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I have a 6yr old who is almost 7 and she still sleeps with me. I will accept the blame and know that I am the cause of this. She's been sleeping with me since she was an infant and I never had a problem until now.
I need help and suggestions..
What I've done, is made her room as cute and comfortable as I can. For a few nights a week I tell her she has to be a big girl and sleep in her own room. After a few tears she eventually goes to bed and falls asleep but mid night she's back in my bed. I've told her that I need her to be comfortable and able to sleep alone before she can sleep with me again.
Part of the reason for this is a. I feel she's at the age where she needs to sleep in her own bed. b. If I remarry, I wouldn't want her still sleeping in the same bed. c. she still cries when she spends the night at her grandparents because she can't sleep without me.
Is it wrong for me to want her to sleep alone, or should I just let her continue sleeping with me until she's comfortable enough to sleep alone. Tonight, she refused to go in her room and is next to me as I type.
I've told her that I need her to be comfortable and able to sleep alone before she can sleep with me again.
She's never going to leave your bed if you leave coming back as an option. Just put her in her bed every night. When she comes in at midnight, steer her back to her bad and tuck her in again. There's no easy way to do it. It gets harder before it gets easier.
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Originally Posted by Imagirlnamedk
Is it wrong for me to want her to sleep alone...
You don't truly believe you caused this problem if you're asking this question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imagirlnamedk
...or should I just let her continue sleeping with me until she's comfortable enough to sleep alone.
That would be a big mistake. My sister's daughter didn't leave her parent's room until she was 12 years old with the help of psychologists at Children's Hospital.
Just keep putting her back in her own bed.....makes for a sleepless week but the end result is better. She is also old enough to understand no so tell her she can't sleep in your bed. Maybe for a transition, if she needs to be in your room, she can sleep on the floor if she needs to come in during the middle of the night.
Put her to bed in her own room, with you sitting in a chair by the bed, reading silently to yourself. When she falls asleep, leave. Move the chair every night closer to the door, as quickly as you can. Then move the chair outside the door. Soon she will be able to fall asleep on her own, in her own bed, without you present.
As for her coming into your bed in the middle of the night, explain to her that you need to sleep alone in order to be well rested. Get a bunch of little things - trolls, my pretty ponies, little toys that a girl her age would like. You don't even have to buy them - just ask someone with a twelve yr old girl for the junk toy drawer! Wrap them up individually and put them in a big party bag. Tell her that if she can stay in her bed all night, without waking you, she will get a present out of the present grab bag in the morning. If she does wake you up during the night, she gets no present, and she loses all screen time that day.
She is responding to your need to have her in the bed with you. When you are firm and consistent, she'll give up.
Put her to bed in her own room, with you sitting in a chair by the bed, reading silently to yourself. When she falls asleep, leave. Move the chair every night closer to the door, as quickly as you can. Then move the chair outside the door. Soon she will be able to fall asleep on her own, in her own bed, without you present.
As for her coming into your bed in the middle of the night, explain to her that you need to sleep alone in order to be well rested. Get a bunch of little things - trolls, my pretty ponies, little toys that a girl her age would like. You don't even have to buy them - just ask someone with a twelve yr old girl for the junk toy drawer! Wrap them up individually and put them in a big party bag. Tell her that if she can stay in her bed all night, without waking you, she will get a present out of the present grab bag in the morning. If she does wake you up during the night, she gets no present, and she loses all screen time that day.
She is responding to your need to have her in the bed with you. When you are firm and consistent, she'll give up.
the first part of the post would be a step backwards and would only create a new set of expectations: that the mom watch the daughter fall asleep. the girl is already able to get to sleep by herself, so why disrupt the one positive thing that's already in place? what isn't working with the early part of the routine is that the mother only does it "a few nights a week." it has to be done every night.
the second point (the midnight scene), there's no point in explaining anything--that's just another point of delay that disrupts the process. quickly take her to her room at midnight and tuck her in and be gone. repeat as necessary.
i bet it takes one week. maybe longer if she's stubborn or if the parent gives too many mixed signals that disrupt the process in an absolutely consistent way that shows she can't get what she wants.
also, a good pediatrician will answer these questions on sleep problems, sleep style transitions (transitioning to sleeping alone) and childhood development in general. Consult your doctor for better advice, IMO. you're just going to get a bunch of conflicting advice from us!
every time we end up trying to correct our bad habits we get a nice one time re-direct from the doctor and we're good to go when we follow his advice. good to go until the next bad habit we create, i mean!
I saw this as my now 7 year old dd's future back when she was 3, and this is what I did to nip it in the bud.
First, I tried the taking her back into her own bed every time she got into mine, but after a certain point I would get tired and give up. I have to get up early and go to work and couldn't afford to spend the whole night dragging her back to bed a hundred thousand times.
Then, in desperation, I got her a TV and let her watch movies until she fell asleep. The problem was, she wasn't going to sleep. She was staying up all night watching movies. So I wouldn't recommend that either.
I think what finally worked was me laying down with her in HER bed until she fell asleep, then getting up and getting into my own. Sometimes I was so tired I ended up spending the whole night in her terribly uncomfortable little twin bed with her, but gradually, I had to spend less and less time laying down with her until I could finally just read a story, kiss goodnight, and leave.
To this day, she still creeps in my bed at night sometimes, but it's very seldom.
Good luck! It's a long process, but it can happen.
You might try having a mattress on the floor in your room as a transition when she wakes up. Tell her she can sleep there, but not in bed with you. I would have her start in her own bed every night, not just once in every few days, but every day.
Or you might try rewarding her for staying in her own bed all night. Figure out something she really wants and make it a reward for staying in her own bed all week (I think a week will break the habit of her coming to bed with you).
Actually I agree with the PP about sitting with her in her room until she goes to sleep. We did this with my now 7 y.o., the thing is once you start doing that it won't be every night. It just needs to take enough time for her to feel safe and comfortable, and for her to want to be there on her own.
Does she have a special lovey? Do you have a nightlight or anything? Is she afraid of the dark? Talking about these things helps (not suggesting anything, just asking, "Why do you like sleeping in mommy's bed?" and following up with "What can we do to make you feel X?" where X is based on the answer to the first question. Also reassuring: I'm right down the hall, you can call me if you need me, I'll be back to check on you in 5 minutes, etc. Or even just popping your head in frequently, giving a kiss, etc. She probably just needs to know that you are there and will be there if she needs you. If she feels you're accessible while she's in her room she'll be less likely to try to seek you out.
Can she read? The promise of being able to stay up later reading in bed often keeps our guy in his own room on nights when he can't settle himself down.
I wonder if the girl is having nightmares or is under some kind of stress.
Kids normally like their own rooms by the time they're that age. Maybe a fish aquarian in her room or a pet of some kind to keep her from feeling too alone.
I second the idea of lying in bed with her and then leaving once she sleeps. She's probably just comfortable in your presence and needs your body heat to soothe her to sleep. Perhaps knowing you are there reduces her stress and helps her fall asleep. Is she prone to nightmares?
Children often decide when they want to leave. If none of the suggestions work I think you should let her decide so that it can happen naturally. If you force her out that may freak her out and cause her to latch on more.
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