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My 11 year old daughter drives me crazy... My other kids are pretty well adjusted. (Although, my 13 and 15 year old boys are of course testing boundaries)
Here's a list of some of the issues we are having..
Is mean to others , and nitpicks about very minor things.. Also refers to the offending things they do as "always", or alternately, "never".
Sample: Chloe ALWAYS calls me names! (or) He NEVER lets me play with that!
While she nitpicks on others, she routinely does worse things to them in retribution. Example- if her little sister, say, colors on a page of her "favorite" coloring book, she will maybe rip up a book of her sister's, or break her markers.
Even though her revenge is way worse (purposefully) than whatever someone else did to her, she still thinks of *everyone* else being very unfair and mean to her, and that everyone else is the bad guy.
She tries to argue when I attempt to have conversations with her about these behaviors.
If I'm not around to oversee, she will sit and do nothing while the other kids do her chores, even though they confront her about it, she'll just argue or say something snotty back. But if my son is late to do his dishes, she'll rip him apart over it and tell on him.
She is very uncomfortable looking people in the eye.
She's very soft spoken
She seems very polite and sweet to everyone outside of the family (no one believes me when I tell them about her attitude ) lol
To me, she seems like emotionally, she's maybe half her age. She's smart and pretty and artistic and a very neat kid, but her attitude towards others and towards her chores has always been off. She has always blamed others for anything wrong she does, and she won't be reasoned with. She acts like she has low self esteem, but she receives plenty of praise when praise is due.. But most of the time her behavior makes it impossible to do so.
Anyone have any ideas on what might change her perception of others? Everything is a big conspiracy from her point of view, and I think that's where the problem is coming from. Either that, or she's using that as an excuse, because I just don't see how she could see so much fault in everyone else, when her behavior is worse.
Thanks for any ideas. I hate posting this kind of thing on a forum because of the amount of criticism and assumption these posts tend to generate, but I thought id fish for ideas. Thanks.
Sounds like she's an intense and perfectionistic kid. It's temperament. Sorry I don't think you can change it! Some people are always going to be intense.
I have a couple of "it's never my fault" kids, and I agree, it's annoying!
I said she's very soft spoken. But she's not soft spoken at all when she's being confrontational or angry. That's the only time she speaks at an audible volume.
Well, I'm going to go with the easy option: This is her way of getting attention, being kind of in the middle of a pack.
Is there a generally antagonistic environment with most of the kids, or does this attitude from her stick out as REALLY different from the other kids? How do the siblings react when she does this?
It REALLY stands out. Her sister (9) is starting to emulate it though. (Sigh) honestly, Dh works from home and I stay at home, I'm not sure how to give her anymore attention... I mean, the kids usually all play together so it's not like I'm always under a pile of kids... Id have plenty of time for her if she needed. I can see why that would be a thought with so many kids here, but I think we are together more that most families.... Could that be the issue? Too much togetherness?? Haha
The siblings don't even bother arguing with her anymore because she gets so bent out of shape. Usually one of the older boys will let me know what she's doing.
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