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Here's my problem in a nutshell. My ex-husband decided 11 yrs ago that I was no longer needed in the relationship or raising of our daughter who was 8 yrs old at the time. So he changed the primary residence to himself and his parents (without my consent) and I have not seen her until this year when she turned 18. Now that she's turned 18 - is she a legal adult? He still refuses her to see me and now he wants me to pay for 11 yrs of back child support and 1/2 her college education. What can I do? She is afraid of him but wants to move in with me but he won't "let" her. I even told him this weekend that I would pay for all her education and other needs if she moved in with me. He absolutely had a cow and said no way! What more can I do?
She is 18 and he can not longer tell her what to do, where to live, who to see or anything. He CAN retaliate by threatening to sue for back child support but you NEED to check into your laws in that state NOW.... before you let him worry any longer about this. In the state I live in, once 18, the CHILD has to sue for it, not the parent. It may very well already be out of his hands...
So, he refuses to pay for her collage, she can get grants and help with that. Check those things out for yourself... Do not assume he knows what he is talking about, I bet you he don't!
I agree with Laura707. Also in most states, and even if there is currently an outstanding judgement for back child support it is up to the child (now adult) to go after the support. He is thinking that the support was for him ...LOL... it's for the child, who now is an adult and it's up to her if she wants to go to court to get that from you. The money would go to her.
Now at 18 and in every state a person at that age is an adult and the parent or parents no longer can tell the child what to do (except to kick them out of their house). So she just needs to pack her things and move in with you if that is what you both want. End of Subject.
Unfortunately he sounds very controlling and it would be my guess that if she does this he may harrass the both of you, and that may require a restraining order. But you would have to wait to see what he would do, if anything.
I wish both you and your daughter the best. Men who are this controlling can be dangerous (just from my experience).
Didn't you guys go to court when you split up? How was he able to just change her address and keep her from you? Did the Court award him primary physical custody of her with visitation rights to you? I think if we had more information we could give you better advice.
As soon as your daughter turned 18 she was an adult. He cannot "forbid" her to do anything.
Please give us more info because I know people want to help.
She is an adult and free to do what she wishes by law. That does not mean that psychologically she feels as if she can. Even in NORMAL, HEALTHY parent-child relationships, it can be hard to a child to go against the parent who raised her's wishes. Your ex sounds like an abusive jerk who probably has her so scared that she feels as if she cannot do it. Just do all that you can to support her. If she feels physically threatened, she could go to the police to have them protect her as she moves out. However, he could take away things from her as they are technically in his house. I don't know how ownership works in cases like that with children. Also, if she has a car and it's in his name, that could be a problem too.
If it's any consolation, I'm so happy that he has not poisoned your daughter against you. So many situations like this end up with the child hating the other parent because the guardian parent has lied and spewed hatred their entire lives.
Here's more to the story: I have no idea how he was able to get the primary address changed to him and his parents 11 years ago we did not go to court the papers simply showed up and I was told there was nothing I could do about it. It did not address visitation or child support. To my understanding it doesn't sound legal and he used some of the scummies attorneys in Orlando.
I told him after this happened that I would buy her clothes, school supplies (this was 11 yrs ago) and anything else she needed but I was not paying him because I knew the money would never go to her needs. He told me that was what his mother was there for and he wanted me to pay him the "child" support to keep him and his new wife out of debt while they quit their jobs and went to real estate school! How is that for being a jerk!!
He was a very abusive person and still is - he used to beat but because he had money or at least his parents did no one would do anything about it. He never hit my daughter though which is good!
Thanks for all your support! I am in the process of finding an attorney to go over my papers from the last 11 years to make sure I don't get screwed by him with child support.
I didn't have the money my parents disowned me because getting a divorce was a sin against the church and therefore I had no one - I was also only in my early 20's when we got divorced so I was really naive but had no help I was unemployed and broke and had NOTHING! It is easy for people to say you should've done this or that but until you've walked in my shoes you don't know what I've gone thru!
Get a lawyer and get a counselor now. Your daughter is seeking you out - fight for her now!!! You can't change the past but you can build a new future!!
I didn't have the money my parents disowned me because getting a divorce was a sin against the church and therefore I had no one - I was also only in my early 20's when we got divorced so I was really naive but had no help I was unemployed and broke and had NOTHING! It is easy for people to say you should've done this or that but until you've walked in my shoes you don't know what I've gone thru!
How old were you when you had her? You must have been pretty young.
I'm sorry. I know what it's like. My 1st divorce I got really screwed, he hardly paid support. Thankfully I had my parents, don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for my dad.
Has she started college yet or is she a senior? If she's graduated from high school and has not started college, he may not have a leg to stand on period. In some states the kid has to go straight to college after graduating for it to be something you legally have to pay.
The advice to get the paperwork to an attorney is good. Keep us posted. I also think that if she can get herself out of the house with clothes on her back, she'll be fine. Let him have her stuff to stick where the sun doesn't shine.
I'm totally against parents like this. When there is a divorce, kids need both of their parents and it is wrong to deny them a relationship.
Good luck
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