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the first part of the post would be a step backwards and would only create a new set of expectations: that the mom watch the daughter fall asleep. the girl is already able to get to sleep by herself, so why disrupt the one positive thing that's already in place? what isn't working with the early part of the routine is that the mother only does it "a few nights a week." it has to be done every night.
the second point (the midnight scene), there's no point in explaining anything--that's just another point of delay that disrupts the process. quickly take her to her room at midnight and tuck her in and be gone. repeat as necessary.
i bet it takes one week. maybe longer if she's stubborn or if the parent gives too many mixed signals that disrupt the process in an absolutely consistent way that shows she can't get what she wants.
also, a good pediatrician will answer these questions on sleep problems, sleep style transitions (transitioning to sleeping alone) and childhood development in general. Consult your doctor for better advice, IMO. you're just going to get a bunch of conflicting advice from us!
every time we end up trying to correct our bad habits we get a nice one time re-direct from the doctor and we're good to go when we follow his advice. good to go until the next bad habit we create, i mean!
You're absolutely right - I had forgotten that the girl was willing to fall asleep on her own at bedtime at this point.
I have a 6yr old who is almost 7 and she still sleeps with me. I will accept the blame and know that I am the cause of this. She's been sleeping with me since she was an infant and I never had a problem until now.
I need help and suggestions..
What I've done, is made her room as cute and comfortable as I can. For a few nights a week I tell her she has to be a big girl and sleep in her own room. After a few tears she eventually goes to bed and falls asleep but mid night she's back in my bed. I've told her that I need her to be comfortable and able to sleep alone before she can sleep with me again.
Part of the reason for this is a. I feel she's at the age where she needs to sleep in her own bed. b. If I remarry, I wouldn't want her still sleeping in the same bed. c. she still cries when she spends the night at her grandparents because she can't sleep without me.
Is it wrong for me to want her to sleep alone, or should I just let her continue sleeping with me until she's comfortable enough to sleep alone. Tonight, she refused to go in her room and is next to me as I type.
If it weren't for my husband, I would not be in a hurry to kick my 5 year old out of the bed. However, our marriage is actually suffering, so we have been trying to get him to sleep in his own room. We've had some success, but it takes work. First, I fixed up his room nicely and added some comfort things - a nightlight, a special toy, a picture of a superhero he likes. So it was like, here's your new room, isn't it great? He'll sleep there now, but we have to get in bed with him until he falls asleep. He wakes up around 5 and wants to come to our room, which is OK for us except we don't like being woken up at 5. We are hoping he'll gradually sleep longer and maybe we can transition from getting into the bed with him to just sitting by it, and so on.
Gotta agree w/ Hopes and Golf Girl, it's time (actually beyond) for her to sleep on her own, delaying it is just going to make it more of a habit than it's become. Maybe give her a sticker each nite she stays in the bed and after 5-7 stickers, take her to the Dollar store to buy pick out something she wants etc - she really needs to be in her own bed though (alth. she wont be happy but there are things we have to do that sometimes make us unhappy, explain to her you sleep in a bed by yourself, her relatives do, her friends to, you could even say when she goes away to college, she'll be in her own bed etc. I wouldnt overly explain it and get into a big discussion about it, that's the way it is, kids do better sleeping in their own beds and feel better rested in the morning (likely she wont in the beginning but she doesnt need to know that!, look at the 'big picture').
She has to start. I remember my parents telling me that it was until I was 10 that I slept in their bed and only then I started sleeping in my bedroom on my own accord. My son, was pretty much going down the same road, but me and the mrs were already thinking about getting him a sister. That simply couldn't happen for obvious reasons, besides, we stay talking a lot throughout at the night sometimes until sleep catches up. And when he was a baby, it was fine, he is a heavy sleeper, as long as we wispered, but it just gotten awkward a lot of the times and it has an impact on your intimate life, absolutely.
I think he enjoys the fact that I tell him stories until we both fall asleep, but the situation was becoming a bit too much like the norm. Now I still read him stories (or make up my own) and if I fall assleep my wife just comes by the room to pick me up.
What I suggest is that you do not stop the initial ritual of getting your child to bed. I'm pretty sure she NEEDS that very much. But the scenario really needs to be shifted to her own bed. It means you'll probably have to tuck her in and do whatever it is you do until she falls asleep the first few days. Then she'll find her place in the routine. Worked wonders for my kid and he's getting a sister soon!
My older daughter left my bed when I set up her room so she shared a room with her sister. Instead of sleeping with me, she sleeps with her sister now. They both enjoy this, so it works out. We had two beds in there, but they started just sleeping in the same bed together, so now we just have one bed in there for them. They are 7 and 4 now and have been doing this for about 2+ years.
I don't have any problem with them sharing a bed. I know that I prefer not to sleep alone. I sleep with my husband. I'm glad that they have each other for that now, and I think they have a strong bond. One day, one of them will decide that she'd rather sleep alone, and when that happens she can go sleep in the other bed. It is not uncommon for children in other cultures (ie Japan) to share a bed with parents or siblings even up to around the age of puberty. I certainly don't think there is anything *wrong* with it. It's just your preference.
Sometimes, my daughter will wake up crying in the night, and I will go in and lay down with her in the bed until she falls back to sleep. Then I will return to my own bed. This is one way to help them when they wake in the night, without the expectation that they will come to your bed.
I also like the idea of putting a mattress or sleeping bag on the floor in your room, and saying that she can come in and sleep there, but not in your bed. I think that would make a fine transition too, and she is old enough to understand it.
I also like the idea of putting a mattress or sleeping bag on the floor in your room, and saying that she can come in and sleep there, but not in your bed. I think that would make a fine transition too, and she is old enough to understand it.
It's a bad idea. That's how my sister didn't get her daughter out of their room until she was 12.
It's a bad idea. That's how my sister didn't get her daughter out of their room until she was 12.
I don't think you can definitively conclude that it's a bad idea across the board. It clearly didn't work in your sister's case but It has worked for other people. Most families get through this without professional intervention.
I have a 6yr old who is almost 7 and she still sleeps with me. I will accept the blame and know that I am the cause of this. She's been sleeping with me since she was an infant and I never had a problem until now.
I need help and suggestions..
What I've done, is made her room as cute and comfortable as I can. For a few nights a week I tell her she has to be a big girl and sleep in her own room. After a few tears she eventually goes to bed and falls asleep but mid night she's back in my bed. I've told her that I need her to be comfortable and able to sleep alone before she can sleep with me again.
She has some growing up to do. You've already explained things to her, many times, and made her room comfortable.
Lock your bedroom door.
And if that doesn't work, keep the paddle handy.
-----------------------------
P.S. If her tears work on you, then YOU have some growing up to do, too. You owe it to her to do it.
If you are looking for a solution, there are several good ones. If you are looking for a solution that won't cause YOU pain, there are none.
It's a bad idea. That's how my sister didn't get her daughter out of their room until she was 12.
I'm just rarely in favor of a "cold-turkey" style approach for things like this. I think there can be a transitional phase. And if one transition doesn't work out, they can try something else. People are just giving OP some different options. Just because one technique didn't work out the way your sister wanted, doesn't mean it wouldn't work out fine for someone else. I certainly don't think there has to be any kind of rush rush emergency to get this kid in her own bed ASAP or something. What's the point of that?
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