the time and is very skeptical. So when he says he believes this kid, I believe him.

Wow! That's an amazingly sad story. Was his mother trying to teach him a lesson because what an obscene way to go about it. Sometimes you wonder why some people are parents. There has got to be some common sense.

[Seaharbour]

We never had that problem, we taught our child to appreciate the nonmaterial side of the holidays, we focus on charity, spiritualism and the great outdoors.

[KevK]

Originally Posted by treeg26

Christmas is nearing and the Christmas lists are coming from our 4 children. None of them believe in Santa anymore. They seem to want, want, want. We are trying to teach our kids to not be materialistic in an extreamly materialistic world. It is hard!! I'm looking for some ideas on how to handle the situation. I have signed them up for "ringing the bell" for salvation army. We talk of the kids and families that are less fortunate than us. We give our toys and clothes to the "poor" kids regularly. We go to church on Sundays, so they know it's baby Jesus' birthday.

Our kids are not spoiled, but sometimes their attitudes don't show this. How have other parents handled this? One family we know aren't getting their kids any gifts for Christmas because their children have become so selfish and un-grateful. I don't want to go that far, but I need to do something.

I had mine give a list of 3 items they wanted. They would get one of the items so long as it did not go over a certain amount per the age of the child. The amount would go up with age. A child will ask for the world if he thinks he can get it. That is just the way their minds work and if you spoil them, it will do them or you no good in the future.

[michelleleigh]

Okay my son will be four since he was 2 (like he will rember) I have let him pick out toys he would like then we give them to charity. It probably means nothing now but hopefully it will help him be giving when he grows u[p.

[treeg26]

Thank goodness my kids seem to get it a little better now that we've been talking and talking! They are excited about Christmas, but more about the gifts we are giving than what they think they will get! I am taking them each to buy something small for eachother and Daddy. They are so excited to give the gifts they got eachother....with their own money!

[michelleritterva]

I couldn't agree more on maintaining the routine of christmas gifts to your children at Christmas. I had a horrible christmas this year due to the kids getting so much stuff from grandparents and when I have a job and do it alone my "alot" wasn't good enough. It broke my heart terribly.

[treeg26]

Originally Posted by michelleritterva

I couldn't agree more on maintaining the routine of christmas gifts to your children at Christmas. I had a horrible christmas this year due to the kids getting so much stuff from grandparents and when I have a job and do it alone my "alot" wasn't good enough. It broke my heart terribly.

I am so sorry to hear that!! It wasn't too many years ago that I was hardly making ends meet and had no idea where I was going to get the money for Christmas. I am so sorry your children didn't appreciate your efforts. Let them see how sad it made you! They need to know they really hurt your feelings. Sometimes they don't realise how much they can hurt us. Hang in there, Mom! You're doing the best you can.

[michelleritterva]

My oldest doesn't care that it hurt my feelings. His response this morning was "didn't you feel sorry for me enough to go get what I wanted now?"

[sskkc]

My kids are 5 and 8. They have 3 sets of grandparents, 3 great grandmothers- and all are well off and want to spoil them. I never had much as a child, nor did my husband... when did our parents get so generous?!

Twice a year, spring and fall, we purge their bedrooms of all the toys they don't play with. I've taught them that if you can't keep your room clean, then you must have "too much". They get to decide what they want to keep, what they want to donate and sometimes what they want to pack away for "their kids" (special stuff they're too old for).

The grandparents were upset with this purge until I had a chat with each of them several years ago and explained their grandchildren were turning into greedy monsters... I sent photos of ALL the gifts they'd received that year for Christmas, instead of just what each set sent. One set now chooses to send one gift per child per holiday. The others all chose to send me money (my father's suggestion - this also saves on shipping). I buy the gifts I think the kids really want, and wrap them from each of them. The excess monies go in the bank. We're planning our first trip to Disney this year... half of the trip will be paid for with the excess my husband and I have received. The kids will each have a few hundred to spend at the Disney gift shops. Everybody's happy. "Credit" is given to the gift givers, and no one feels their money is wasted or unappreciated.

Anyway, when the selfish monster rears his ugly head, we deal with it head on. It only took once, but the last time my son made a not so kind comment about a gift he received... he did not take it out of the package... he hand delivered it to Goodwill.

I know this is a different approach that many folks take, but I don't agree that just because others are poor or can't afford things, that my kids should go without... this is why my husband didn't have much as a kid... his parents used to feel that life should be "fair".

Then using the story of the "Rainbow Fish", I explained to my mother in law that "fair" is another word for "communism".

My siblings-in-law have all expressed shock at the change in their mom ever since!

[RoaminRed]

Originally Posted by michelleritterva

My oldest doesn't care that it hurt my feelings. His response this morning was "didn't you feel sorry for me enough to go get what I wanted now?"

If my child ever said that to me, I'd take away the presents he did get, and then he'd have to work to get them back. And I mean work HARD. It's not the child's fault that he's ungrateful, he simply hasn't been taught that life does not give anything for free. He needs to work for it. If he's old enough to get an actual job, send him out looking. If not then put him to work around the house. Decide what the dollar value of the gifts is, and "pay" him minimum wage for working. Have him work off the value of the gifts to earn them back. If he decides he doesn't want to earn them back, give them to charity and make him work off the cost anyway.

No mercy.