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Old 07-29-2014, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
58 posts, read 47,773 times
Reputation: 30

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
And you replied?
that they need this punishment, otherwise they'll end up at another party until 3 and instead of thinking " Oh god, we are so busted" They'll think " Party on !! my parents won't do anything"

 
Old 07-29-2014, 02:22 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,742,339 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
that they need this punishment, otherwise they'll end up at another party until 3 and instead of thinking " Oh god, we are so busted" They'll think " Party on !! my parents won't do anything"
The punishment is not going to do much except make them get more crafty about hiding what they're up to. The 17 year old has gone on too long for you to start "punishing" now. And after a while the punishment loses its purpose.

Not that you should reneg. But a better actual consequence would be that you, next time they stay out past the agreed curfew, go to wherever they are and get them. In front of all their friends. Without fail. Now that might just make them think twice about breaking your agreements.
 
Old 07-29-2014, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,307 posts, read 49,920,131 times
Reputation: 67196
I thought teenagers were supposed to be whiny, surly, and monosyllabic.
 
Old 07-29-2014, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,686,493 times
Reputation: 19413
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
I have 2 kids, both daughters, both in their teens( 15 and 17) and I have a heck of a time disciplining them. Now, the 15 year old, she's the calmer of the two, she doesn't really argue with me, as much as debate me. She doesn't come to argue me with out well thought out arguments and because of that, she usually got her way. As the years have gone on she's begun to take after her sister. The 17 year old won't argue, she'll just whine and groan until either she gets her way or she gives up. They're both generally good kids, no suspension, no arrests, but they have snuck beer, snuck out of the house, and gotten more detentions than I would've liked. My house has very few, but very fair rules, ones my dad gave my sister. No revealing outfits, no boys upstairs, unless you're ok with you having your door open and me in the study( upstairs), if you are having a male friend over for the 1st time, parents are meeting him first, and try your hardest in school, if you can only muster up a C in a class, fine, just as long as you did all you could. If any discipline is done in the house it's by me. My wife is always the good guy. I'll ground a daughter, she'll start throwing a fit, then my wife'll put her arm around the daughter, and ask them to go for a walk. I've tried being the good guy, they don't respond to it. As I imagine is the case of a majority of fathers, I'm the human ATM machine. My 15 year old did recently have a job, but she felt it was affecting school and quit it.

I need help. What needs to be done?
Your wife needs parenting classes, if for no other reason than to show here that, when the girls are grown women with families of their own, their mother is likely the last person they will go to for advice. They can't trust her to make decisions that are in the best interest of her children. She was more interested in being her daughters' friends, rather than their parent and teacher. Good job dad. It's tougher than hell being the bad cop all the time. This...coming from "the bad cop mom".
 
Old 07-29-2014, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
58 posts, read 47,773 times
Reputation: 30
an unfortunate agreement was reached. Apparently, while I was working, my wife talked to the girls they are allowed to go to parties again under the condition that

1) I get to call them. No more waiting for a text
2) We get the address of said party, in case I need to drag them home.

I think betrayed is too strong of a word, I feel like I was tricked into thinking we were on the same page and maybe we'd start seeing some good come out of this, but no, all that's been learned is " if dad punishes us, Mom will swoop in and save us." It's not even that the " no parties" thing is gone, it's that I wasn't even at the " meeting". I was set up to be the bad guy. Maybe we should end the grounding all together, let them get Ds and Fs, let them drink until they pass out, and wear escort outfits out in public. I've asked her her reasoning. " They're teenagers, they're going to do stuff like this, it's in their DNA, trust me, they've learned their lesson". She gave them their phones back.
 
Old 07-29-2014, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,318 posts, read 37,918,871 times
Reputation: 74107
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
an unfortunate agreement was reached. Apparently, while I was working, my wife talked to the girls they are allowed to go to parties again under the condition that

1) I get to call them. No more waiting for a text
2) We get the address of said party, in case I need to drag them home.

I think betrayed is too strong of a word, I feel like I was tricked into thinking we were on the same page and maybe we'd start seeing some good come out of this, but no, all that's been learned is " if dad punishes us, Mom will swoop in and save us." It's not even that the " no parties" thing is gone, it's that I wasn't even at the " meeting". I was set up to be the bad guy. Maybe we should end the grounding all together, let them get Ds and Fs, let them drink until they pass out, and wear escort outfits out in public. I've asked her her reasoning. " They're teenagers, they're going to do stuff like this, it's in their DNA, trust me, they've learned their lesson". She gave them their phones back.
Wow.

I don't even know what to say. You two have major problems with your marriage, not to mention as parents.

I mean, how does it feel to be the enemy in your own home??? You can't trust ANYBODY in that house, not even yourself.

Are you content to live that way?
 
Old 07-29-2014, 06:31 PM
 
1,316 posts, read 943,123 times
Reputation: 3379
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
As I said, hopefully it's nothing. But you'd be mistaken if you don't think that for some people, a few teen shennanigans do indeed doom them to a life of alcoholism. The younger you drink the more likely it is that you'll have drinking problems later in life.
That's not true at all. Many countries have more liberal minimum age of consumption and they're not fraught with more alcoholism. It's just a scare tactic for our puritanical society.
 
Old 07-29-2014, 07:19 PM
 
12,936 posts, read 19,854,740 times
Reputation: 34052
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
an unfortunate agreement was reached. Apparently, while I was working, my wife talked to the girls they are allowed to go to parties again under the condition that

1) I get to call them. No more waiting for a text
2) We get the address of said party, in case I need to drag them home.

I think betrayed is too strong of a word, I feel like I was tricked into thinking we were on the same page and maybe we'd start seeing some good come out of this, but no, all that's been learned is " if dad punishes us, Mom will swoop in and save us." It's not even that the " no parties" thing is gone, it's that I wasn't even at the " meeting". I was set up to be the bad guy. Maybe we should end the grounding all together, let them get Ds and Fs, let them drink until they pass out, and wear escort outfits out in public. I've asked her her reasoning. " They're teenagers, they're going to do stuff like this, it's in their DNA, trust me, they've learned their lesson". She gave them their phones back.
I think your wife should be the one making the calls and dragging them home.

You and your wife need counseling. Heaven knows what the girls need at this point.
 
Old 07-29-2014, 07:27 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,742,339 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzile View Post
That's not true at all. Many countries have more liberal minimum age of consumption and they're not fraught with more alcoholism. It's just a scare tactic for our puritanical society.
I am from one of those countries.

And trust me, alcoholism is very real, in all those countries as well as this one.

I'd be the last possible person you could accuse of being puritanical. However, kids that start drinking have a higher propensity for developing problems. That's just a biological fact. And if your child is showing signs, then you don't want to be the one that has to live with the consequences of being an ostrich. The best thing you can do for someone (especially your own child) is to recognize an issue before it becomes a huge lifelong problem.

If it's not, fantastic. By all means have at it. But don't start before your brain is fully developed, because it ain't good for ya, and it's no fun going down that road.
 
Old 07-29-2014, 07:28 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,742,339 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I think your wife should be the one making the calls and dragging them home.

You and your wife need counseling. Heaven knows what the girls need at this point.
Agreed. Sorry dad. This is way overdue.
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