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I'm thinking the same but maybe instead of regular college courses she could pursue something like a vet tech degree which would be a quicker and more realistic path to her goal of working in a vet office with animals. I think it's an associate's degree.
I would agree. She needs a quick path to better employment but right now she's not thinking about this. I think it will be a couple of years before this is even a topic to discuss. She has some major changes coming her way.
That's pretty much what dss does. He sends a lot of money home to his wife and visits the kids 12-18 times a year. Not a life I'd recommend for anyone. The stress shows on ddil and the kids don't know their father. Though things are better with technology as he can Skype with the kids daily so he's not such a stranger now that they're older.
We'll keep looking at housing. I'm hoping one of the two properties on dbf's parent's street will pan out. It's a cheap area to live and they might be able to rent a house for $700/month. The area has lousy schools (not that the schools here are that much better) but they have time to improve their living situation before the baby starts school. Not that I wish she'd die, but my MIL is 93 and dh will inherit a nice sum of money when she passes so we could be in position to help them get into a home of their own in a better area before the baby starts school. Right now our finances are too tight to help. We bleed red to the tune of about $1000/month even with SS for dd#2. When she turns 18 that goes to $2000/month. Dh's IRA will not last long as things are. (Don't get me started on what a stupid idea full retirement was for him. Dd#1 comes by her sense of entitlement naturally. She gets it from her dad.)
It really is unfortunate that them living here isn't a solution. I could actually use the financial help of having a boarder but that is a bad idea all the way around and anyone who has followed dd's history knows that.
Is your husband unable or unwilling to take a part-time job to assist with your finances? I believe you said that you are a teacher - do you have a summer job?
Again, you are wrong. She CAN go to a university after her baby is born. I know quite a few women who've done this. But I will say none of them could have done it without the support of friends and family. If you are unwilling to help her you are killing a vital line of support for her and hampering her future - all out of spite. Not good.
The University of Kentucky has (or had, I trust it's still around) a low-cost daycare/preschool for children of single parent students. You (or ideally, your daughter) might see if something similar is available in your area.
I'm glad you're encouraging her to pick up a couple of fall classes. That help should add some structure to her life, certainly a good thing right now.
Training to be a vet tech would be great for your daughter. BTW, she needs to avoid cats, or rather, used kitty litter while she's pregnant, as you probably know but may not have thought to mention to her. Toxoplasmosis can affect the fetus very adversely.
Is your husband unable or unwilling to take a part-time job to assist with your finances? I believe you said that you are a teacher - do you have a summer job?
I really don't care to discuss this. He's retired and I don't see that changing.
No I don't have a summer job but that's not for lack of trying. It's just hard to find people to hire you to work 7 weeks during the summer. You need to remember that I compete with college students who were available in May to start summer jobs and don't return to school until after labor day. I did find some paid training. I made $450 last week and I'll make $400 next week but that's it for my summer work. I start my training for next year (I'm paying for this) the first week of August so July is really the only month I have off. I MIGHT get another paid gig in August. It depends on if there is state money left for another session and whether said session doesn't conflict with the training I'm doing with my district. That would be another $450.
If you want to know how hard it is for teachers to find summer jobs here's something to chew on. The state offered three sessions this summer where they pay $1500 for three full 40 hour weeks of training for chemistry teachers and had over 4 applicants for every seat available. I applied the first day registration was open but my name wasn't drawn in the lottery. I'm wait listed but I've been told I won't get in. There seem to be a lot of us looking for things that pay during the summer.
I don't know why people default to teachers should just work the summer. That is easier said than done given the short time we actually have to work compared to college students. By the time we're done for the summer, the summer jobs are filled (college students are out roughly 4 weeks before we are and usually are not scheduling around summer training.). If the economy were better I might be able to find something in a research lab but the ones I applied to were only hiring co-ops and summer interns and those jobs started in May.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 06-27-2014 at 08:16 AM..
My children know which grandparents really love them and care for them and which ones are about the dog and pony show. Kids aren't stupid. When grandparents are good to their grandchildren, yes they often make the parent the "enemy." When grandparents are negligent and absent, grandchildren tend to treat them like the strangers they are.
Maybe because they're 19 and 19 year olds don't live with BFs/GFs and perhaps they have a little bit of sense and know that's not a good idea....
They're not a family - they're dating and probably just have a fairly typical teenage relationship. A pregnancy won't change that.
19 year olds living together is not unusual AT ALL.
They have in fact started a family. And indeed, for many people a pregnancy does change things. Plenty of families start out exactly this way and do just fine in life. We'll see if it ends up that way. It doesn't look like what we might plan/hope for our kids and it isn't the easiest path, but it's not unusual at all. I would say, "It's not unusual in this day and age," but it wasn't unusual, really, way back when I was that age either.
I got married at 19, which was young, but not unheard of. We're still married. We were more grown-up at 19 than either of our sets of parents, unfortunately. I knew plenty of people at that time who were living together without being married as well. And "the girl who got pregnant" when we were sophomores in high school married her BF at 18 and they just celebrated their 26th or 27th anniversary (saw it on FB ). Exception to the rule? Sure. Isn't every couple that stays together for the long haul?
I understand that the "girl" in question here is a bit of a special case when it comes to life skills, but at 19 most people I knew and know are perfectly capable of fending for themselves in the world, even if they still have much growing up to do and could use lots of guidance from a caring and competent adult.
Right now she's working one job which is a major improvement over no job. He's working two jobs. The only thing she qualifies for right now is WIC. When the baby is born she'll qualify for food stamps, medical insurance for her and the baby (she has to be on the same plan as the baby) and housing assistance.
I know there are programs out there but I also know how hard it is to be working full time with a baby. It will be several years before she's in position to go back to school. I hope she does as that will immensely improve her future. I don't see it happening any time soon though.
I'm trying to get her to take a couple of classes in the fall just to have a couple more out of the way.
Of course not. And these things you "see happening" have a way of becoming reality. You think it's because you know your child, and you could be right. I think it's because she's living up to your expectations. I could be wrong.
I understand she has issues we aren't privy to - although we're privy to all sorts of other details, for some weird reason. I would advocate here that you do what you said you were going to do at the beginning of this thread and get out of this kid's way. If there's nothing that can be done to mitigate the dysfunction here then how about leaving her to it? The worse case scenario for me would be that this whole thing just drags itself into the next generation. Let her figure it out. I can't see you making this any better.
I have to agree that an outlook of, "Let's get you settled and then we can think about future plans for education, etc." would be more helpful to your daughter and more likely to encourage good choices than the current, "Well, you sure have made a mess, haven't you?" tone that you have been taking so far, at least on this thread, Ivory. I don't blame you for feeling that way, but the face you present to your daughter right now could make a big difference.
What was that quote your grandma always used to say? Too many pages back...I would tattoo that to my forehead if I were you
I really don't care to discuss this. He's retired and I don't see that changing.
No I don't have a summer job but that's not for lack of trying. It's just hard to find people to hire you to work 7 weeks during the summer. You need to remember that I compete with college students who were available in May to start summer jobs and don't return to school until after labor day. I did find some paid training. I made $450 last week and I'll make $400 next week but that's it for my summer work. I start my training for next year (I'm paying for this) the first week of August so July is really the only month I have off.
Yes, I know it's tough for teachers to take on summer jobs, especially this year, when many schools ran late due to missed days last winter. Not sure what the issue is with your husband, but I hope he is being helpful in whatever ways he can with your daughter's situation right now. It sounds as if she could use a strong, supportive and loving father-figure, and I hope he's that.
Perhaps being off work this summer will allow you to spend more time assisting your daughter in various ways. I know you're concerned about her housing situation - have the two of you actually gone house-hunting yet, perhaps in the afternoons before she leaves for work at 8:00 p.m.? There are little free tabloid publications here which list apartment complexes, and I've seen similar publications in other areas. Often the first month's rent is free for such places. In addition to large apartment complexes, in most places, there are usually older individual apartment buildings with just four to six apartments. No pool, few amenities, but well-constructed and decent, and often in safe neighborhoods. Don't overlook such places in the search.
And that reminds me - if she's working from 8:00 p.m. until 3:00 a.m., does this mean she's climbing into the back seat of the car in her boyfriend's driveway at around 3: 15 in the morning?? What time does she typically get up? I do hope she finds a safer place asap. Meanwhile, could she (or you, or her boyfriend) rent an inexpensive motel room for a week at a time? It would be much, much safer. Maybe if each of you chipped in a third, it would be doable.
If regular summer work is out for you, how about throwing a yard sale, or selling stuff online? You could even check other yard sales, thrift shops, etc., for undiscovered treasures and see what they bring (but you have to know values and be aware of the current market). Consignment shops for good, in-style used clothing would also bring in a few bucks. There are also auction houses which will take consignments. A good yard sale would bring in a few hundred dollars, most likely, while online sales' results vary widely, depending on what you have to offer (and who's interested).
Even a few extra hundred dollars would be helpful to sock away to help cover various new-baby related expenses - or pay for tuition for a couple of fall classes for your daughter..
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). Exception to the rule? Sure. Isn't every couple that stays together for the long haul?
What time does she typically get up? I do hope she finds a safer place asap. Meanwhile, could she (or you, or her boyfriend) rent an inexpensive motel room for a week at a time? It would be much, much safer. Maybe if each of you chipped in a third, it would be doable.