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Old 07-30-2014, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
58 posts, read 47,728 times
Reputation: 30

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
The OP has not been paying attention as long as things were ok.....and he doesn't get that he has any responsibility in all this.
I take a lot of the responsibility. I should've made a bigger attempt when they were younger to enforce bedtime, eat vegetables, make their beds, and then continued enforcing things as they got older, but I dropped the ball on my part and here we are.

 
Old 07-30-2014, 10:15 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,821,663 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
I take a lot of the responsibility. I should've made a bigger attempt when they were younger to enforce bedtime, eat vegetables, make their beds, and then continued enforcing things as they got older, but I dropped the ball on my part and here we are.
If you think that making them go to bed, eat veggies and make their bed would have prevented any of this....you are still living in dream land.

Really....you and your wife have not given them any background and understanding on why to behave (not just making sure they do)....you can punish them nine ways to Hades at this point....and it won't work. Why can't you get that?

You need to go back to zero and communicate and educate your daughters...it may or not be to late.....but at that point you've at least tried. Right now? You aren't doing anything but stroking your ego...you aren't teaching them anything.....you are just being a bully with semi-decent intentions.
 
Old 07-31-2014, 06:30 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,671,359 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
I take a lot of the responsibility. I should've made a bigger attempt when they were younger to enforce bedtime, eat vegetables, make their beds, and then continued enforcing things as they got older, but I dropped the ball on my part and here we are.
Your mistake is no different or worse than many parents' mistake. We ALL make mistakes in parenting. Those who've never looked back and said, "I coulda handled THAT a lot better"....well, they have mental health issues. If you care...you question your actions. If you care, you find yourself blaming yourself when they are disrespectful and disobedient...OR you blame someone else. Either way...if it's appropriate behavior, no one gets blamed. If it's inappropriate, we blame.

Listen, YOU don't even know whether you COULD have enforced those things, do you? Maybe, what would have happened, is that this would have gone bananas, earlier, instead of now. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.....it doesn't change a thing. All it does is assign blame.

That's the past. Your daughters are intelligent and OLD enough to understand adult logic. They KNOW how they should be behaving! They know when they're crossing the boundaries, but they'll always test the boundaries. Your daughters are "normal". It's you and your wife who have issues. You two need to get those issues straightened out, because that's what's causing the crap in your daughters' lives. They see two people who are STILL together, and yet STILL haven't gotten their sh*t together.

Seriously...you guys need to get it together or those girls are likely to not be able to have stable relationships. You guys are the daily models and if you can't get it right....then, maybe there IS no right.
 
Old 07-31-2014, 07:55 AM
 
2,639 posts, read 5,060,150 times
Reputation: 2346
I don't see this as a "not on the same page" issue or a "nobody's the boss" issue.

I see this is as a communication gap.

Your wife coddles and doesn't communicate the right/wrong of situations.
You enforce and don't communicate the good/bad of situations.
Your kids rebel and don't communicate the need/want of situations.

Collectively, a lack of communication is creating barriers that you're making thicker and your wife is throwing bombs at.

Now, maybe she doesn't see your way as the "right" way. Maybe you don't see her reaction as the "good" reaction. Maybe the kids don't get the value of things.

My suggestion? Counseling. All of you. Don't try to own it.
 
Old 07-31-2014, 08:07 AM
 
Location: North Oakland
8,842 posts, read 8,180,304 times
Reputation: 13362

Warren Zevon Tenderness on the block - YouTube
 
Old 07-31-2014, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
58 posts, read 47,728 times
Reputation: 30
Maybe I'm a little tardy to the party, but last night, my eyes were opened when Amber asked for my credit card( she was going out with friends). There was no " please" it was " can I have...?" and her holding out her hand. I didn't give the wallet and she stormed out without it. It was a very " entitled" attitude. Told my wife about this, told her Amber( who will fight everyday if need be. Lauren picks her battles) needs a job sooner rather than later because her philosophy now is " Why work? Dad gives me money." and I worry it will soon be " My husband will by me things." She's gotta realize she can't skate through life by her looks.
 
Old 07-31-2014, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,435 posts, read 41,667,043 times
Reputation: 47005
Good for you. Hope your wife didn't go behind your back and give her the credit card or money. If she did you really have to acknowledge serious problems in your family. Have you made any appointments yet?
 
Old 07-31-2014, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
58 posts, read 47,728 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Good for you. Hope your wife didn't go behind your back and give her the credit card or money. If she did you really have to acknowledge serious problems in your family. Have you made any appointments yet?
we're still searching around, trying to find the right therapist, then we have to figure out times and dates, but the wheels are turning. Nope, she didn't give credit card money.
 
Old 07-31-2014, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
58 posts, read 47,728 times
Reputation: 30
After this summer they've caused, all the problems, I'd better see a flawless school year. As and Bs,0 detentions.
 
Old 07-31-2014, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,094 posts, read 37,751,245 times
Reputation: 73775
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
After this summer they've caused, all the problems, I'd better see a flawless school year. As and Bs,0 detentions.
Or else what?

Why will this year be different?
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