U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 08-01-2014, 11:08 AM
 
89 posts, read 65,639 times
Reputation: 54

Advertisements

Thanks. I thought we would have to share expenses. That's why I originally offered him to meet once halfway, and the other time to stay at my house. True, it makes no sense to have him stay at my house, but it's better than paying for a hotel and letting him take our son there. The fact is that my ex's behavior is often ok but can be explosive. I know of men who have been more abusive than him, have been in prison and used drugs, and still got every other weekend and a week night. And as I said, I'd rather have him with our son near me, than off alone some place. On the other hand there is a chance that visitation would be less appealing if he had to go alone or with a supervisor.

I think he has mental health issues. He fits the criteria of borderline personality disorder as well as others. Biting my mother was not normal. One time when we were together he asked me if I wanted to eat. I said no. He took a pan, threw it across the room and shouted "f-ck you." He has anger management issues for sure.

About the working thing - I know him in this. Ok, he claims to have a medical degree from Russia. He may have one but if he does, he bought it and never studied. So his current thing is that he is going to be a doctor in the US. He has USMLE books and goes to the library to "study." Every time I talk to him he is either at Starbucks or the library, which are his best places to meet women. In his mind he is a doctor and going to be a doctor in the US some day, though that will never happen. This is a big reason why he does not want to work. He is not driven just to make ends meet and things like that, because in his delusional mind he is going to be a doctor in a couple of years. In May he went to Russia for 4 weeks. So I don't think any employer would let him pick up and go like that, which also makes me doubt that he works a lot. When I lived with him he had a job in a restaurant. He worked 8 hours a week and said it was *so tiring.* He also likes to prey on women. Early in our relationship I gave him my savings. So I think part of his agenda is to find a woman with money whom he can use. This is a reason he stays in Philly because he lives in a very expensive suburb (but he just rents a room), and thinks he will find a woman in that area.

 
Old 08-01-2014, 11:20 AM
 
89 posts, read 65,639 times
Reputation: 54
Another thought about child support - I read I am supposed to bring proof of expenses, my pay stubs, etc. Right now my expenses are very low. When I move to NC I will be paying more for insurance, child care, rent, all of those things. Which is another reason why it sort of makes sense to me to do child support there, because I have few documented child-related expenses now. I don't even pay rent.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 12:09 PM
 
9,360 posts, read 15,824,172 times
Reputation: 17166
Child support is based on income, so you shouldn't have to bring anything with you. Since your ex is unemployed or underemployed because he wants to be, the court can issue a "Seek Work" order to him. You should file while you are still in the state of jurisdiction; you will be needlessly complicating and delaying the process if you wait to ask for another court to intervene on your behalf. He can also deny the child and demand a paternity test (it doesn't matter what he said before), which the court will order him to take. Simply put, there should be a child support order already in place when you hit NC.

Last edited by joe from dayton; 08-01-2014 at 12:22 PM..
 
Old 08-01-2014, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,029 posts, read 1,157,112 times
Reputation: 1982
Have you asked your lawyer what happens after you move?

In some cases, the original state where the divorce was filed retains jurisdiction over the case - so even though neither of you live, there will be bound by the laws of that state.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 12:47 PM
 
9,360 posts, read 15,824,172 times
Reputation: 17166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aggiebuttercup View Post
Have you asked your lawyer what happens after you move?

In some cases, the original state where the divorce was filed retains jurisdiction over the case - so even though neither of you live, there will be bound by the laws of that state.
This is also correct. I know someone who recently had to drive 1,000 miles (one way) in order to make a personal appearance to have a child support order ammended.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 01:00 PM
 
89 posts, read 65,639 times
Reputation: 54
I was told that NY will not have jurisdiction if both my husband and I are residents of other states...
 
Old 08-01-2014, 01:23 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,059,506 times
Reputation: 30261
Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
Another thought about child support - I read I am supposed to bring proof of expenses, my pay stubs, etc. Right now my expenses are very low. When I move to NC I will be paying more for insurance, child care, rent, all of those things. Which is another reason why it sort of makes sense to me to do child support there, because I have few documented child-related expenses now. I don't even pay rent.
You'll have to wait 6 months before you can file for child support in NC if you can file in NC ever. States require children live in states for 6 months before they are considered residents for family court. As a result, your child's residency will be NY for the first 6 months you live in NC. If you wait until after that, you very well might be back in NY if he files a petition to contest relocation and is success. It's illogical to wait until you live in NC because NY will remain your family court for the next 6 months and possibly for much longer than 6 months. If you're worried about having to return to NY for court after Monday, that's likely to happen anyway if he takes you back to court again.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 01:38 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,059,506 times
Reputation: 30261
Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
The plans to move are the main reason he did this. At the time we were not legally divorced (he did not think I would follow through) and he wanted me to let him live with us in NC.

Some lawyers (mine as well as 3 others) said there was not much he could do to prevent the move. They said the worst could be if he filed a petition to contest relocation but he would have to do so within 6 months and he would not have a case anyhow, since the move does not affect him in any way and is in our son's best interest.
I think he has a good case of proving the move affects him. Your initial move harmed greatly harmed is relationship with his child. Now you're going to move to a city where he doesn't know anyone. At least he knew people in NY, and he could stay with them when visiting. Even though he never did, he can claim that option is no longer available to him, and you can't say otherwise because it's obvious he knows nobody in NC. Furthermore, you say it's "about" the same distance. If it's just slightly further, that is affecting him. Even if the mileage is the exactly the same, it will definitely take longer to commute there since he has to go through the greater metro of Washington DC, which everyone knows is a nightmare of traffic.

He's not dumb. It's not a coincidence that he petitioned for visitation and you're hearing is a week prior to your moving. Someone has informed him of his rights and is guiding him through this process. Your distain for him is causing you to severely underestimate him.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 01:47 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,059,506 times
Reputation: 30261
Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaMarie13 View Post
I was told that NY will not have jurisdiction if both my husband and I are residents of other states...
NY may retain jurisdiction for the first 6 months. Other issues could possibly extend it longer.
 
Old 08-01-2014, 02:17 PM
 
89 posts, read 65,639 times
Reputation: 54
He did not know anyone in NY. When he visited he stayed with me or at a hotel. There is not a single person in NY who liked him and would say that he stayed with them (unless he just bribes someone or something).

He moved to Philly in August 2012. I was without him in NY until November 2012. I spent December 2012 in NY. I then spent several months of the first half of 2013 in NY. So we only lived together in Philadelphia for maybe 7 months. Yes my move affected him, except it's not like I had a choice. My current move is for our son's best interest. I am going to graduate school. My earning potential will be 3-4x what it currently is. My parents are moving as well, so my son will have the same support system he currently has. He is not losing anything in NY. Sure, having to drive an extra hour affects my ex husband, but that can't outweigh the benefits of moving. I currently have very limited income and no local job prospects.

Once when the police were involved they gave my husband the address of the local family court and told him to go there if he wanted to deal with custody/visitation. It's not like he needed great and detailed council from someone to figure it out. Up until recently he definitely did NOT have legal council. When he was served the divorce summons he just threw them away, which is why I got the divorce by default.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top