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It's far from meaningless when it comes to the economic nature of relationship, but it is completely meaningless to the actual intimacy of the relationship. Getting the piece of paper simply to appease mommy and daddy is, however, the wrong reason to do it.
Ironic that the mother's belief in the sanctity of marriage, the core of a strong family, is causing her own family to drift apart.
Her son is not only seeing less of his mom and dad, but less of his siblings as well. Meanwhile, he is bonding to the family of his girlfriend during these visits.
Finally, posters are thinking it's likely the gf with the issue here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I'm kind of amazed that no one here has said "Your house, your rules," regardless of the "consequences."
He knew his parents well enough to understand that they have traditional values, and it was not worth it to him to harm their relationship. He and his GF got over it.
I cut a lot but basically as I read the thread I was like, yeh, the son needs to get over it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
To me, it is a shame that he would fall on his sword over this.
Agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Siggy20
Seems to be reasonable to me. When my husband and I were dating for a year and I met his parents for the first time, I had no problem sleeping in a guest room for several nights. We did this out of respect to his parents. I think that the son and GF are being a bit selfish.
Now if a couple stayed in a permanently unmarried state, the OP may have to relax her standards a bit. By that time, I would assume the younger members of her family would be out of the house themselves. I think it would be silly to insist that a couple who may have been together for 10 years or so sleep in separate rooms. Dunno, hard to say.
Ditto.
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Originally Posted by ABQConvict
I can't believe you would drive your family apart over this, and then blame it on your son.
She's not driving them apart. She's just not being accepted by his gf. This is what's really going on, IMHO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aliss2
Oh good grief. We have a relative like this. We sleep in separate rooms, big deal. We have 10 years and 2 children, this is just 2 years of dating. It is disrespectful to force morality on your host. Or just don't stay overnight, use a hotel. Guests should be treated well but that doesn't mean you need to have your moral views compromised either.
Agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Even when our son was 28 years old and engaged to be married, he just assumed that he and his fiancé would be sleeping in different rooms in our house because he respected my husband's (and my) moral values that under our roof unmarried people do not sleep together. My husband (and I) did not have any problems visiting our son & his fiancé in their home, that they shared together briefly before they were married, as my husband said "Their home, their rules".
People are forgetting that you should show respect for your hosts, even if they are your parents.
This too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
I think it's a reluctance to accept the fact that her son wants to be with his girlfriend more than he wants to sit around with Mom and Dad.
Girlfriend he has sex with..... or Mom and Dad. He's 26, healthy and in a two year relationship. Guess who wins?
Exactly. But I don't think it's reluctance, I think it hurts her. But that's what's going on. There is a saying about when a man takes a wife he creates a "new" family but when daughter's marry they add to theirs...something like this. The just of it is however, that women tend to control family dynamics such as visiting in-laws and children, etc. The OP is feeling the effects of her son becoming his own family and his gf most likely controls their sleeping arrangements...because she provides him *special* incentives to do so.
Jaded, I'm sorry, I'm not understanding how you're arriving at the conclusion that it's the girlfriend's fault? Seems pretty clear that mom is taking a stand and son isn't cool with it. Where are you getting that this is the GF's doing?
So I let him know I'd like him to spend the Christmas this year here. His reply was "And I would like to share bed with my girlfriend" which I quickly told him no! He then said that's the answer I'd get from him!
I dunno, that doesn't much sound like the GF wears the pants and makes the decisions. Sounds more he's stating like his own opinion, or perhaps their opinion as a couple. He doesn't exactly sound whipped.
I dunno, that doesn't much sound like the GF wears the pants and makes the decisions. Sounds more he's stating like his own opinion, or perhaps their opinion as a couple. He doesn't exactly sound whipped.
This. Sounds like the son wants to share the bed with the girlfriend (which is perfectly reasonable when you're a healthy adult in your twenties) and doesn't much care for Mom's brand of morals. I have no idea why others see it fit to project their own insecurities onto a relationship they clearly know very little about. I get that Jade is a mod and all, but I don't think that in any way qualifies her to draw a conclusion that the facts, as presented, do not at all lend themselves to.
Sorry I've not been around... I checked the thread this morning before heading off to work. Then I got home and check the thread again and saw it had exploded beyond what I thought it would. So I didn't had time to sit and read everything until now.
They both have a lot of friends all over the place and few other family members as well. Even when my son was single, he would still be gone a lot. He would be here in the morning then be gone and half of the time he'd not be back for dinner and sometime he didn't even come back until the next day.
But what helped is, on the day he have no plan, it is easier for us to visit or come up with something to do than try to call him then pencil in the time and arrange everything.
Ever since he got with this girl and start to stay at her parent's place, it is much harder due to the distance and having to make a arrange for when I'm not working which isn't always easy.
I just really don't feel comfortable with allowing them to share the same bed. My husband and I both never shared the bed under our parents' roof until we were married. We were going to do this with our children. The other kids are 16 and 14 years old.
Then if our other relatives find out that we allows them to share the room, they would start to question us about it.
So it is much simpler and easier to just keep them in the separate room.
I don't think he is being passive aggressive. I think he just simply don't want to follow the rule.
I'm just upset that he couldn't make this sacrifice for a few days. I'm afraid if I let him do it then I'd have to do the same for other two and I don't like that idea at all and my husband sure isn't going to either.
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