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I need some advise with my daughter who is 8 years old. She goes to school. She is not A+ student. She is average. Also in sports. She is very average. In Piano, she is in the same level for past two years. In Swimming she is not moving to next level. She started swimming at age of 4. She knows how to swim. She is in the swim team but she always comes last person. She is very slow in everything she does. Never double checks her H.W. I can find so many mistake (care less mistake). She doesn't even write her own name or date is missing. Spelling and etc.. I have to tell her every day same thing. Write your name, date and etc.. etc...
She doesn't even like to eat. I have to tell her to eat million times. I have to keep bugging her.
I see no fire in her, she is not excelling to next level. She doesn't like to work hard. Only thing she likes to do watch T.V or Netflix. or Play on the laptop or Iphone or Ipad. On Weekends, she likes to play Sony play station Wii. Every day she wants to paly with her sister who is four years younger to her.
I told her million times, work hard. She keeps saying she will. But I see no improvement.
What I am doing wrong? How do I make this kid go-getter?
What are you doing wrong? You're not letting your daughter be an 8 year old. It doesn't matter if she comes in last in swim meets. It doesn't matter if she's not progressing at piano. All that matters is if she enjoys doing those things. Does she enjoy them?
Are these activities she picked for herself or did you pick activities that aren't suited for her personality? If you picked the activities, I recommend changing to ones she likes. People become passionate when they are doing things they enjoy. If her whole life is filled with doing things she doesn't like and her performance disappoints you, she'll loose motivation in doing anything, even the important things like schoolwork because there's no happiness in her life.
You said you bug her a million times about working hard and eating. (Some people aren't big eaters. Nothing is worse than forcing them.) You are badgering your daughter. That's why she's not a go-getter. You're not motivating her and praising her. She has no good reason to try because nothing is good enough for you.
Some people are just not go getters. It's hard as parents to see our children come out different than we are. I remember once talking to someone about my oldest daughter (I think she was 14 at the time) and I said, "I just don't understand her and the decisions she makes," and the person said, "But she's NOT YOU." And even though it seems like a duh moment, it was at that exact moment that it really struck me that YES---she is NOT ME. She is a completely separate person with her own likes/dislikes, goals, motivation (or lack thereof), and interests. It is important to love and respect your child exactly for who they are, even if they are completely different from you.
I understand what you are saying--I think it's natural to want your kid to be good at something. But some kids just aren't, don't have the interest or motivation to rise to the top of the game. That's ok, too. Work with her natural interests. Maybe she doesn't like piano or swimming. Maybe she'd rather do horseback riding or karate. Maybe she'll never be a top performer, but life isn't about being the best....it's about being yourself.
Being a slacker is not genetic. It's conditioned behavior. Being naturally gifted to excel at certain things is certainly genetic, but being a slacker is not. I don't care if my son is gifted or not at the things I excelled at (math and science, public speech and technical employment), but I do expect him to have a cursory sense of self-worth predicated on work ethic and self-reliance, in order to become a productive member of society. I will lead by example as he grows up, just as my father consistently did for 16 years and then I will expect him to behave in kind as he becomes an adult.
That is an expectation that will be instilled in his upbringing just as it was when I was growing up. Failing to do that will have consequences. I'll always love my son but he'll get no quarters from me if he chooses a life of slacking in spite of our example. Game is chess it ain't checkers. My son won't be immune to the scarcity of life. To suggest so would be the biggest disservice I could impart on him.
I do agree at 8 years old these contentions are ludicrous though. Behavior throughout high school is a more solid indicator of where the child is leaning, and can be more sternly vectored into the behavior that is expected of him/her than screaming at an 8 year old that doesn't have a concept of the meaning of these adult values. You have to go hungry and be responsible for rent before you can internalize the significance of temperance and work ethic. An 8 year old is not expected to face those conditions yet. You can introduce them as generalities, but it isn't until they're socially aware that they are at the end of the plank as upcoming young adults, that these things become "real".
I need some advise with my daughter who is 8 years old. She goes to school. She is not A+ student. She is average. Also in sports. She is very average. In Piano, she is in the same level for past two years. In Swimming she is not moving to next level. She started swimming at age of 4. She knows how to swim. She is in the swim team but she always comes last person. She is very slow in everything she does. Never double checks her H.W. I can find so many mistake (care less mistake). She doesn't even write her own name or date is missing. Spelling and etc.. I have to tell her every day same thing. Write your name, date and etc.. etc...
She doesn't even like to eat. I have to tell her to eat million times. I have to keep bugging her.
I see no fire in her, she is not excelling to next level. She doesn't like to work hard. Only thing she likes to do watch T.V or Netflix. or Play on the laptop or Iphone or Ipad. On Weekends, she likes to play Sony play station Wii. Every day she wants to paly with her sister who is four years younger to her.
I told her million times, work hard. She keeps saying she will. But I see no improvement.
What I am doing wrong? How do I make this kid go-getter?
Is she happy?
Before you start working on other issues, make sure that one is nailed down. You may end up with huge regrets if you don't get that part right.
For me, I motivate by making privileges contingent on grades. I'm not angry or emotional about it. It's a decision for my kids to make. They liked to play video games, and they know what they have to do in order to play video games. That works pretty well so far.
They take music lessons, but only because they want to and only on the instruments they have chosen, (drums and guitar.) I play with them, so we make it fun.
Although I was into sports my kids don't seem to be. That's fine with me.
In the end, making sure they are happy and making sure they are learning/making good grades are the only things that I really concentrate on.
Grades do matter, but all kids like video games and netflix. I'd be supportive towards her and encourage her to excel by providing positive reinforcement. In the end having a high paying career is nice, but not everyone is cut out for that and money isn't everything. Having a well adjusted, loving kid is more important.
Does she have friends? Is she a nice person? You say she swims and does piano, that is good. Rather than punish for bad grades, I would reward for good grades.. take her to her favorite waterpark or theme park if she gets good grades... ask her where she'd love to go and provide it as incentive. Positive reinforcement works much better than constant nagging which will only bring on resistance.... balance is required because some kids will attempt to walk all over people and take control of the situation more than others... some do require negative reinforcement especially at younger ages.
Also, to be honest, if she's not skin and bones I wouldn't worry about a person eating all the time... it's a false assumption that humans must eat 3 meals a day or they will starve and die.. humans can and have gone days without food.. better to be underweight than overweight, in my opinion. Her body will let her know when she needs to eat/drink.
I'm also not the type of parent who would bail their kids out as adults like some people I know do all the time. I'd teach her personal responsibility as she got older, and remind her that if she makes mistakes, she will have to be accountable and will not get bailed out all the time financially. No nagging, just here and there reminding.
You sound like a micro-managing nitpicking parent. Instead of raising a "go-getter", you're raising someone to passively-aggresivley ignore you to maintain some sense of autonomy.
"Success" is not felt nor achieved the same way for everyone. Instead of shoving your ideas of success down your kid's throat, why not actually get to know & understand her as an individual? You treat your kid like a project, not a human being.
I need some advise with my daughter who is 8 years old. She goes to school. She is not A+ student. She is average. Also in sports. She is very average. In Piano, she is in the same level for past two years. In Swimming she is not moving to next level. She started swimming at age of 4. She knows how to swim. She is in the swim team but she always comes last person. She is very slow in everything she does. Never double checks her H.W. I can find so many mistake (care less mistake). She doesn't even write her own name or date is missing. Spelling and etc.. I have to tell her every day same thing. Write your name, date and etc.. etc...
She doesn't even like to eat. I have to tell her to eat million times. I have to keep bugging her.
I see no fire in her, she is not excelling to next level. She doesn't like to work hard. Only thing she likes to do watch T.V or Netflix. or Play on the laptop or Iphone or Ipad. On Weekends, she likes to play Sony play station Wii. Every day she wants to paly with her sister who is four years younger to her.
I told her million times, work hard. She keeps saying she will. But I see no improvement.
What I am doing wrong? How do I make this kid go-getter?
Take all electronics away from her and out of the house if possible.
Some kids are not go getters no matter what you do but all of the electronic crap is not good for her.
Send her outside to play, have her checked by her Physician to rule out any medical issues.
As far as the eating goes, kids eat when they are hungry and if all she does is sit around and play electronic games she is not putting out any energy so she will not be as hungry.
Give her daily chores to get done, make her sit in front of you and do her homework.
Give her a structured routine that does not include electronics.
What you need to remember is that your daughter is only 8 years old. They cannot see and prioritize things the way adults do. It is normal for 8 year old kids to watch TV, play video games, etc.
What are you doing wrong? One thing to absolutely avoid is for your daughter to burn out early and think that nothing is good enough for you so might as well quit trying. Also, instead of having lofty expectations and ask your daughter to excel in academics, sports and music, be thankful that your daughter is average in all three areas, which is not commonly seen among 8 year old kids nowadays. Who chose swimming and piano for her anyway? Does she show genuine interest?
My daughter is also 8 years old. I am thankful that she is above average in academics and excels particularly in math, but I know she could do better at times. She recently won 2nd place in the city math team competition, but when I saw the scoreboard and asked why they ranked #1 in the difficult category while only #3 in the easy category. My daughter just said that it's because her teammate was holding the pen at that time and wrote the answer right away. She did not bother correcting the answer even though she thought her teammate's answer was wrong. I got a bit frustrated with that as they could have been first, but we rewarded her for getting 2nd place by taking her to the water park anyway. Also, she gives little importance that she can solve math problems that her cousin who is 3 years older cannot, but was so ecstatic and telling all her other cousins that she is now at a higher level than this cousin at an iPad game. That shows you where the joy and priority of an 8 year old is.
I really do think that you are giving too much pressure to your daughter. My daughter also had piano lessons before and although she was doing well, she asked to stop for lack of interest. We decided to honor her decision. She also had swimming lessons before, and while she really likes swimming, she asked to not go further to advanced strokes like butterfly stroke because her arms hurt. We think it's not time for her to do competitive swimming and she also is not interested in that, so she never really had any experience in swimming laps but rather use her swimming skills to enjoy the water park.
I actually think you are the one who needs to mellow down and not to expect your daughter to be a go-getter. Very few are go-getters at 8. If you really think she can excel at something, you can focus your attention in one area first and motivate her properly if she spends and succeeds in that particular area. It also helps that you see the glass as half-full rather than see it as half-empty all the time.
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