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The food isn't really a punishment/reward. All she has to do is eat normally, and everything is fine. It's not like she doesn't get to eat if she can't run a 7 minute mile.
FWIW I think 10 is way too old to be having talks about doing something like a "big girl".
She is very naiive, a lot of it is environmental. She's been in the same specialized program (dual language) with the same group of 25 kids who are just as sheltered as she is, and has had the same teacher for 3 years. She still believes in the tooth fairy, Santa etc.
This is why we tend to say " big girl" we don't talk to her thoigh as if she was 5, just that specific phrase is actually all I can think about that is childish as far as what we say
She is very naive, a lot of it is environmental. She's been in the same specialized program (dual language) with the same group of 25 kids who are just as sheltered as she is, and has had the same teacher for 3 years. She still believes in the tooth fairy, Santa etc.
This is why we tend to say " big girl" we don't talk to her though as if she was 5, just that specific phrase is actually all I can think about that is childish as far as what we say
I teach elementary school, there are LOTS of 10 year olds that believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, that is not uncommon at all. In fact, my own daughter is 11 and still believes. I'm going to let her as long as possible.
She is young, kids do weird things, this is just one of those things that she is doing right now. If you are worried about germs, have her wash her hands very well before and after meals, offer the utensils, but let her eat how she wants to. She isn't going to hurt herself by using her hands to eat or scrape off the food from her plate.
My son did this when he was a bit younger than your sister. It was discovered he had a learning disability that involves the process of picking up a writing utensil and writing. NOT penmanship. It's hard to explain unless you've been there. It's an Expressive Writing Disorder but there's another name. Anyway, when he did start using his utensils it took FOR.EVER for him to finish a meal.
I can see the similarity of the mechanics of using a writing instrument and using eating utensils. Some school systems have amazing centers for these kinds of testing. College students and cutting edge stuff. I'd have her tested - they'll check her eyes, hearing everything so it won't be like she's going to be tested for anything negative.
I teach elementary school, there are LOTS of 10 year olds that believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, that is not uncommon at all. In fact, my own daughter is 11 and still believes. I'm going to let her as long as possible.
She is young, kids do weird things, this is just one of those things that she is doing right now. If you are worried about germs, have her wash her hands very well before and after meals, offer the utensils, but let her eat how she wants to. She isn't going to hurt herself by using her hands to eat or scrape off the food from her plate.
I guess 10 isn't that old, that's more my feeling than my mother, our biggest concern is that she is going to middle school, in my mind middle school should= no more make believe stuff. We are concerned about bullying esp if this is how she eats at school (which we don't know)
My son did this when he was a bit younger than your sister. It was discovered he had a learning disability that involves the process of picking up a writing utensil and writing. NOT penmanship. It's hard to explain unless you've been there. It's an Expressive Writing Disorder but there's another name. Anyway, when he did start using his utensils it took FOR.EVER for him to finish a meal.
I can see the similarity of the mechanics of using a writing instrument and using eating utensils. Some school systems have amazing centers for these kinds of testing. College students and cutting edge stuff. I'd have her tested - they'll check her eyes, hearing everything so it won't be like she's going to be tested for anything negative.
Hmm, she does eat very slowly, I have never heard about this but I'll definitely look into it! She is diagnosed ADHD so I guess once we got that diagnosis we didn't think Mich else was truly an issue of the sort.
I guess 10 isn't that old, that's more my feeling than my mother, our biggest concern is that she is going to middle school, in my mind middle school should= no more make believe stuff. We are concerned about bullying esp if this is how she eats at school (which we don't know)
She won't do it at school. Lighten up about middle school. Your worry and concern about middle school could cause her to worry. Stop telling her how to behave---such as no more make believe stuff---in relation to the upcoming change to middle school!
Did your sister eat with utensils at ages 6, 7, 8, 9 & part of year ten? If she did, then she did not suddenly develop some motor skill problem, did not suddenly develop a dislike of the taste of metal , etc. Once a child learns a skill and uses it consistently for a long time, they won't lose that skill.
I agree with Hopes. She will not do this at school. She will not do it because she will be laughed at & teased unmercifully. She does it at home because she can get away with it.
I still suspect there is something emotional going on with her that is causing her to seek attention at home. It may be worry that her class of the same children for three years will be broken up. She may be picking up on your concern over her going to middle school. Try to present a more enthusiastic attitude about her new school. Don't make it a daily topic of conversation. Do sit down and talk to her to try to discover what might be bothering her. .
PS- don't worry about her eating slow- lots of kids do. This is not an ADHD thing- it's just a kid behavior.
There are many cultures where eating with your hands is acceptable and the preferred method for dining.
I was going to mention something like this. My in-laws often eat foods like rice, pasta, oatmeal, boiled vegetables and beans with their hands. Sometimes they use utensils and sometimes not, and this goes for people of all ages.
Did you ask your sister why she does this? If she's never done this before and no one else in the family does it then ask her where she got the idea. Maybe she saw it at a friend's house or on TV. Kids pick up the weirdest habits, as you know. I agree with others who say kids at school will set her straight if she eats like this in the cafeteria, but then again she could be eating stuff like cupcakes and sandwiches there. Also has she been taught how to properly use utensils for various foods? I'm not trying to insult you all, just wondering because my parents never did and then acted appalled when I would hold my spoon like a shovel and such. Like your mom I have never seen a child that age scrape rice off her plate, for example, so my best guess is she learned from someone else.
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Eating with your hands
My in-laws often eat foods like rice, pasta, oatmeal, boiled vegetables and beans with their hands. Sometimes they use utensils and sometimes not, and this goes for people of all ages.
