U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 07-08-2009, 08:51 AM
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,102,729 times
Reputation: 35503


From my friends with 3, I would second Momma_bear's comments and add kitchen tables and even restaurant seating. Many many things are set up for 4 people. 5 throws a monkey wrench into things. Also keep in mind that kids don't get less expensive as they get older, they get more expensive. It is hard to imagine now, when you still have little ones in diapers ($$), how expensive things like school supplies, field trips, clothing (hand me downs don't always work out), food (teenagers eat A LOT and they have friends who eat A LOT), car insurance etc. That doesn't take into consideration sports and other activities, braces and college....All that said, my friends with 3 wouldn't change a thing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 07-08-2009, 10:23 AM
Location: Aberdeen
168 posts, read 257,308 times
Reputation: 372
I was ready to stop at #1 with my son. He was that difficult. Almost lost him and my wife the night he was born. I REALLY didn't want any more after that. God blessed us with a second... then a third. After three c-sections I was really concerned about my wifes safety and convinced her that it was best to have her tubes tied. Then God put a fourth child (through adoption) into our lives.

One was impossibly difficult. Two was a blessing. Three was a joy. Four is unbelievable. My wife and I now REALLY regret our decision and wish we could have a bunch more. I suggest reading "Cheaper by the Dozen" or "10 P's in a Pod" that give great insite to the benefits of a large family. The children learn and grow in completely different ways with a large family. They are drawn to each other for friendship rather than seeking acceptance from others. Every day I live to see my kids and the relationship they have with each other is a gift from God. We have difficult days, and you do grow in leadership skills, communication, confidence, lots of blessings come from a large family.

One good family friend gave us the advice the if you have three, you must have at least four. If you stop at three, someone usually gets left out or turned against. This was our experience as well. Things are so much better with four!

Last edited by IHOP; 07-08-2009 at 10:27 AM.. Reason: Forgot to mention...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-08-2009, 10:46 AM
758 posts, read 1,594,562 times
Reputation: 952
We had two children and said we were done, but when #2 turned 6 we started yearning for the babies again. So we had another, then we had a 7 year difference between #2 and #3 and thought #3 would be left out of the sibling loop so we had #4. It is definitely more work and more money and once in a while we think of all the things that we could be doing now if we hadn't had #3 and #4 ( #2 is 11), but it's only a fleeting thought. We love having the big family, and wouldn't have it any other way.

That being said, I did get my tubes tied after #4 so I wouldn't be tempted down the road to have anymore. We figured if the urge was that strong to have more, we would foster instead.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-08-2009, 10:53 AM
3,422 posts, read 9,432,996 times
Reputation: 1957
I have four and I have to echo the logistical concerns others mentioned.

We moved up to a van when I was pg with #4. Before that the three were crammed into a Volvo 940 wagon. I needed the cargo space in the back of the wagon for our groceries, backpacks, etc...

We are planning a vacation over Christmas - we are either going to have to book adjoining rooms or find a suite with enough places to sleep and a high enough occupancy limit.

Bedrooms - its not just fitting the beds but also the dressers and closet space for clothes (and of course you keep the hand-me-downs for the younger ones so you need room for that - I have only one girl and it is so nice to just hand down her outgrown clothing to someone outside of our household).

Activities - my youngest is too young for anything, but even when you limit them, its busy. I let them each do scouts and one sport or activity. My two middle kids are doing soccer this fall and my oldest wants to be in the school band, on top of scouting. I will be the den leader for my middle boy - eventually you will need to do these kinds of things - and its going to be interesting to hold the meetings at my home with my other kids (and siblings of the other scouts since its Tigers and the parents attend also) running around.

That being said, you find a way to make it work. Adding our last was a little hard b/c my 3rd was almost 4 when I found out I was pg, but its nice to have school-aged kids who are a little more independent while trying to raise my toddler. My first 3 were born within a 5 yr span.

One thing to consider is spacing - some people like to have all the kids at once, others space it b/c of day care costs, college costs, etc... sibling relationships will be shaped by the spacing as well as by their gender.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-08-2009, 10:57 AM
Location: Summerville, SC
1,149 posts, read 3,720,702 times
Reputation: 1118
My mother has three kids - I am 30, and my younger half brothers are 16 and 12. I will say I do not recommend waiting so long, resulting in such an age difference. Not only am I not close at all to my brothers, but they aren't even close to each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-08-2009, 11:03 AM
Location: Pittsburgh
1,142 posts, read 2,450,869 times
Reputation: 1138
I have three and I love it. We had two daughters and my hubby was done with having kids, but I felt there was someone missing. I couldn't shake that feeling so after lots of discussion, we tried for a third. My daughters were 7 and 4 when my son was born so we had some break between diapers and cribs. It also helped to have the gapbetween kids because I got some time to spend with my son alone while my other two were at school.

I think it's wonderful to have three kids. I am the oldest of three and I always have someone to turn to between my sister and brother. I wanted to give that to my kids too. We are currently trying to adopt another child but it's been a long wait and we're not sure it'll work out but I'd love another child, just not through natural means (3 c-sections is enough!)

I think if you give it some time and talk a bit more, the answer will come to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-08-2009, 11:08 AM
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 2,577,905 times
Reputation: 1080
Originally Posted by SunnyNJ View Post
We have 2 boys age 4 and 2. When I was pregnant with our 2nd we both said it was our last and I really meant it until he turned 1. Since then I have started to really really want another one. I don't even care that much if it's a girl, I just want to hold that itty bitty baby close, nurse them through the night and show them the way of the world. However, my husband is totally done. I mean totally done - no talking him into it. We have had huge fights about it and it's becoming a major issue (in my mind). He can't understand why I am not happy with the family we already have and I can't understand why he wouldn't want to add more joy.

My first husband wanted to "Try for a boy" so much. I insisted on a tubal after our second. We were BARELY making ends meet with two children and my father was giving us a place to live for FREE at that. I just couldn't see adding MORE bills to the mix. Plus our second was born with Cranial Stenosis (a fact that my hubby managed to politely ignore since he was a truck driver and gone All the time). I spent the time in the hospital with her, driving her to OKC to the specialist with either my mother or father because he was always gone "making a living" that just wasn't. He had a serious video poker habit and we NEVER had any money. With the surgery #2 had to have on her skull and all that...I was terrified to have another child. He just couldn't seem to understand why this was a problem for me. Personally I felt like it was our responsibility to recognize our financial limitations and abide within them. If and when we could afford another child, I could get the tubal reversed and get pregnant. Also let me just say here.... YEAH RIGHT. That wasn't gonna happen.
SO a few years later when he realized the girlfriend he had in ILLINOIS wasn't gonna have a boy for him either, he left us both and moved in with a woman who has 2 boys. Then she started having his children. *Did I mention she is still married to her first husband and not my ex?* Now she has a 16 yr old boy and 11 yr old boy (hers), 16 yr old daughter (my and his), a 3yr old boy, 1 yr old boy, and she is currently 7 months pregnant and since they "can't afford it" she hasn't had prenatal care on the last 2 until she was 8 months pregnant. He makes sure and tells everyone it is my fault because he has to pay child support on MY CHILDREN, like he had no part in making them. He has finally decided to go back to court and get custody of the 16 yr old of ours, mainly so he won't have to pay child support.

He has been taking our 16 yr old in the truck with him and the 3 yr old and 1 yr old to give the GF a "Break" before she has the new baby. I really didn't intend to put in all this stuff...it just came out.

Good Luck hon...whatever you decide, as long as it is what you want to do, do it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-12-2009, 10:10 AM
Location: northern Virginia
204 posts, read 576,370 times
Reputation: 120
I know you asked for replies from those that have 3 kids, but I just have my two - a 10 yr old girl and 8 yr old boy. You didn't mention your age or if that was a concern about having more, so I'll assume it isn't. I had my first child at 36 and second one at 38, and wasn't ready to have #3 right away. Then I got into my 40s and really felt I was too old to have more kids, so we didn't. I always wanted 3 kids - I myself was one of 6 kids. My husband is fine with two - no surprise, he is an only child. Can't undo the past but if I had started a family at least a few years younger I would have gone for three kids...I know the cost issues, restaurant tables and hotel rooms, but really those things are not impossible to work out, as long as you and your husband have a solid relationship and both want another. PS we are about to get a lab puppy, so I guess this will be my "third child", lol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-12-2009, 08:24 PM
8,240 posts, read 14,894,928 times
Reputation: 3651
As you can tell, we have 3. It's a handful and never boring...it always seems like a party. We do feel sometimes like they don't all get enough individual attention, and we're always at the grocery store!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-12-2009, 08:38 PM
Location: Norwood, MN
1,828 posts, read 3,279,224 times
Reputation: 871
Originally Posted by luv80s View Post
My husband and I have two beautiful children. Our son is 2.5 and daughter is 3 months old. We always said we would stop at two because that seemed like plenty and we love our little close knit family. Well the other day we were talking about if we should try for a third after our daughter is a year old. Thats all it was, just talk, and more than likely we wont but still we aren't shutting out the idea. The thing that concerns me is that would be too overwhelming with 3 little ones running around, someone feeling neglected, etc. As it is, sometimes it feels like I barely have time for myself. But the idea of having another little boy or girl would be so nice.

Anyhoo, I'd like to hear from other parents who have 3 or more kids and whats it like raising a big family? How do you find time for yourself? Can it be chaotic, finances, sibling rivalry, relationship with your spouse, etc. I'm not asking for the people of the internet to help me make a decision about having kids, just want to hear your perspective on raising a big family.

Please dont, the world is grossly overpopulated already. If you want a third child, PLEASE adopt!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top