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Old 12-19-2007, 04:45 AM
 
Location: NJ
9,155 posts, read 20,195,772 times
Reputation: 6197

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Quote:
Originally Posted by luv80s View Post
My husband and I have two beautiful children. Our son is 2.5 and daughter is 3 months old. We always said we would stop at two because that seemed like plenty and we love our little close knit family. Well the other day we were talking about if we should try for a third after our daughter is a year old. Thats all it was, just talk, and more than likely we wont but still we aren't shutting out the idea. The thing that concerns me is that would be too overwhelming with 3 little ones running around, someone feeling neglected, etc. As it is, sometimes it feels like I barely have time for myself. But the idea of having another little boy or girl would be so nice.

Anyhoo, I'd like to hear from other parents who have 3 or more kids and whats it like raising a big family? How do you find time for yourself? Can it be chaotic, finances, sibling rivalry, relationship with your spouse, etc. I'm not asking for the people of the internet to help me make a decision about having kids, just want to hear your perspective on raising a big family.

Thanks!!
I'm the middle child of 3 girls. Growing up my two sisters were close, I felt left out.

Right now you have one of each close in age. They will either be friends or not, probably too early to tell. If you have another, the 2 of the same sex might bond more, but it also could go the other way, then you have 1 left out. They can also all get along and be very close.

I have 2, boy & girl 8 years apart. I don't recommend this age gap to anyone as it's been very rough since the two are like night & day. One is mellow & easy going, the other a firecracker. I've always wanted at least 2 kids so they'd never be alone & would have each other since I don't have any relatives in the US.

My old neighbor had 4 girls, they were 7, 3,2 & 1 when they moved a year ago. It was pretty hectic for her. She had two in diapers and while two napped, the 3 year old didn't want to, so she wasn't getting a full break. We saw them a few months ago, the girls all love each other & get along very well. As a neighbor that used to help, it was a lot of work. I used to bring them over and give them a bath every now and then (they loved my daughters bath toys).. I'd get the smallest out 1st, then next oldest with the 3 year old last. I was working up a sweat some days lol.. looking back, I'm glad I was able to help her out. I love those girls so much & wouldn't trade my memories for anything.

When the time comes for you to decide you will know what is right for you & your family. Who knows, if you have 3 you may try for a 4th. lol
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Old 12-19-2007, 12:59 PM
 
267 posts, read 1,681,993 times
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Thanks for your replies everyone. I know its alot to consider before making that big leap. Part of me wants another one because I love my kids so much and the thought of another one would be great and the other part is like Dont do it, dont do it! hehehe. Like someone on here said they have a mellow and easy going kid and a firecracker, well thats my two kids also. The thought of me having another rebellious and often whiny kid like my son would drive me bananas. He's very difficult and can get jealous if you dont give him enough attention so I'm thinking adding a third would cause more problems. But then again I don't know because by the time we have a third he'll be 4 and may grow out of all that.

But anyhoo, thanks again you guys. I see alot of positive stuff on having a third baby.
SunnyNJ, I hope you and your hubby can come to a happy solution Maybe, he'll come around! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
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Old 12-19-2007, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,286,236 times
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Relax. Your baby is only 3 months old. You can't make this decision yet. Your hormones are still "getting back to normal" if there is such a thing. Your probably still sleep deprived - to an extent. And your older one is 2.5! Give yourself time to enjoy the beautiful children you have. You will know if you want another. No reason to be thinking so hard about it yet. Besides ---if you have three- your gonna have a middle child ----so then you have to have 4! YIKES!

LOL just kidding
have fun!
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Old 12-19-2007, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,286,236 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyNJ View Post
We have 2 boys age 4 and 2. When I was pregnant with our 2nd we both said it was our last and I really meant it until he turned 1. Since then I have started to really really want another one. I don't even care that much if it's a girl, I just want to hold that itty bitty baby close, nurse them through the night and show them the way of the world. However, my husband is totally done. I mean totally done - no talking him into it. We have had huge fights about it and it's becoming a major issue (in my mind). He can't understand why I am not happy with the family we already have and I can't understand why he wouldn't want to add more joy.


I hope you two find some peace with your decisions. This is kind of the opposite in my house. I'm the one that says I'm done and hubby would have 12 if he could! But - in all fairness - I believe that some people actually have a hole to fill. So I have - on numerous occasions spoken to my husband. Everytime we see a baby he says "c'mon honey - one more!" And then he pouts. So I have seriously spoken to him to truly find out if he feels he's missing something. Whew ---lucky for me --- he said no - he doesn't feel like he HAS to have another. But I will tell you this....If he told me he really really deep down wanted another one - I would do it. That must be a terrible feeling to have. I'd probably need to be put on PROZAC after a 3rd! But I'd do it LOL

I wish you the best of luck with your journey and I hope you two can somehow work this out.
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Old 12-19-2007, 01:57 PM
 
Location: NJ
9,155 posts, read 20,195,772 times
Reputation: 6197
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv80s View Post
Thanks for your replies everyone. I know its alot to consider before making that big leap. Part of me wants another one because I love my kids so much and the thought of another one would be great and the other part is like Dont do it, dont do it! hehehe. Like someone on here said they have a mellow and easy going kid and a firecracker, well thats my two kids also. The thought of me having another rebellious and often whiny kid like my son would drive me bananas. He's very difficult and can get jealous if you dont give him enough attention so I'm thinking adding a third would cause more problems. But then again I don't know because by the time we have a third he'll be 4 and may grow out of all that..

I hope he settles down, mine hasn't, she's 14.
I will say, had she been 1st I would most likely only have 1.
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Old 12-19-2007, 10:16 PM
 
Location: coos bay oregon
2,096 posts, read 8,056,764 times
Reputation: 1273
I would have had another one, if my husband had agreed...but financially 3 is really really stretching it....i know that deep ache when i see a small baby, that was always one of my favorite parts of being a mom, when you feed, rock, clean, rock, feed, rock, etc. ohhhh bliss....i agreed that $$wise, it just wasn't, well, wise to have another..so, what we decided, is when our oldest is out of the house, and we have an extra room, to do short term foster care for small children, w/or w/o special needs. Heaven knows theres an awful lot of babies/kids out there that could use some extra love....and if we can supply that,at least for a short time, we're all winning.
anyhow, ya, if your baby is only 3months old, enjoy her (and your son) before thinking already of havnig another...just a thought, is it the pregnancy you miss most? I had a friend like that, she just LOVED being pregnant...
Best of luck!!!
Tiffany
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Old 12-19-2007, 10:26 PM
 
9,863 posts, read 8,979,797 times
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We raised our two nieces ... then adopted our daughter and 15 months after had another daughter and then our son. Time for myself ... LOL ... taking a good book into the bathroom ... locking the door and filling the tub with hot water ... reading and soaking .... with children laying in the floor talking to me underneath the door ... mother ... mother ... mom ... when are you getting out of the bathtub.

Then laying down the law ... everyone will stay in their own room in their own bed we got tired of waking up in the middle of night with children crawling all over us in bed ... soooo after laying down the law we wake up to children laying in the floor next to our bed!

Classoom Mother, PTO meetings, T-ball, dancing lessons, karate, volleyball, band, football, basketball, soccer, piano lessons ... all of this followed over the years. As long as you and your husband are a team and you both take part in everything it takes to raise the children it is a joy ... but not always a bed of roses when it comes to finding time for yourself.

Best wishes to you and your husband with whatever you decide.
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Old 07-08-2009, 06:27 AM
 
1 posts, read 4,537 times
Reputation: 10
We are a unit of 4. Two boys aged 7 and 5. Things are great but I have that "not finished" feeling. My husband is an only child and you can imagine just how hard it is to convince him to have a third. Any suggestions please. Or can someone just make my mind feel at rest and believe that two is just right?
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Old 07-08-2009, 07:34 AM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,723,874 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mecer View Post
We are a unit of 4. Two boys aged 7 and 5. Things are great but I have that "not finished" feeling. My husband is an only child and you can imagine just how hard it is to convince him to have a third. Any suggestions please. Or can someone just make my mind feel at rest and believe that two is just right?
Two is just right! We have 2 boys, ages 4 and 6. I guess we really only ever wanted 2, and now that there would be a big age gap, I REALLY don't want another. I can come up with a lot of excuses for stopping at 2 - smaller car, smaller house, money for preschool, sports, activities, college, money for everything, really; We're finally at the stage where we can take them skiing, and almost bike riding, and all those kinds of things. But, really it just comes down to wanting 2, not 3.
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Old 07-08-2009, 08:44 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,707,814 times
Reputation: 12043
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv80s View Post
My husband and I have two beautiful children. Our son is 2.5 and daughter is 3 months old. We always said we would stop at two because that seemed like plenty and we love our little close knit family. Well the other day we were talking about if we should try for a third after our daughter is a year old. Thats all it was, just talk, and more than likely we wont but still we aren't shutting out the idea. The thing that concerns me is that would be too overwhelming with 3 little ones running around, someone feeling neglected, etc. As it is, sometimes it feels like I barely have time for myself. But the idea of having another little boy or girl would be so nice.

Anyhoo, I'd like to hear from other parents who have 3 or more kids and whats it like raising a big family? How do you find time for yourself? Can it be chaotic, finances, sibling rivalry, relationship with your spouse, etc. I'm not asking for the people of the internet to help me make a decision about having kids, just want to hear your perspective on raising a big family.

Thanks!!
We have 3 boys. They are 15, 13, 10 years old now. When they were all small we had a live in nanny. I was working at the time.

I would say that if you want to find any time for your self you should consider some help during the day if you have 3 little ones. You don't necessarily need full time help if you are not working, but I would recommend a babysitter for a few hours a day, a few days a week. AND DON'T USE THE TIME TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING. Have lunch with your friends, go to the gym, meet your hubby for lunch, just have coffee at Starbucks and watch people........You have to MAKE time for yourself when you have little kids.

I don't know what your finances are but having 3 kids adds expenses in ways that most people do not understand. My husband makes plenty of money so we are able to cope with these extra expenses but they are real expenses.

When you have 3 little kids it is very difficult to have a normal sedan. It is difficult to have 3 car seats in a sedan. It is also necessary to be able to transport other people's kids sometimes so you need extra seating. With 3 kids you will need help from friends getting your kids to and from the different places as they get older. Of course, if you ask for help from others you have to be willing to help those folks who help you. So you need at least one larger vehicle and that means higher insurance and higher fuel costs.

When you travel with 4 people you can usually get by with one standard hotel room. You can do that with 3 kids when they are small, but as they grow you need bigger rooms, or two rooms. We usually opt for 2 smaller rooms in lieu of a suite. We like having 2 bathrooms for 5 people. It's not as much of an issue when the kids are small but imagine having just one bathroom for a week long vacation with 2 teenagers, 2 adults and 10 year old.

Having lots of kids means lots of running around for Mom. Even if your kids do not participate in an overwhelming number of activities you will have plenty of running around to do. My kids each play one sport at a time, and attend religious school until the age of 13. There is the obvious expense of registration fees and equipment for 3 kids but since they are not all the same age they will have practice on different days, at different places and different times. I know some larger families that do not let their kids do any sports because the mother does not want to do all the running around. We have chosen to deal with it but understand that having 3 kids in just one activity plus religious school means we are on the run 6 days a week.

I would not change a thing, but these are the things that immediately come to mind. If I think of more I will let you knw. I love having 3 kids.
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