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She can apply for Medicaid, WIC and food stamps. She should qualify for all three. Medicaid will cover her baby once the baby is born. Housing resources vary from one community to the next. You may need to call around to find out what is available. There may not be much other then shelters. Housing is one of the hardest things to find and often people will have to be in a shelter before they can get the limited resources that are available.
I would try to talk her into finding another job right away, before she starts to show so that she will have something lined up in case she loses the security job. She can look for the job on her days off and before or after work. If she and her boyfriend are each making $8/hour and working full time then they should be able to afford a small apartment.
Good advice. Thanks.
She doesn't need Medicaid because she can stay on my insurance. It's the baby they'll need insurance for. I think I'll make some calls this week. Lord knows she won't. She will have to be the one to go down and apply though.
No and I wouldn't ask her to. I cannot imagine living with the guilt of having had your child ripped limb from limb just because you didn't want it. I'll give her credit for not killing it but keeping it is not the right thing to do. Somewhere out there is a couple who would love to have this baby who can offer it a good life.
you can unsderstand her not wanting to "kill" the baby, have it "ripped from limb to limb" but can't understand a mother not wanting to give her baby away to strangers and not know what has become of it for the rest of her life? maybe think about it for awhile and it will come to you.
your husband can take some of the blame for this situation as can you for not standing up to him when you knew his choices were not what was best.
if it was me and my daughter I would do everything I could to help my child out. there is no way my pregnant daughter whould have to even consider or worry about being homeless in this situation.
You are morally opposed to abortion, yet feel no compunction to make certain that baby is born healthy? You do have room for your daughter, the same room she previously occupied. She should not be living in a car, eating who knows what.
I know your daughter has been a screwup. If she has been reaching out to you (and otherwise how do you know about the pregnancy), it's time to open the door, give her a safe place to sleep and let her handle the rest of it.
Why do you think I'm trying to find out what is available to her?
Sleeping in a car isn't going to kill her or hurt the baby and it just might motivate her to do something about her situation. Bailing her out is the wrong thing to do. That much I'm certain of. She's playing adult games and making adult decisions and it's time for her to grow up. She's going to be a mother in 7 months. If there ever was a time for tough love it's now. The right thing to do is give this baby to a couple who want it, will love it and can offer it a good life. I will not help her screw up this child's life and that is what she's doing by keeping it. She's just not in a good place to have children. For the baby's sake, she needs to consider adoption. I am aware that this is not an easy choice but none of her choices are easy now that she's pregnant. The easy choice would have been to use birth control but that ship has sailed. Now there are only hard choices left.
And no we do not have room for her, her boyfriend and a baby. We just don't. Her 9 x 11 bedroom won't suffice for a small family. They need to get their own apartment. I'm thinking with WIC, food stamps and welfare they should be able to. He make enough to pay for an apartment but that's about it. If food is covered, they could make it. It won't be a pleasant life or a good life for the baby but they'll make it. They really need to give that baby a good life. It's unfortunate they will not consider that.
And no we do not have room for her, her boyfriend and a baby. We just don't. Her 9 x 11 bedroom won't suffice for a small family. They need to get their own apartment.
It has to be better than a car or shelter for her and eventually the baby.
She doesn't need Medicaid because she can stay on my insurance. It's the baby they'll need insurance for. I think I'll make some calls this week. Lord knows she won't. She will have to be the one to go down and apply though.
She will be able to just sign the baby up for Medicaid then. It might be good to call a prenatal clinic that accepts Medicaid as they will be able to guide you through the process of signing up the baby and let you know when it needs to be done. I'm not sure if you have to wait until after the baby is born to do it or if you can do it sooner.
I don't know your individual circumstances but letting her stay with you until she can get an apartment seems like the right thing to do. As of now, she is not only pregnant, she's homeless.
you can unsderstand her not wanting to "kill" the baby, have it "ripped from limb to limb" but can't understand a mother not wanting to give her baby away to strangers and not know what has become of it for the rest of her life? maybe think about it for awhile and it will come to you.
your husband can take some of the blame for this situation as can you for not standing up to him when you knew his choices were not what was best.
if it was me and my daughter I would do everything I could to help my child out. there is no way my pregnant daughter whould have to even consider or worry about being homeless in this situation.
Oh this is funny. If you read my last thread here, I was encouraged to throw her out. We did and this is the result. Now I'm being told I need to bring her back home and make the mess she made easier for her to deal with?
And yes, I can understand not wanting to kill your child but I cannot understand not wanting to give your child a good life. Being alive is better than being dead. Having a good life is better than a crappy life. It's not hard to understand at all. A good life is the best thing she can give her child but that means giving it away to someone who can give it a good life because she can't. She has no education (maternal education is the number one predictor of outcomes), she's a teenager (having a teen mom is a big negative) and she doesn't have a pot to **** in. The adult thing to do here is the best thing for the baby and that is adoption. Killing the baby is not the best thing for the baby. It's really not hard to figure out if you think about it. Her wondering what happened to the baby is the lesser of the evils. At least she will know that she gave her child the only thing she could. Life. And she'll know she did the best she could for her child. I think that's much better to live with than the memory of the day you had your baby ripped limb from limb and thrown out like trash. If you think about it, I think it will come to you.
It takes character to do the right thing. I'm still hoping dd has some and does the right thing. I am certainly not going to make doing the wrong thing easy for her.
Housing is hard. As stated, she can get the rest fairly easily (medicaid and what not) but housing... and if she gets it, I guarantee you it wont be in a place where she wants to live, or where you want to see this child raised.
I would let her and only her move back into her old room only for the baby's sake, but that's just me. Maybe wait a few months and see where she ends up first, but if it looks like she's not finding anything, back home she'd go. She may be a screwup but it's not about her anymore, it's about the kid.
You are morally opposed to abortion, yet feel no compunction to make certain that baby is born healthy? You do have room for your daughter, the same room she previously occupied. She should not be living in a car, eating who knows what.
I know your daughter has been a screwup. If she has been reaching out to you (and otherwise how do you know about the pregnancy), it's time to open the door, give her a safe place to sleep and let her handle the rest of it.
What would likely happen is that Mom's life would turn upside-down as well. She'd be supporting them and taking care of them, and that isn't right either.
What would likely happen is that Mom's life would turn upside-down as well. She'd be supporting them and taking care of them, and that isn't right either.
That's exactly what would happen. I cannot bail her out this time. She has to do this on her own. It's time for her to grow up. She's not a kid making kid mistakes now. She's an adult making adult mistakes. My bailing her out serves no one. Not her, not the baby, not me, not dh, not dd#2. Everyone loses if we bail her out. I'm not sure anyone wins if we don't but that path is where the possibility lies.
There are no easy decisions left. Only hard ones. It's pick your poison time.
We need to find out what kind of help is available from the state. If they're determined to keep the baby, they need to find a place to live and raise the baby. Fortunately, she's still on my medical insurance so she has been getting prenatal care.
Her "MO" is not to figure things out for herself because you do it for her. At this point your role should be to be emotionally supportive. She has chosen the most adult of tasks. She has chosen that for herself. The most you should do is give her the phone number for the contact person for welfare IF she asks for it. I'm uncomfortable with your assumption that this should be her first and automatic course of action, however. Lots of people with low-wage jobs raise their families without being all-out on welfare. There may be some programs that will work for them within the framework of their current situation.
You can go with her to prenatal appointments. You can buy her prenatal vitamins.
Ivory, is it possible for you to present a face to your daughter that indicates some faith in her ability to handle this? Yes, I have read the whole saga and yes, I know how inevitable this was. I feel that is partly because of who your daughter is, but it is in no small part because she seems to live up to your expectations for her.
Try being positive. Try being excited about this baby, your grandchild. Try behaving as though you think she chose this and can handle it.
If none of that is true, you are no worse off than you are right now. If any of it succeeds in moving things in even a slightly more positive direction, then that's an improvement.
She is an adult now. Finding her way through this is hers to do, not yours.
She is pregnant with your grandchild. Some of her behavior in the past is the result of the parenting she has received (not all, I understand). How would you like to be mothered in this situation? Would you feel capable of handling this if your own mother was constantly telling you what a loser you are? How about, "DD, this is scary for me but also exciting! I know you can handle this, and I'll help you with it if you need me to. You're an adult and you're going to be a mom, and I know you will do your best for this child."
Even if it rings hollow. Wouldn't you rather hear that than the constant drumbeat of what a loser you are? I think your daughter does live up to your expectations of her. Even if saying nice things for a change doesn't change things--saying the same old negative things guarantees more of the same, doesn't it?
No, given who she is, I don't think moving back home is a great option. She needs to do this, she CAN do this, and you can be a cheerleader and information resource when she asks for it.
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