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This all sounds pretty good! You must be relieved, and I hope you are taking the time to express pride and confidence in your daughter, not just relief .
It's true that they might not stay together, but the truth is that the odds are against anyone staying together these days. I can't see making decisions based on what might or might not happen with their relationship. I'd say be prepared for what will be needed at that point, but hope for the best. Odds are against them and every other couple trying to stay together, but people starting out this way and making it long term are not exactly rare either.
From way out here removed from the situation, I think it'd be ideal if they found their own apartment rather than his parents doing it for them. Really, it isn't all that difficult and is something they should be able to do on their own with some guidance so that they understand what's realistic. But, okay. At least it's not your basement.
Your daughter is a very passive person who wants things done for her. Of course she would attract a person who likes to control someone else. This is the usual with these types of personalities. It doesn't mean there is abuse, but obviously you see the potential for abuse, or something less extreme but just as insidious. Women like that wake up when they are forty, angry that someone else has controlled their whole life, lol. That's theirs to figure out.
But when is your daughter going to sleep, if she's working the night shift and caring for the baby during the day? That will be rough.
The fact I ignore that which is not helpful does seem to **** some people off but that's their problem. I see no point in acknowledging some of the posts made here no matter how much poster's whine that I'm not taking their advice. You'd think they'd take a hint.
As to dd being on the dole, I'm not happy with that but it's not about her, it's about the baby. All things considered there is nothing else to do. I don't like it but it is what it is. I would have much preferred that she were in a better place in her life and had been responsible enough to wait until she could afford a baby when she had her first child but she isn't. Yes, it's irresponsible. Yes it's a lot of things but that doesn't change that there is now a baby to take care of. It's damage control time. This isn't about what I like or dislike WRT people using the system. It's about a baby who needs to be taken care of regardless how dumb its parents choices were. I have never once said I like dd being on welfare. I see it as necessary if this baby is going to be taken care of. I've been clear that my preference would be to give this baby up for adoption which avoids using the system at all but I don't think I'm getting my way here.
There is a difference in approving of something and seeing it as necessary. Some people don't get that. I don't approve but I don't see another way. I'm by no means proud that my dd landed herself in a position where she needs to go on welfare but she did.
I hope you remember this the next time you are tempted to criticize welfare recipients.
This all sounds pretty good! You must be relieved, and I hope you are taking the time to express pride and confidence in your daughter, not just relief .
It's true that they might not stay together, but the truth is that the odds are against anyone staying together these days. I can't see making decisions based on what might or might not happen with their relationship. I'd say be prepared for what will be needed at that point, but hope for the best. Odds are against them and every other couple trying to stay together, but people starting out this way and making it long term are not exactly rare either.
From way out here removed from the situation, I think it'd be ideal if they found their own apartment rather than his parents doing it for them. Really, it isn't all that difficult and is something they should be able to do on their own with some guidance so that they understand what's realistic. But, okay. At least it's not your basement.
Your daughter is a very passive person who wants things done for her. Of course she would attract a person who likes to control someone else. This is the usual with these types of personalities. It doesn't mean there is abuse, but obviously you see the potential for abuse, or something less extreme but just as insidious. Women like that wake up when they are forty, angry that someone else has controlled their whole life, lol. That's theirs to figure out.
But when is your daughter going to sleep, if she's working the night shift and caring for the baby during the day? That will be rough.
Yes it is going to be rough. I'm not sure what can be done about that. With him working two jobs, he won't be able to help her with the baby. I wish things were different with her. Staying here would mean she'd have her father around to help out (he's retired) but I really think that's a bad choice.
You're right on passive women. It should not be surprising that she's picked up someone who makes the decisions for her. When we took them out for her birthday, I was surprised to see him order for her. I hope she doesn't wake up one day and think that she let someone else control her life but she probably will.
Yes, I will remember that stupid decisions lead to the need for welfare.
and that it can happen to anyone and boy is it a good thing it exisits because people like DD1 would be up **** creek without it and without family to help.
I had an aquaintance in HS who got married at 18 and pregnant at 19. Her husband worked 2 jobs and she took care of the baby. It was hard, but they did it. They weren't homeless and they are still together. It can work.
Yes it is going to be rough. I'm not sure what can be done about that. With him working two jobs, he won't be able to help her with the baby. I wish things were different with her. Staying here would mean she'd have her father around to help out (he's retired) but I really think that's a bad choice.
How does your husband feel about this Ivory? Is he also hell bent on not letting her in to help out?
If yes is your answer, then I guess the best you can do is just wait and hope she makes the right choices like choosing a small cheap apartment closer to you so that at least you can give her some nap time once in a while.
Yes, I will remember that stupid decisions lead to the need for welfare.
There are a lot of different factors that can lead a person to the point where they can't fully support themselves and to where they find themselves in a position where they need help. You're right that one of those factors could be due to "stupid decisions" but that's not always the case. When people fall on hard times they generally look to their family and/or close friends for help first. When they don't have family or friends who are either willing or able to help them then they look towards the government and charity programs for help.
:As to dd being on the dole, I'm not happy with that but it's not about her, it's about the baby. All things considered there is nothing else to do. I don't like it but it is what it is. I would have much preferred that she were in a better place in her life and had been responsible enough to wait until she could afford a baby when she had her first child but she isn't. Yes, it's irresponsible. Yes it's a lot of things but that doesn't change that there is now a baby to take care of. It's damage control time. This isn't about what I like or dislike WRT people using the system. It's about a baby who needs to be taken care of regardless how dumb its parents choices were. I have never once said I like dd being on welfare. I see it as necessary if this baby is going to be taken care of. I've been clear that my preference would be to give this baby up for adoption which avoids using the system at all but I don't think I'm getting my way here.
There is a difference in approving of something and seeing it as necessary. Some people don't get that. I don't approve but I don't see another way. I'm by no means proud that my dd landed herself in a position where she needs to go on welfare but she did.
That's pretty much the bottom line, as I see it, to ANYONE getting welfare. Do you deny welfare to the woman/man who made a bad choice and let the child suffer the consequences or do you man up, swallow hard and approve assistance? I don't like folks on welfare either, but it was never about the adults.
So happy to hear that DD is moving forward and getting things done and realizing there's going to be a baby that will take precedence. Of course, watch out. When that baby gets here, s/he will wrap your heart around their little fingers and you will never be the same again.
How does your husband feel about this Ivory? Is he also hell bent on not letting her in to help out?
If yes is your answer, then I guess the best you can do is just wait and hope she makes the right choices like choosing a small cheap apartment closer to you so that at least you can give her some nap time once in a while.
Neither of us wants to go back to here doing nothing and expecting everyone else to take care of her and that's what we're afraid will happen if she comes back home. He's in favor of them getting their own place. Honestly, we'd have to spend $4k to set up an apartment for them in the basement as they requested. We need an egress window and a fire door. We really don't have room for them. This house was crowded with two adults and two teenagers. Even if it were what we wanted, I don't see it happening. That's a lot of money to us.
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The fact I ignore that which is not helpful does seem to **** some people off but that's their problem. 
I see no point in acknowledging some of the posts made here no matter how much poster's whine that I'm not taking their advice. You'd think they'd take a hint.
