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Old 08-01-2014, 08:20 AM
 
9,351 posts, read 15,799,798 times
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Charges against your ex have nothing to do with divorce hearings or timelines.

You can certainly get supervised probation if the father is abusive. He is also a flight risk.

You need to find a good atty because the one you have been talking to isn't doing anything but taking your money.

There should be a social service organization in your county that helps physically and emotionally abused women. You need to find that place and talk to them. They may also serve as an advocate/support person for you. They might also have some knowledge of some attys who will actually represent their clients.

 
Old 08-01-2014, 08:31 AM
 
89 posts, read 65,616 times
Reputation: 54
I had one lawyer who only took my money. I fired him and then got another one. All I really wanted was the divorce decree with sole custody, which he got, so it's not like I did not get anything. My husband is Syrian. Anyway he is lazy and is not part of the Russian/Serbian/whatever population in Philadelphia. He is doing the minimum to pay his rent and buy food. He did not work for the 2 years I lived with him together in the US. He has weird superiority notions and is not willing to work more than 4 hours per day. For this reason I did not care to fight for child support because I thought it would amount to little and it was not a priority. Possibly I should have fought for child support. Maybe my lawyer sucks but there aren't a lot around and my hearing is on Monday.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 08:50 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,000,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
All I really wanted was the divorce decree with sole custody, which he got, so it's not like I did not get anything.
A good lawyer would have explained to you why it was important to go for more. Having sole custody in the divorce decree is no guarantee that you'll have sole custody for life. He could challenge that someday, just like he's challenging the visitation that's in the divorce decree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
He is doing the minimum to pay his rent and buy food.
And to take you to court for visitation.

Everything you say about his work ethic and money when you were together is the past and irrelevant because the marriage is over and the divorce has been finalized. The reality is you don't know what he's doing NOW because you're no longer together and you live 400 miles away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
For this reason I did not care to fight for child support because I thought it would amount to little and it was not a priority. Possibly I should have fought for child support.
It should have been a priority, and it should be a priority now that he's taking you to court. There's no fight. Courts give child support. Period. It's easy. All you have to do is file.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
Maybe my lawyer sucks but there aren't a lot around and my hearing is on Monday.
Your current lawyer might not suck. The one you had for your divorce sucked. And the one who told you to not press assault charges because it would slow down your divorce sucked. Take your lawyer to the hearing on Monday. Call him and have him file a petition for child support today! Even if he can't go on Monday and the plan is you to ask for a "time out" (whatever that is), get the child support petition filed before Monday!
 
Old 08-01-2014, 10:25 AM
 
89 posts, read 65,616 times
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I am moving in a week to NC. Wouldn't it be better to file the petition for child support there? It will be very difficult to come back to NY for another hearing...

I have called my lawyer and he is going with me on Monday. I brought up the issue of child support. He said it will be his aim to make visitation very annoying for my husband/he will not see me during visitation...hopefully that will make him drop off. It seems that if my ex really DOES want a relationship with my son, there won't be a lot I can do to prevent it. I mean all of this is hoping his main goal is to irritate me and he just pretends to want a relationship with our son.

No, the divorce decree does not guarantee me custody forever, but I doubt my ex would ever want custody. Also, I doubt the circumstances would ever warrant a change of custody. The only thing to really prevent him from ever trying to get custody would be if he got deported or something. I can't make him get deported. Even with child support - if he's ordered to give me 17% of his income he will probably do it. I doubt he will violate it and then get deported.

Why should I have the motion for child support filed before Monday? I mean I get that it's something to do, but would it affect anything if done before Monday?
 
Old 08-01-2014, 10:28 AM
 
89 posts, read 65,616 times
Reputation: 54
His taking me to court hasn't cost him any money. He has not retained a lawyer. He just went to family court while he happened to be visiting our son and filed a petition for visitation. I don't think he is planning to bring a lawyer with him to the hearing. So that's not an indicator of his current earnings.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 10:34 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,000,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
I am moving in a week to NC. Wouldn't it be better to file the petition for child support there? It will be very difficult to come back to NY for another hearing...
This visitation hearing might impede your being able to move to NC. Your plans to move to NC might be the very reason he initiated this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
I can't make him get deported. Even with child support - if he's ordered to give me 17% of his income he will probably do it. I doubt he will violate it and then get deported.
You never know unless you do it. By doing it, you've paved the way for the possibility. There's no good reason to not file for child support.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
Why should I have the motion for child support filed before Monday? I mean I get that it's something to do, but would it affect anything if done before Monday?
They might rule on child support on Monday at the visitation hearing if you file for it. Since it depends on your state, check with your lawyer. There might still be time. I'm surprised he didn't file a petition for child support back when you received the petition for visitation.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 10:47 AM
 
89 posts, read 65,616 times
Reputation: 54
The plans to move are the main reason he did this. At the time we were not legally divorced (he did not think I would follow through) and he wanted me to let him live with us in NC.

Some lawyers (mine as well as 3 others) said there was not much he could do to prevent the move. They said the worst could be if he filed a petition to contest relocation but he would have to do so within 6 months and he would not have a case anyhow, since the move does not affect him in any way and is in our son's best interest.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,490 posts, read 15,932,856 times
Reputation: 38829
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
This visitation hearing might impede your being able to move to NC. Your plans to move to NC might be the very reason he initiated this.
(snip).
I agree that he may be trying to block your move to NC.

IMHO, it is highly unusual for an adult to bite someone during a fight. Does he have mental health or psychiatric issues? If you suspect that he does let your attorney know about that. It may effect whether or not he gets supervised or unsupervised visitation with his son.

If you are concerned that he may steal your son and take him out of the country be sure to tell your attorney that as well. Perhaps the court may be able to do something to prevent your husband's ability to get a passport for your son (red flag his social security number or something).

As another poster mentioned, just because your husband rarely worked during your marriage does not mean that he isn't working now or may start working in the future. He is the biological father and he should be paying his fair share of child support.

Good luck to you.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 10:53 AM
 
418 posts, read 398,759 times
Reputation: 306
Can he visit your son with you? and at your home? At 2 it's really hard to explain to a child visitation, it's often easier if they can stay in their home.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 10:55 AM
 
15,832 posts, read 18,454,406 times
Reputation: 25619
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Family court will understand his wanting something more solid than "from time to tome and we you both agree." That's way too vague and won't be considered a real a visitation schedule. I you don't have any documented proof of abuse to the child, the court is going to award him visitation.

He really doesn't live too far away to have regular visitation. It maybe be one or two weekends a month and likely extended time in the summers. You'll probably have to be required to drive to meet him halfway to exchange the children.


If you do that, you'll just delay the inevitable.
Also, the parents usually have to split the expenses to make visitation happen. Perhaps since your child is small, and your ex hasn't been participating in weekly visits, you can ask the court to implement visits in your town, at last until your child is a few years older, and has built up a relationship with his father. Speak about your concerns, at least that way thy will b on record. Anything the court decides will be what you have to follow until one of you decides to revisit the visitation in the future. I would start keeping all communications for future hearings. Any conflicts can effect any future decisions. Good luck on this
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