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Old 07-25-2014, 01:32 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,716,271 times
Reputation: 12046

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
...she'll just whine and groan until either she gets her way or she gives up.
When my kids were little I used to respond to whining by telling them "I won't talk to you about anything if you whine." It took some time but they stopped whining. I am sure it would work with a teen.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
...I'm the human ATM machine.
I give my teens a monthly allowance. They can only ask for money for things that pertain to school. If they run out of money they have to wait for the next month (no borrowing from next month). We cover all of their necessities. They are expected to pay for their extras.

 
Old 07-25-2014, 01:35 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,716,271 times
Reputation: 12046
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
I just need tips. What am I doing wrong, and how do I fix it. Yeah, we have fun, we talk, but the " fun moments" are hard to come by. Most of our " moments" are either small talk, or arguing.
Stop arguing. You control whether you participate in an argument so just stop.
 
Old 07-25-2014, 01:41 PM
 
Location: The analog world
15,584 posts, read 8,749,121 times
Reputation: 20905
1) Spend time with your girls one-on-one.
2) Muzzle yourself if you feel the need to lecture. Just shut up and listen.
3) Don't be discouraged if your first attempts to connect with them fall flat. Keep at it.

Oh, and no alcohol in the house. Period.
 
Old 07-25-2014, 01:53 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,557 posts, read 42,724,437 times
Reputation: 57214
Count your blessings and realize that in only a few years, you will miss these trying times after the girls are gone, believe it or not.

Of course, it is wrong for your wife to undermine you, but this is not something that just popped up. It must have started many years ago, so its unlikely that this will change without a willingness on both your parts to get counseling.

The girls are just being kids. Of course they will wheedle and whine if it works. That's what kids do.
 
Old 07-25-2014, 01:59 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,818,147 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
1) Spend time with your girls one-on-one.
2) Muzzle yourself if you feel the need to lecture. Just shut up and listen.
3) Don't be discouraged if your first attempts to connect with them fall flat. Keep at it.

Oh, and no alcohol in the house. Period.
#3 is especially important. I have lost track at the times my daughter just blew me off...then later came to talk to me or do something with me...as I just suggested! LOL! But you can't just stop because a teenager is a bit stubborn.
 
Old 07-25-2014, 02:27 PM
 
12,914 posts, read 19,792,997 times
Reputation: 33920
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
1) Spend time with your girls one-on-one.
2) Muzzle yourself if you feel the need to lecture. Just shut up and listen.
3) Don't be discouraged if your first attempts to connect with them fall flat. Keep at it.

Oh, and no alcohol in the house. Period.
I'm in agreement with the first part of this post, but see no reason at all to keep alcohol out of the house if the OP enjoys a beer. Tell the girls there will be consequences if they touch it. Find one missing? The guilty party gets a automatic 2 week grounding. If nobody confesses, they both sit home.

Your 17 yr old should be driving, if not yet, shortly. She drinks, she loses driving privileges for 6 months, no clemency. The younger girl waits an extra 6 months to get her permit under the same conditions. Make them sign a contract that they are aware of the penalties.

I wouldn't play games with this, Dad. Stay strong.
 
Old 07-25-2014, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Kaliforneea
1,210 posts, read 850,893 times
Reputation: 1999
seems pretty normal.

sounds like your wife needs a spanking. You two either present a Unified Front
or suffer from a political triangle of power.

and find a way to secure the beer. I would add a padlock and hasp to a fridge in the garage - I'm not kidding.
 
Old 07-25-2014, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
58 posts, read 47,708 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
NOT everyone does this.

Your wife is undermining what few rules you apparently have. WHAT are you going to do about it?

You need to decide what kind of parent you are. If you're not a "no drinking till you're 21" kind of parent, what do you EXPECT your kids to do???
I drank when I was under 21, but only around my parents, 3 beers at most, nothing ever happened. Ideally that's what I want from them. Addressing another post, nowadays, at least in their school, detentions aren't hard to get. Whip your phone out, eye rolling, sighing loudly, they all land you detention. I think it'll be hard to get my wife out of the mindset she is now where my punishments are met with " They're just teenagers."
 
Old 07-25-2014, 03:32 PM
 
Location: The analog world
15,584 posts, read 8,749,121 times
Reputation: 20905
Personally, I think you're courting trouble, because they've already proven untrustworthy when there's alcohol in reach, but you're the parent. I do wish you well. Hang in there. They'll be grown and gone before you know it.
 
Old 07-25-2014, 03:47 PM
 
12,914 posts, read 19,792,997 times
Reputation: 33920
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocTrojan View Post
I drank when I was under 21, but only around my parents, 3 beers at most, nothing ever happened. Ideally that's what I want from them. Addressing another post, nowadays, at least in their school, detentions aren't hard to get. Whip your phone out, eye rolling, sighing loudly, they all land you detention. I think it'll be hard to get my wife out of the mindset she is now where my punishments are met with " They're just teenagers."
Now it sounds as though your making excuses for them, just as your wife has. Stop making excuses, start making expectations. Follow through.
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