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Old 04-09-2014, 11:16 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,224,411 times
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For me it was a no brainer, I earnt $xxx an hour but only had to pay her $xx an hour.

It made economic sense...let alone the benefit of a happy, non stressed mum free to party on weekends.
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Old 04-10-2014, 05:07 AM
 
7,489 posts, read 4,923,725 times
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You're doing great! Take time each evening to relax for an hour ... your time. Clean on Saturday mornings, but tidy up at the end of the day. It doesn't need to take more than 15 minutes.
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Old 04-10-2014, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,164 posts, read 27,162,102 times
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I know how hard this is. We had twins (they're almost 6 now) and for a while, we were both F/T working parents. We had a nanny during the day, but when I got home, I hit the ground running every day. I actually lost weight when they were babies (I'm a man) because I would just be too tired to eat in the evenings. We also are big on keeping a clean, organized house and eating healthy, home-cooked meals. Sometimes I think back and don't know how I got through the first 3 years!

We have an open kitchen/great room/dining area, so it was possible to set the boys up in their high chairs and let them eat while one of us was cleaning or cooking something. I often would use my lunch breaks to run errands (get stuff at Target) or go to the gym.

Today, we both work F/T and our boys are in school F/T. I don't get home from work until after 5, but my partner works very early and is off by 3 p.m., so our boys don't have to be in any after school care. He makes dinner, then I clean it up. It's much easier now, but having the "open floor plan" allows me to interact with the boys while cleaning and preparing things for the next day. Then I make sure I spend an hour (at least) with the boys one-on-one (or one-on-two), but they are allowed to just be kids, play together, play ourside with friends, ride their bikes, etc. I've noticed that people with only one kid tend to be the "hover parents", but really, you don't have to spend every moment with them. Kids need to learn to occupy themselves. My mom never worked outside the home, and I don't recall her ever spending personal time with me, or being right next to me all the time (I wasn't an only child).
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Old 04-10-2014, 09:21 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
I've just got to pipe in a little on this idea of teaching the child to be helpful, etc., while actually trying to get those same things accomplished. I can only imagine the people saying these things, expecting this woman to do this after the long day she's already had, has never been in her shoes.

Daycare is great. Let her learn some chores at daycare, where people are paid to teach kids stuff, and spend time doing these things with your child on the weekend. But, I remember having a day like yours.

Get up, try to get into the bathroom first, so you can take your shower, start the coffee, make breakfast. Hoping to wake up and get out of bed before hubby gets any ideas that may throw off the schedule...

Then the others wake up and start asking where their socks are, etc. Then the kid you know and love, spills milk down the front of her outfit, so you look at the clock and realize you are losing time. So, you hurry to change the kid into new clothes, check to make sure you've packed everything you need to pack to get her to day care, food for your own lunch, grab the grocery list. Then go get into traffic. Then go check into daycare. All of this involving strapping the child into and out of a child safety seat.

Then, work a full day, then the traffic and commute again. Do a quick drive-by at the grocery store, looking at your watch to be sure and pick up your child before you get dinged with a late-pickup fee.

You've got a migraine already, and your child is so excited to see you they are showing you stuff they made, etc., all while you are trying to look excited, thinking about what to make for dinner, get them strapped in. Maybe you had to work until you didn't have time to do the grocery drive by. So, now you have to do it with your child in tow, who is hungry, and wants all the nice things in the store, and wants to know why she can't have them, or is asking tons of questions, or still chatting about something that happened during her day.

You finally get home, try to get something ready for the child to eat, need to sit down and have some quality time, still have laundry to throw in, as there is no clean underwear left in the house, dinner to be made for the hubby. Maybe you actually find a minute to go change out of your heels and work clothes.

So, now this woman is going to take time to show her daughter how to clean the kitchen or cook something? Knowing that the clock is saying it's time to put the chicken in the oven, husband comes in the door and wants to chat a minute, but you're in the middle of teaching your child how to load the dishwasher. Then your lovely child spills an enormous amount of dishwashing soap into the dishwasher. You try not to lose your temper. Husband is in one ear, you're soothing the child who is crying over the spilt soap.

And you still need to give her a bath and read her a story and put her to sleep. Then, have dinner and quality time with your husband.....who is looking at you with those googly eyes again, and all you want to do is sleeeeep.
I don't mean to offend. But this description does not a model of working Mom make. "Trying to find" something for your toddler for dinner then making a separate dinner for you and your husband at 8:00 at night is nuts. A little organization goes a long way. And presumably, with two working parents, the Dad is sharing this load. If not, that is a derned good place to start.

Quote:
OMG you guys. Let's save the teaching the kid how to do clean and cook for the weekend. Please! The child is only two, as I recall?
I don't think the point was to teach the kid, though that is going to happen. I think the point is to take 3.5 hours a day that is completely focused on playing and get some stuff done. That is 17.5 hours a week, which will go a long way to freeing up some weekend time for R&R and family time. All the while still engaging the kid in fun ways.


Quote:
Stay at home moms can do this. Working moms can't. And do everything else, too.
I did it.
Quote:
At least that was my experience. And my daughter had a very happy childhood. Work days were one way, weekends were another. I made quality time for her 7 days a week. But, trying to teach a child to do things is something in addition to actually getting things done. They don't occupy the same space for a working woman. Telling her she has to teach her child how to keep house at 2 years old every day, in addition to actually keeping house is adding to her day.

Oh, I'm so glad those days are over!
I would be too! Sounds horrid.
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Old 04-10-2014, 10:00 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,495 posts, read 26,801,420 times
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I had a pan cupboard for my kids when they were small. It had a couple metal pans, measuring spoons, a few plastic dishes and some plastic utensils. They played with the things in the cupboard while I made dinner. When I unloaded the dishwasher, I put the knives away, then put the silverware tray on the dishwasher next to the basket of silverware and let the kids sort the silverware into it.

One thing you can do to cut down on weekend chores is shop once every two weeks, then make a very quick trip on the alternate week for veggies and bread and anything you're out of. I cook a bunch of boneless chicken breast in the crock pot, shred it, bag it and freeze it for quick dinners...mix it with bbq sauce and have it on buns, make chicken salad sandwiches, put it in mac and cheese or a casserole. Your daughter can probably eat the same dinner you and your husband have, and then you don't have to cook dinner twice...just put his in the fridge until he gets home.

Start a load of laundry when you get home from work. It only takes a minute or two to put the clothes in the dryer. You can hang them up after your daughter goes to bed. If you do a load every day, one day can be towels and another can be sheets, so you have no laundry to do on the weekend. Take five minutes in the morning to wipe the surfaces in the bathroom with a Clorox wipe, then only bother with a more intensive cleaning on the weekend. Sweep the kitchen floor every night, but only mop on the weekend.
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Old 04-10-2014, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Vermont
5,439 posts, read 16,831,630 times
Reputation: 2651
I think you are doing just fine. Just try to make easier/quicker meals and clean less. We delayed baby proofing a lot of things (closets, fridge, cabinets, etc.) and in the end it was all well worth it. It is hard for most of us even with 1 kid, and 2 parents at home!!!
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Old 04-10-2014, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
16,289 posts, read 32,270,302 times
Reputation: 21891
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
The OP asked how to better manage the time she has, and she has received some good suggestions. I think it is amusing how many posters in this forum don't think other people think through decisions like quitting a job. It IS possible that the OP and her husband did think about all the things you mentioned and still came to the conclusion that she should keep working. It happens.

Based on her posts, IMO, the OP's cleanliness standards may be too high, and her philosophy that she needs to spend every second catering to her child in the evenings is flawed. I don't think it benefits the OP or the child.
I think it is amusing that so many posters in this forum think that they have thought of quiting a job to raise a family. I would bet that the majority are not willing to give up the lifestyle that they think they want for the one that would be better for the child.
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Old 04-10-2014, 12:57 PM
 
7,492 posts, read 11,802,433 times
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I still think your husband can still help out a little bit, that's the excuse of every man in history not to help around the house. Also, if you cut your park time, I'm sure your child will be fine to play in the yard or with her toys on week-nights. I always did.
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Old 04-10-2014, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Round Rock, Texas
13,441 posts, read 15,411,159 times
Reputation: 18969
OP, I think you're suffering a bit from "working mom guilt". You are gone for 8 hours, so you try to make up for it in 3. While it is true that your limited time should be quality time with your child, it IS okay to work in other things during that time block before bed. You don't have to go to the park every day. Your daughter really appreciates your presence more than anything else. As for cleaning and preparing for the next day, prioritize. Your house doesn't need to be **** and span. I do my cleaning on Sundays and during the week "cleaning" mainly consists of putting dishes in the dishwasher or washing them, tidying up here and there. If you do clean, then feel free to give your daughter something to play with and situate her nearby while you clean, or, as suggested, allow her to "help". I also agree with the suggestion to cook on the weekends and heat up during the week. That's the only way we can survive! We make 2-3 meals ahead of time and then feed off those meals for the duration of the week, with one eat out day per week. Cooking every day will get old fast!

Keep next day prep to an easy-breezy thing and try and start that before bedtime so that you can have a few decent hours to yourself to recharge. You need recharge time! You will probably only get a few hours of "me time" but those hours really help. As the child gets older, she will become more independent, but will always appreciate time spent together. My soon to be 8 year old isn't quite as needy as when she was younger but still lights up when she plays a board game with Mommy, or a video game with Daddy.
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Old 04-10-2014, 02:32 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,099,791 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE View Post
I think it is amusing that so many posters in this forum think that they have thought of quiting a job to raise a family. I would bet that the majority are not willing to give up the lifestyle that they think they want for the one that would be better for the child.

You have zero basis for assuming that other people don't think through their decisions. I think it stems from people believing that the choice they made is the right choice for everyone, instead of acknowledging that every family is different and there are many variables, most of them unknown to people outside the family.

For example, you don't know anything about the OP's financial situation or lifestyle. You don't have any clue if her quitting her job would result in losing their home to foreclosure, or would result in having to move from a good school district to a bad one, or if not having her income would severely impact their ability to buy necessities like food, or if the family is on her health plan, not her husband's, etc. You don't know squat about this family, yet you think you can definitively say that her quitting her job would be "better for the child." Wow.
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