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I am not following you. You want a casual conversation and you want it to stay on topic? She is a teenager right? Let the conversation flow with her and let her talk. She does want to talk and have you listen to her. We have 3 teenagers in the house. All boys. They like to talk to. My thought is to let them talk and take an active part in the conversation. Who cares where it goes. If you want to switch gears and have a conversation that is "on track" then let her know you want to discuss a specific topic for now.
When I say "casual", I mean "not antagonistic". "Off-topic" is a poor word choice but it's the best I could come up with to type here. Our conversations have no specific topic (very random most days), but when they start spiraling downhill because she's intentionally wants me to debate her, which always leads with her sulking and getting hyper-defensive (she loves arguing topics, but hates when another view is introduced that could be right)....that's what I consider off-topic, especially when the debate points aren't anything remotely related to anything we're talking about, they're seemingly created to stir up drama and they effectively shut our conversations down.
Teenage boys aren't the same, sorry. There's just no comparison there.
When I say "casual", I mean "not antagonistic". "Off-topic" is a poor word choice but it's the best I could come up with to type here. Our conversations have no specific topic (very random most days), but when they start spiraling downhill because she's intentionally wants me to debate her, which always leads with her sulking and getting hyper-defensive (she loves arguing topics, but hates when another view is introduced that could be right)....that's what I consider off-topic, especially when the debate points aren't anything remotely related to anything we're talking about, they're seemingly created to stir up drama and they effectively shut our conversations down.
Teenage boys aren't the same, sorry. There's just no comparison there.
We went through this. My teen would come home with some debate topic in mind (something that she had come across in the course of her day) and would want to expound on her point of view but wasn't really interested in my thoughts. She just wanted some feedback and validation about HER point of view that she didn't necessarily get from the earlier conversation.
I tried to make positive comments such as: You have really put a lot of thought into this. or I like that you are so passionate about this. or You have some pretty creative solutions to this problem.
I also think they do want to feel in control of the conversation. If things veer from something I want or need to talk to her about, I just bring it up again later. Mostly these days we just talk about her scheduling needs because she is ridiculously overscheduled. The other day I asked her to drop a babysitting job (Two weeks in advance) so we could have ONE DAY to go to the beach as a family) She bit my head off!
Don't take it personally. I think almost all teenage girls go though this. I simply don't react to most of it (if it won't lead to life long consequences - or is completely disrespectful - it's not worth the argument).
However, I will caution against keeping all conversations 'causal' and happy. That just isn't how it is. Teenagers are working out lots of things for themselves....they are moody. Let her use you to hone those ideas and weed out the ones that really won't work. Let her have that safe place to be herself in your home.
One of the funniest examples I have is one Thursday I picked up my daughter after school and she was nothing but a major grump. Just horrid. She was arguing with me that Thursday as a day of the week was completely unneeded. I kept challenging her logic (not hard with this one but it was everything I could do to not laugh at her earnest, if impractical - logic!) and finally she admitted that Thursday would always happen even if it was called something else. Found at that for the last 3 Thursdays in a row, she had had something pretty bad happen...and she was frustrated and tired of it and a bit stressed at it building up. I would have never known that from her attitude when I picked her up.
I definitely don't try to keep all conversations casual and happy. And when I pick her up and she's in a grumpy mood, I'm okay with it....I know school is hard. I don't expect her to be all smiles every day.
What happened with yours on Thursday, that's exactly my daughter's logic. But she would tell me at the beginning of the conversation why she didn't want Thursday to exist. For the most part, she tells me her issues and I listen, I don't judge, I'm sympathetic. If she doesn't want to talk, I don't push. I revisit it later.
Drop your end of the rope, Mom. If your girl starts to get grumpy, either ask her what is really bothering her (in a non-snarky way) or say that she is welcome to discuss anything with you at any time but that you'd appreciate it if she didn't get mad at you for expressing an opinion. But don't jump to the conclusion that she is being purposefully difficult.
You know, the way you'd approach a friend or a co-worker or any other relative.
Sometimes, too, people just want a sounding board, not a 'debate'. Ask her open-ended questions -- what did you do? How did you feel? What do you think you could have done differently? -- to spark more conversation. Unless she asks what you think, don't volunteer too much. Above all, never say 'when I was your age...' (G)
No, teenagers do not 'suck'.....and especially not girls. Teens are challenging, you can't parent them like you would a younger child...but they certainly do not suck and can be quite delightful and fun to be around.
Most are great young adults just trying to figure out their place.....parents should be embracing that.
I'm going to start by saying my daughter is a good, albeit very lazy, kid. She doesn't do drugs, does well in school (because she wants to, not because I tell her she has to get good grades), keeps her room clean and for the most part picks up after herself. She helps with chores when asked but "she forgets" unless reminded. The "forgetting" and laziness is a whole different topic though.
But...omfg she is SO IRRITATING. I can't have a casual conversation without her turning it into some kind of completely unrelated discussion, which I engage until it becomes a challenge (like she's trying to prove something).
Congratulations. You have a healthy daughter.
Many moms don't have that. The ones that don't would love to have a daughter who does well in school, doesn't do drugs, and has the intelligence to debate.
No, teenagers do not 'suck'.....and especially not girls. Teens are challenging, you can't parent them like you would a younger child...but they certainly do not suck and can be quite delightful and fun to be around.
Most are great young adults just trying to figure out their place.....parents should be embracing that.
Lighten up. The poster was being humorous.
And yes, at times teens do suck!!! Mine exhausts me at times and gives me grey hairs!!
In response to the OP...I can relate. I told my daughter that she should be a lawyer since many things turn into a huge debate. Obviously my comment rubbed off because at her 8th grade graduation ceremony, her career goal was to be a lawyer, lol.
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