Partner thinks we should get a full time nanny? (wife, smart, son)
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These are the FUN things I miss so much now that my kids are tweens. And these are the times where real bonding and trust comes in. Don't you remember those intense stares from baby while you bathed and changed him? He is looking in your eyes to find reassurance of love and safety. We thrived at those times.
I guess you're right. I don't know, it just seems like my favorite moments were when he was happy and we were playing, cooing, singing, blowing tummy raspberries etc rather than when he was crying and wiggling and I was trying not get poop all over myself But I guess these things are important for bonding too.
I grew up with maids, gardener, cook, driver...but my mom still raised me herself.
I know adults who were raised by their nannies because their parents were both very busy career people. It happens. Their spouses expressed the same concerns the OP is sharing.
I also know families that have full staffs like your childhood, and the parents are very involved and hands on. It really depends on the people, and it doesn't sound like the OP's husband is a hands-on type of parent.
When I was in college, I dated someone who came from a very wealthy background. Nannies, cooks, housekeepers, everything under the sun. I was absolutely shocked at how little he knew about everyday things. The biggest shocker was when I handed him an orange and he had absolutely no idea how to peel it. Apparently, he had always had "hired help" around to peel oranges for him.
I'm not saying that would happen if you had a full time nanny, but there are trade offs.
Discuss it with your husband. Perhaps having someone part time would allow you to catch up on your sleep and have some time for yourself and you would still have plenty of Baby Loving & Baby Bonding time.
My kids had a full time nanny when they were young. They can peel oranges. They can cook meals. They can do laundry. They can clean up after themselves. Parents are responsible for making sure their children learn what the parents want them to learn even if there is a nanny and/or housekeeper around to help.
The OP should understand that she can have a nanny around to help her without having the nanny be in charge of raising her child. If I were the OP I would consider hiring a full time housekeeper who is qualified (and wants) to help her with child care. That would allow her to have some help and still be with her child.
My kids had a full time nanny when they were young. They can peel oranges. They can cook meals. They can do laundry. They can clean up after themselves. Parents are responsible for making sure their children learn what the parents want them to learn even if there is a nanny and/or housekeeper around to help.
The OP should understand that she can have a nanny around to help her without having the nanny be in charge of raising her child. If I were the OP I would consider hiring a full time housekeeper who is qualified (and wants) to help her with child care. That would allow her to have some help and still be with her child.
Agreed. I would have loved a housekeeper/nanny when kids were young. I'm a SAHM but if I had kept working, we were looking at an au-pair. Sounds like the OP has the financial means to hire someone to help and I would jump at that in a heartbeat!! At least someone to do the endless dishes!
I think that parent's could strike a happy balance with a nanny/housekeeper. I've seen some great nannies who assist the parents and have a great rapport with the kids. The parents are very involved and loving. I've seen situations where the nanny seemed to be raising the kids and the parents were hands off.
Last summer our family was at Six Flags and in a long line of people. There was an impeccably dressed woman with jewelry, perfectly coifed hair and make-up standing in line with her two kids. She was more dressed for the country club than a day outing at Six Flags. Then there was the nanny right beside them. This woman was ordering this poor nanny around and the nanny ended up on the ride while the mother stood by. She was also very hands off with her two little girls----formal and a bit cold. Downton Abbey did come to mind when I saw her in action, lol. This was just out quick impression after standing in a 40 minute line and we could have been wrong. My husband and I both looked at one another after the ride and shared our impressions.
It's not that he thinks you're incompetent. It's because this is how he was raised, so he thinks that this is the right thing to do. I think it would be best for you to decline the nanny, but accept every day help in the house, so that you wouldn't have to cook and clean up if you don't want to. Maybe someone who comes in during the day to clean up the kitchen and cook a meal for you and your husband, then leaves. That way you can concentrate on the baby, without the intrusion of full time help.
Babies can be scary for some men at first - even some moms at first! They seem very fragile and vulnerable at the start. Just keep on asking him to help with bath time and rocking, and feeding if possible. He'll get more confident with time and the baby's growth.
I don't like it bc stranger = I have to wear pants all the time in my own house.
Once you get to know them they aren't strangers any more.
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But I guess these things are important for bonding too.
