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Old 08-01-2014, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
5,281 posts, read 4,560,668 times
Reputation: 13274

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Thank you for your supportive and thoughtful comments! I'm glad to know i'm not completely off base here.

I did read Siblings Without Rivalry back in the early years, found it very helpful. I'm sure it influenced some of my approach over the years.

I wrote the original post last night at 7:!5, just after oldest had left for rehearsal (Youngest is at Dad's house) I did the dishes, went for a walk, read a book, went to bed. When she came home she cried on my shoulder for half an hour about how awful her rehearsal was and how it is all about her. I did as the counselor said and just did reflective listening instead of trying to FIX her problem. Then I slept, got up, ate, started the laundry.

I'm rather astonished that someone left a rep comment expressing surprise that I hadn't already come back and responded to your posts! I do have a life outside of posting on CD! :-)
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Old 08-01-2014, 09:28 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,940,518 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
I'm rather astonished that someone left a rep comment expressing surprise that I hadn't already come back and responded to your posts! I do have a life outside of posting on CD! :-)
I didn't express surprise, did I? Maybe I did. I believe I asked if you were going to come back and respond. Sometimes people don't and leaving a rep message helps them remember they started a thread when they return to the forums even if it's days or weeks later. It's really not astonishing. I wasn't sitting here on the edge of my seat, but I was looking forward to your response. Based on how quickly you responded after I left the comment, it worked too, didn't it? LOL
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Old 08-01-2014, 10:43 AM
 
6,940 posts, read 8,872,935 times
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You need to teach your youngest to lock the bathroom door, and your oldest to knock before entering. I think a faceful of toothpaste is a pretty decent natural consequence for that kind of invasion of privacy at their age.

But both girls need to learn to cope better, if they are both demanding that you straighten out a small problem like this. You make it sound as if you were hunkered down, hoping they don't become bipolar. Are you teaching them the kind of coping skills that will prevent significant depression and mania, which is only a defense against depression that never lets up? If you aren't up to this job, call in a parenting coach or a family counselor. See if you can find a PMTO-trained counselor.
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Old 08-01-2014, 11:43 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,103 posts, read 17,634,355 times
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Okay first off has the one child who has a bi polar issue been tested ? I think the term bi polar gets thrown around a lot as an excuse for bad behavior on ones part . If you know for sure she has bi polar that should not effect your punishment either way . I say punish them both equally make it very clear to the oldest one , that when someone asks for privacy while using the bathroom they should get it , therefore she crossed the line and needs to be a week with out a cell phone , tv , internet etc and stand firm on this and too bad if Disney family does not like it . The youngest should also be punished for the toothpaste incident and should be made to clean the bathroom for a week . Easy simple punishment but still punishments .Good luck to you .
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Old 08-01-2014, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
5,281 posts, read 4,560,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cliffie View Post
You need to teach your youngest to lock the bathroom door, and your oldest to knock before entering. I think a faceful of toothpaste is a pretty decent natural consequence for that kind of invasion of privacy at their age.

But both girls need to learn to cope better, if they are both demanding that you straighten out a small problem like this. You make it sound as if you were hunkered down, hoping they don't become bipolar. Are you teaching them the kind of coping skills that will prevent significant depression and mania, which is only a defense against depression that never lets up? If you aren't up to this job, call in a parenting coach or a family counselor. See if you can find a PMTO-trained counselor.
What is PMTO? We are working with CBT right now, but obviously if she develops full blown bi-polar, that won't suffice.
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Old 08-01-2014, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
5,281 posts, read 4,560,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I say punish them both equally make it very clear to the oldest one , that when someone asks for privacy while using the bathroom they should get it , therefore she crossed the line and needs to be a week with out a cell phone , tv , internet etc and stand firm on this and too bad if Disney family does not like it . The youngest should also be punished for the toothpaste incident and should be made to clean the bathroom for a week . Easy simple punishment but still punishments .Good luck to you .
I love the cleaning the bathroom idea!

As for oldest, she is currently in rehearsal for two shows at once...55 hours per week. She is doing AP summer homework and setting up the schedule for Drama Club for the school year. She runs her 'business' like an adult, and to remove electronic or transportation privileges would inhibit all that work and be super inconvenient for me!

And yes, I know all this pressure she puts on herself is a big part of what makes her pop her cork at her sister.
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Old 08-01-2014, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,956 posts, read 98,776,620 times
Reputation: 31371
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Okay first off has the one child who has a bi polar issue been tested ? I think the term bi polar gets thrown around a lot as an excuse for bad behavior on ones part . If you know for sure she has bi polar that should not effect your punishment either way . I say punish them both equally make it very clear to the oldest one , that when someone asks for privacy while using the bathroom they should get it , therefore she crossed the line and needs to be a week with out a cell phone , tv , internet etc and stand firm on this and too bad if Disney family does not like it . The youngest should also be punished for the toothpaste incident and should be made to clean the bathroom for a week . Easy simple punishment but still punishments .Good luck to you .
No one should be punished by the mom. It's all hearsay, some of it documentalbe (scratches, toothpaste), some not (pushed vs hit, left door open a crack vs larger opening,etc). It didn't happen on Mom's watch. If mom feels she absolutely must punish, then punish equally. I agree that taking away phones, cars, etc can be as hard on the parent as the kid. I did take the car away sometimes for social events, but let them drive for other things such as school, sports, trips I wanted them to make such as to the grocery store for me, etc.
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Old 08-01-2014, 07:29 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,103 posts, read 17,634,355 times
Reputation: 22434
well I understand about the electronics bit but find something that works . the bathroom will work for the other one though and she will hate it guarantee you that ...
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Old 08-01-2014, 07:33 PM
 
5,563 posts, read 7,635,104 times
Reputation: 5829
Tell her she should have gotten out of the bathroom when asked, and have a talk with both of them about closing the bathroom door!
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Old 08-01-2014, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Miami Metro
1,009 posts, read 1,230,004 times
Reputation: 881
The youngest is right, but it was a stupid argument. Eventually they will make up. Don't make it worse.
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