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Now it sounds as though your making excuses for them, just as your wife has. Stop making excuses, start making expectations. Follow through.
I agree.
Parents who think it's OK to let their kids break the law "in the safety of their own home" or that it's OK in the presence of parents are fooling themselves.
Like I said earlier, decide what you want and be that kind of parent. If you don't want to set rules that they cannot drink, then don't be surprised when they take beer out of the fridge.
Tip: The fact that they LIED to you about it initially is a sign that your kids know it's wrong.
the one they always trying to break is the " no revealing outfits" rule. Sure they try the quick " head for the door, say bye and rush out in their skimpy outfit." trick, but it doesn't work. This is a fight that happens weekly over " this is appropriate, this isn't
" They argue with me a lot over it. I've actually thrown stuff in the trash because I'm so adamant. I guess in their minds, I want them to dress like 1800s Amish mothers, I just don't want them looking like streetwalkers. Is that so bad?
You don't need anybody on this board to tell you how your daughters should dress. If YOU don't approve, what more needs to be said? Personally, I think the school dress code is the line in the sand, you don't even have to draw it. Does breaking the dress code have any link to the detentions?
I am a pretty liberal parent. But, my spouse and I have always agreed on certain standards, and had each other's back. You don't seem to know exactly what your own standards are, or, at least, you haven't successfully conveyed them to your kids, or us.
You don't need anybody on this board to tell you how your daughters should dress. If YOU don't approve, what more needs to be said? Personally, I think the school dress code is the line in the sand, you don't even have to draw it. Does breaking the dress code have any link to the detentions?
I am a pretty liberal parent. But, my spouse and I have always agreed on certain standards, and had each other's back. You don't seem to know exactly what your own standards are, or, at least, you haven't successfully conveyed them to your kids, or us.
haha, I know I don't need anyone here to tell me how they should dress, I was just venting. No, the detention's are all about behavior in class.
the one they always trying to break is the " no revealing outfits" rule. Sure they try the quick " head for the door, say bye and rush out in their skimpy outfit." trick, but it doesn't work. This is a fight that happens weekly over " this is appropriate, this isn't
" They argue with me a lot over it. I've actually thrown stuff in the trash because I'm so adamant. I guess in their minds, I want them to dress like 1800s Amish mothers, I just don't want them looking like streetwalkers. Is that so bad?
When I was a teenager, I would pick a girl up for a date and she would change clothes in the car. Sometimes a girl would wear a long dress, take it off to reveal her true outfit, and put the long dress back on before I took her home. Some teenage girls are so modest they would die of embarrassment in anything more revealing than a sweatshirt. Others look good, know they look good, and want to show it off. Your daughters sound like the second kind.
At their age, you should be teaching your girls how to handle alcohol. They need to learn control, how to avoid binge drinking and to be clued in to party tricks like, "Don't drink on an empty stomach." Bars pull this trick all the time. They put out salty snacks for free and increase beer consumption by 50%.
If they think Dad knows stuff, they will be more willing to listen to you.
I drank when I was under 21, but only around my parents, 3 beers at most, nothing ever happened. Ideally that's what I want from them. Addressing another post, nowadays, at least in their school, detentions aren't hard to get. Whip your phone out, eye rolling, sighing loudly, they all land you detention. I think it'll be hard to get my wife out of the mindset she is now where my punishments are met with " They're just teenagers."
Yes, you should serve wine with dinner, perhaps watered wine in the case of the 15 year old. The kids should also be able to split a beer on a hot day. You need to drain the mystery out of it. Otherwise they will get out in the real world, get pie eyed and end up having sex with some guy they don't even know.
I grew up in a non-drinking household. It wasn't a big deal. My parents just explained that they preferred not to drink, because they thought it impaired their judgement, and they expected us not to drink until we were of age. I've had an occasional glass of wine as an adult, but I don't drink regularly, and I do not keep alcohol in the house. I didn't drink at all in high school, and neither did any of my siblings, although we certainly had many opportunities to do so. (As an aside, I don't have a problem with other adults having a beer or glass of wine, but I do have a problem with alcohol-fueled boorish behavior.) My point is that there's more than one way to skin a cat. One doesn't necessarily have to teach underage kids how to handle alcohol. For many kids, being very clear about expectations and setting a good example works wonders. As for the OP, unfortunately it appears that horse is already out of the barn.
You and your wife need counseling. Parenting is the hardest thing you'll ever do, but your children deserve parents that will at least try to present an united front. Good luck!
Based on your post, you have normal teenagers. What needs to be done is you need to realize that. If you had an idea of what teenagers were going to be, get that out of your head. They're going to push boundaries, sneak around, whine and argue. As long as they're "pretty good kids", you're doing quite well, actually! And your rules don't sound overly strict - but a teenager will still be trying to break free of any chains.
I've had discussions with friends where we theorized that God made teenagers so nasty and difficult so that parents won't be devastated when the leave the nest -- almost kind of relieved!
If they're stealing or doing other illegal activity, doing drugs, drinking and driving, etc., you need to bring the hammer down hard. Other than that, keep them in school, encourage grades to stay up, and count your blessings. And if you can find any common interests or activities, see what you can all get involved in.
It's just a waiting game now. Give them another few years, and they'll have gained a whole new appreciation for their parents.
I am a male in 20s so I am far from a parent of girls your age, but I am pretty sure they are gonna be fine.
My advice on the drinking is this. Don't allow them to drink. They still will do it at parties and stuff which is okay IMO but you don't want your 17 year old daughter drinking all the time and thinking its normal.
IMO you definitely do not want your kids to have no experience drinking before college. Most freshman I knew who came into college without drinking before ended up with some kind of mild drinking problem for at least a period before they finally understood the consequences.
Definitely punish them for drinking because they shouldn't be able to do whatever they want yet, all the girls I knew in high school whose parents didnt give an F about drinking in their house became F'd up later in life. But at the same time I wouldn't come down too hard on them.
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