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Old 07-30-2014, 11:09 AM
 
4,743 posts, read 3,578,789 times
Reputation: 2474

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My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"


I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me


I wouldn't do the below to my kids, but that is me.



and the no overnight thing to me speaks of selfishness. . .I mean a 2 year old and a 4 year old will sleep where told. My 19month old has several non-parent sleepovers (like in law or grandparents or put to bed by babysitters). No reason I can fathom that a kid of any age can't sleep overnight with dad.

 
Old 07-30-2014, 11:09 AM
 
46 posts, read 38,608 times
Reputation: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Siggy20 View Post
It sounds like you are making a great effort. Just a few tweaks and you should be set. It is great that they are staying with your parents a couple times a week and you get to see them so often, especially the weekends. I think you are doing a remarkable job in terms of time with your sons.
I try to do what I can. My parents love having them around.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Siggy20 View Post
My only advice is to try to be there when you say....be a person of your word. Unless it is a dire work emergency causing you to physically be at work, try to make it back on Thursday or whatever time you may have with your sons. Most business can be conducted remotely unless you are the IT guy physically having to be there for whatever emergency (my poor hubby for example). It is easy to get caught up in your career yet after a bit, you realize that everything doesn't need to be done right at that moment.
That's my main fear, that they might think I'm showing up because I don't care when actually it's because I truly couldn't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Siggy20 View Post
As to promotion, that is a personal choice, especially if you have to travel extensively. Only you can make that choice and don't let anyone guilt you into one particular decision. I've known many families where one person extensively travels yet they have pretty good quality time with their kids when they are home.
I don't think I'll accept it. My current work trips are usually just a few days long. I remember last year I had to be away for a whole month and we were explaining to the oldest that I was going to be around for longer then usual. He clinged to my leg so I wouldn't leave.
 
Old 07-30-2014, 11:19 AM
 
46 posts, read 38,608 times
Reputation: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrisFromChicago View Post
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"


I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me


I wouldn't do the below to my kids, but that is me.
I wouldn't be so dramatic, I hope they can see I made an effort and have a bit of time for me when they grow up.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrisFromChicago View Post
and the no overnight thing to me speaks of selfishness. . .I mean a 2 year old and a 4 year old will sleep where told. My 19month old has several non-parent sleepovers (like in law or grandparents or put to bed by babysitters). No reason I can fathom that a kid of any age can't sleep overnight with dad.
The 4 year old would sleep in my house, no problem. But the youngest starts crying if he has to go to sleep in unfamiliar surroundings. I'll try to have him start staying here soon. The oldest says he won't stay if his brother doesn't and I don't want to force things too much.
 
Old 07-30-2014, 11:22 AM
 
506 posts, read 248,859 times
Reputation: 316
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinzK View Post
No, more. I spend a full day of the weekend with them (well, from morning to night).
Yes, but I don't think you should try to cut down on that just to earn more money at work.
 
Old 07-30-2014, 11:38 AM
Status: "be kind." (set 28 days ago)
 
2,685 posts, read 3,889,178 times
Reputation: 6262
It seems to me that if you have to ask the question - you already know the answer.

Please spend as much time (quality time - engaged with them) with your boys as you can. They are only young once. If you don't, I believe that one day when you are an old man you will regret the times you did not have with your boys as will they.
 
Old 07-30-2014, 11:49 AM
 
46 posts, read 38,608 times
Reputation: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlotteborn View Post
Please spend as much time (quality time - engaged with them) with your boys as you can. They are only young once. If you don't, I believe that one day when you are an old man you will regret the times you did not have with your boys as will they.
I'm amazed at the speed they grow up. If I spend two weeks without seeing them, they have already learned new words and know how to draw something new.
 
Old 07-30-2014, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Aiken, South Carolina, US of A
1,752 posts, read 3,626,820 times
Reputation: 3521
Prinz,
You have taken on the most important and exhausting job
in the world. You are the father of 2 sons.
It is a life long job. Honest.
They are young now, and your 2 year old is so unfamiliar
with your home, he won't stay overnight.
What does that say?
If you are truly a selfish person, which I noticed you made time to
visit the gym 3 times a week, despite your busy schedule, you won't change
just because you made the decision to become a father.
You act like you "do your duty" by trying to spend a little time with
them "when you can".
Good Luck with that.
Just remember, little boys grow up, and if you aren't in their life for them
when they are little, they will have no respect for you or listen to you
when they are teenagers, the time in their life that they will need you most.
You will reep what you sow, and boy that is true when it comes to kids.
 
Old 07-30-2014, 12:35 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,758,561 times
Reputation: 38835
I would be nice if you considered your sons to be as important as the gym. You don't make excuses and skip the gym... the same should hold for your boys.
 
Old 07-30-2014, 12:37 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,758,561 times
Reputation: 38835
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinzK View Post
The problem is that many times I have to solve a last minute problem and end up staying there until 10 PM on the Thrusday they were supposed to be with me.
No excuse.
You say you get them from daycare & have them home for their bedtime. That "last minute problem" will be there AFTER their bedtime.

What you are teaching them is that work is more important to you than they are.
 
Old 07-30-2014, 12:42 PM
 
10,608 posts, read 13,397,132 times
Reputation: 17163
You're making CHOICES.

You won't have a good relationship with them, they will have a damaged life, and they will reject you in the end. Most likely they won't make good choices in THEIR futures, too.

Just like when my son's father said everything you said. Bunch of excuses.

My son refused to speak to him during 9th grade he was OVER IT. That was around 20 years ago. And I tried FOREVER to have him reverse that decision but he'd have none of it.

He is dead to him. Even though HE NAGS ME CONSTANTLY about "his son".

I always go "what son?".

P.S. You said "your language" so I assume you are not a native born American? Ditto here. My son didn't give a DAMN about his 100 relatives in Greece or grandparents once he "divorced" his father. They were ALL dead to him permanently.
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