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Old 12-11-2007, 03:09 PM
 
Location: New Port Richey
118 posts, read 577,847 times
Reputation: 161

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I had my first child when I was 22 and truthfully every parent event or playgroup or church function I've ever been to where my child can be involved with kids her age I am ALWAYS younger than the rest of the parents. Even now I'm 28 my child is 6. I have always felt like these somewhat older parents who had more time to get the nicer house, nicer veichle, nicer whatever, are withdrawn from me. I mean I go up and try to get involved but they always seem distant. I almost feel judged. maybe because they think I'm young I wouldn't know or "not mature" maybe because I don't have that nicer whatever.

I was just wondering if this is common? And even though I'm almost 30, I guess in my daughters age group I will always be the "young parent"


On the flip side of the coin I also have a 2yr old son, and a 5month old son and the parents in of their peers are still a tiny bit older than me, but I fit in better for some reason.
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Old 12-11-2007, 03:42 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 7,835,342 times
Reputation: 2214
I had my son at 22 also and I felt the same way. But many of those older parents have become my friends now and I don't think they ever judged me the way I thought they were. Throw yourself out there by initiating play dates and visits........ when you get the moms one on one you may find that you feel different.

And do NOT feel inferior- remember, all of those older folks were once where you are with regard to material possessions.

Last edited by pirate girl; 12-11-2007 at 03:43 PM.. Reason: add
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:58 PM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 13,147,286 times
Reputation: 4865
I had my daughter at 19. Don't feel bad - as long as you are able to take care of your children, you shouldn't be looked down on.

At 19, I had my own place, I had my own car... And I saw nothing wrong with having a child young.

Just remember, when your kid goes off to college, you're going to be younger than the other parents - and more capable of dealing with the high pressures of helping your child.
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Old 12-11-2007, 07:10 PM
 
395 posts, read 1,792,563 times
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I don't know----I had my first two at 25 then 27, and felt too old/too young often enough, it seemed like people judged both ways. Then I had my third at 40. Now I feel like the younger moms want nothing to do with me/ignore me/ridicule me. After my experiences I've decided if you really have it in your head that you are "different", you will always be noticing looks/feeling ignored/judged/whatever. But some of it might be in your head. I'm not saying that's the case with you at all, it's just something I've learned myself over the years. I really wouldn't stress over it, just try to ignore ages altogether. As long as you are happy, and I'm sure you are, that's all that really matters.
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Old 12-11-2007, 07:41 PM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 1,785,029 times
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I feel for you. I am 41 years old with a 5 year old and most moms are very much younger than me. I always feel a bit odd, but my encounters have ended happily as along as I put myself out there for my son's sake. He's extremely extraverted and will talk with anyone. Went to the post office and he told everyone and I mean everyone within earshot he got a package and so did Mommy. I try to explain this doesn't mean the world to everyone else, but what can you do. God put him in my arms 5 years ago for a reason and I believe it was partially to make myself more availabe to people because I couldn't pretend they didn't exist. I had to take chances and risk being rejected, which is a big fear with most. He has no fear of rejection and wouldn't know if another mom was 19 years old or 40 something. He could care less. He mostly opens the lines of communication and I just follow. Our children are the best teachers and I KNOW I have much to learn. Good luck, peace, and be happy within yourself!
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Old 12-12-2007, 06:52 AM
 
268 posts, read 1,005,781 times
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I had my first at 19, second at 21.

I am almost 40 now.. So my kids are in their upper teens.

Most of their friends parents are older then me, but it really didn't matter to me. I never felt awkward.

I am hoping to be able (in the future.. not yet.. they are still too young) to enjoy grandchildren as well as great grandchildren.
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Old 12-12-2007, 07:59 AM
 
Location: friendswood texas
2,489 posts, read 6,450,688 times
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I can totally relate to you. I had my first at 21, second at 23 and now my third at 33. When my older boys were little we put them in a very good preschool (very expensive) we thought finally we will meet other parents with kids good for them good us. Nope all of the parents were in their 40's nothing in common with us or where we were at in our lives. Ok fast forward to the third son, Now at age 33 I thought ok I will join a playgroup so my son can have some interaction with other kids and me with some adults. Nope again, most of the mothers in the playgroup are all new mothers who I again have nothing in common with. They can't relate to someone who has older kids and can't understand why on earth I would want to bring my older kids along with me to a playdate(have no babysitter).

Don't feel bad it isn't just you. I think most mothers have experienced this feeling in some form or another. Eventually we will all find our niche.
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Old 12-12-2007, 08:33 AM
 
4,610 posts, read 10,033,563 times
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Default Opposite end of the spectrum...

This is interesting because I've wondered how I would be perceived being an older parent. I'm 42 and I want to have a child. I think we all want to be excepted.

For you, you are younger. For me, I'm older. For the in between, they may feel that all the parents are either older or younger then them. All of us may feel a bit awkward at times.
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:05 AM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 1,785,029 times
Reputation: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roma View Post
This is interesting because I've wondered how I would be perceived being an older parent. I'm 42 and I want to have a child. I think we all want to be excepted.

For you, you are younger. For me, I'm older. For the in between, they may feel that all the parents are either older or younger then them. All of us may feel a bit awkward at times.
Very wise and very well said!
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Scranton
2,937 posts, read 2,911,493 times
Reputation: 570
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelaRed View Post
I had my first child when I was 22 and truthfully every parent event or playgroup or church function I've ever been to where my child can be involved with kids her age I am ALWAYS younger than the rest of the parents. Even now I'm 28 my child is 6. I have always felt like these somewhat older parents who had more time to get the nicer house, nicer veichle, nicer whatever, are withdrawn from me. I mean I go up and try to get involved but they always seem distant. I almost feel judged. maybe because they think I'm young I wouldn't know or "not mature" maybe because I don't have that nicer whatever.

I was just wondering if this is common? And even though I'm almost 30, I guess in my daughters age group I will always be the "young parent"


On the flip side of the coin I also have a 2yr old son, and a 5month old son and the parents in of their peers are still a tiny bit older than me, but I fit in better for some reason.
If those people judge someone by how expensive their house or car is, then those people are not worth worrying about, in my opinion. Who cares what such shallow people think? And honestly, 22 does not seem that young to have a child. That's about the age my parents were when I was born.
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