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Right and she has every right to enforce the rules in her house, just as her son has every right not to visit because he doesn't like said rules.
Personally I think he's being passive aggressive and he knows where his parents stand and I'm pretty sure he knew this before he decided to shack up with his girlfriend. There are things I know my parents wouldn't agree with If I did them so I don't even do them around them. I respect my parents even if I don't always agree with them.
I respect my parents also. However, if I disagree with them I do not feel compelled to act like I agree with them. That is not respect.
The son is not being passive aggressive. He is being very upfront.
Because its not the same thing. As I already stated most parents have a set of morals and values for their children. They are not overprotecting them or over sheltering them.
We're not talking about MOST. We're talking about OP - and what she calls being moral, I (and many others here) call sheltering.
IMO he may be "punishing" his mom by not visiting her as often as he could and using the distance from his gf parents house as an excuse. However in his defense maybe it is a little too far for him. Who knows what his reason is.....I did preface my statement by saying "Personally I think."
You have nothing to base your opinion on, though, so you aren't being fair to the guy by suspecting him of something he may very well not be guilty of.
Because its not the same thing. As I already stated most parents have a set of morals and values for their children. They are not overprotecting them or over sheltering them.
Yes, you are right . . . most parents do have a set of morals and values for their children.
Key word: children
Son is an adult.
We hope we have given our children a set of standards. That doesn't mean they aren't going to decide what their own standards are when they are no longer in our household.
The younger children in the household, if they had asked about brother and his g/friend in a room together, only needed to be told -- "Brother and his girlfriend stay in the same bedroom in their home so they are staying in the same bedroom in ours."
Yes, you are right . . . most parents do have a set of morals and values for their children.
Key word: children
Son is an adult.
We hope we have given our children a set of standards. That doesn't mean they aren't going to decide what their own standards are when they are no longer in our household.
The younger children in the household, if they had asked about brother and his g/friend in a room together, only needed to be told -- "Brother and his girlfriend stay in the same bedroom in their home so they are staying in the same bedroom in ours."
End of discussion.
In other words she should go against her conscience for the sake of getting along with her children. And we wonder why children get worse and worse as the years go on.
This ^^^^. If the OP values her relationship with her son, she'll relent on this issue and be gracious when he and the GF stay over. She can explain it exactly like that to the younger kids. "Dad and I don't approve of couples sharing a room when they aren't married, but your brother is an adult, we miss him we he doesn't stay here and we've decided it's not worth arguing about."
I cried reading this.
If the OP thinks her son is going to come around, I fear she has a long wait ahead of her. I hope she is doing some soul searching right now and when she sees him in a few days, invites him and his girlfriend to spend the holidays with them.
Yes, you are right . . . most parents do have a set of morals and values for their children.
Key word: children
Son is an adult.
We hope we have given our children a set of standards. That doesn't mean they aren't going to decide what their own standards are when they are no longer in our household.
The younger children in the household, if they had asked about brother and his g/friend in a room together, only needed to be told -- "Brother and his girlfriend stay in the same bedroom in their home so they are staying in the same bedroom in ours."
End of discussion.
Even when you are an adult, your parents are still your parents. You don't have to like their rules but you should still respect them. When you are in your own house you can do what you want. The OP is just going to have to learn to stick with her guns or relent like most people nowadays do.
I don't think there is anything wrong with your rule. It's your house. You are perfectly right to stick with your morals.
I also don't think there is anything wrong with his response. He's sticking to his convictions as well.
Neither of you have cut the other off over it. You said that he was not inclined to be home much during visits before her, so it doesn't sound like much as changed. LOL. The fact that he's dating a girl who also has lots of friends in the area and staying a distance away has more to do with how much you are seeing him than any resentment over sleeping arrangements.
Not seeing enough of your grown kids is kind of a universal issue for parents, you know? Maybe you are tying two things together that don't really go together. You would only get an hour or so in the morning or an hour late at night even if he was staying with you, correct?
I would chill a little. Maybe try to meet them out for breakfast closer to where they staying, or find some other compromise. Don't focus on getting him to stay with you because I don't think that will really solve your problem anyway.
Yes, you are right . . . most parents do have a set of morals and values for their children.
Key word: children
Son is an adult.
We hope we have given our children a set of standards. That doesn't mean they aren't going to decide what their own standards are when they are no longer in our household.
The younger children in the household, if they had asked about brother and his g/friend in a room together, only needed to be told -- "Brother and his girlfriend stay in the same bedroom in their home so they are staying in the same bedroom in ours."
End of discussion.
Yes, but for whatever reason they aren't comfortable with that. Honestly it's completely their right. Do I think it's silly? Yes. Would I care about the shared bed? No. But it's not my house.
However, they've no right to whine either. Both sides have made their choice, and so it is. I really think there's more to this. I can't think of many I know who hasn't come up against this kind of situation while they were dating. Usually you just put up with it for a couple of days. It's not that big a deal - unless, this is part of a pattern of disapproval of son's relationship from the get go, which I think makes more sense.
We're not talking about MOST. We're talking about OP - and what she calls being moral, I (and many others here) call sheltering.
So its sheltering to encourage your children not to have premarital sex? Again this is one reason why children out of wedlock is much more prevalent then it was a few decades ago.
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