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Old 08-03-2014, 06:31 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,958,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
Being manipulative does not constitute a personality disorder.
Except he's not just manipulative. He is cold and callous and has zero regard for others except when it benefits him. As maciesmom said, he could simply be a self-centered teenager to the extreme. But he could be developing personality traits of a personality disorder. Time will tell which one.

 
Old 08-03-2014, 06:42 PM
 
Location: Bangor,Maine
35 posts, read 34,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Except he's not just manipulative. He is cold and callous and has zero regard for others except when it benefits him. As maciesmom said, he could simply be a self-centered teenager to the extreme. But he could be developing personality traits of a personality disorder. Time will tell which one.
He used to be the exact opposite of this. I remember when he was devastated after my husband I told him that my brother in law was not coming back from Iraq. When the mother of one of his friend's mother's died from pain pills and one of our neighbors was busted for drug trafficking, he was stuck on the topic for months. He kept on researching the causes of what is now our state's heroin epidemic. I don't think he ever really moved on from these events.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,046 posts, read 37,675,762 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
Being manipulative does not constitute a personality disorder.
It is a big fat symptom of a couple of personality disorders.

He is almost out of high school, smart, successful with women, and works three jobs? At this point, you will just have to step back and watch what unfolds because you have nothing he wants. He has told you as much.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Bangor,Maine
35 posts, read 34,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
It is a big fat symptom of a couple of personality disorders.

He is almost out of high school, smart, successful with women, and works three jobs? At this point, you will just have to step back and watch what unfolds because you have nothing he wants. He has told you as much.
Should I make him see a therapist? I don't think he is actually a threat to anybody.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 07:30 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,958,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545
I don;t think this was inborn. I think for my son at least, he developed it over time. His mindset is survival of the fittest.
It doesn't have to be genetics to run in families. Personality traits can run in families because household environments run in families. Many people hold the same beliefs as their parents and raise children the way they were raised. Others rebel and disregard their parents' beliefs, like your brother did and your son is doing. That can be typical of teenagers, and they can end up embracing their parents' ideals when they get older. Or they can end up like your brother and retain opposing values throughout life. (This can happen with good and bad family values, like racism for example.) Since your son is almost an adult, there isn't much you can do but watch it unfold over the years and see who he becomes in the future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
Should I make him see a therapist? I don't think he is actually a threat to anybody.
Nobody is saying he's a threat to anyone. There are many nonviolent people walking around with personality disorders. How do you think you can MAKE him see a therapist when you can't even make him not watch TV? It won't matter anyway at this point. Personality disorders aren't easily treated because the people who have personality disorders don't think there is anything wrong with them.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 07:38 PM
 
13,010 posts, read 12,440,016 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
Should I make him see a therapist? I don't think he is actually a threat to anybody.
I would get him to a therapist. But he MAY not have a personality disorder. Really smart kids can develop some really repellant views while they are hashing out who they are and their personal code. It's an angsty time and he may be lashing out due to anxiety or depression. His callousness could simply be a self-protective shell - there's a lot of emotions running rampant at that age.

This is likely his "rebellion" - so maybe it's time to just stop letting him get a rise out of you. When you respond to his more repellant utterances, simply say "Well that's disappointing"; "We'll agree to disagree"; or simply a withering "Wow."

When he's rude to you or others (like his sister!), take away his privileges. A teenaged boy in your household has to have SOME things he owes to you.

Honestly, part of me thinks having someone whom he respects or looks up to in your family or circle of friends just have the "don't be a dick" talk with him might have a big impact. It's not something YOU as a parent can do, but jesus, if someone I'd looked up to had taken me aside and had a friendly "I'm concerned you're turning into an a-hole" talk with me at that age, it would have turned my world upside down. You're his parents, so you're already classed as idiots in his mind, but he's gotta have someone he looks up to, doesn't he?
 
Old 08-03-2014, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,046 posts, read 37,675,762 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
Should I make him see a therapist? I don't think he is actually a threat to anybody.
You all should go in for family counseling.

He may not be threatening, but if he continues down this path he has the capacity to make himself and anyone who tries to love him miserable.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,046 posts, read 37,675,762 times
Reputation: 73658
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post

Honestly, part of me thinks having someone whom he respects or looks up to in your family or circle of friends just have the "don't be a dick" talk with him might have a big impact. It's not something YOU as a parent can do, but jesus, if someone I'd looked up to had taken me aside and had a friendly "I'm concerned you're turning into an a-hole" talk with me at that age, it would have turned my world upside down. You're his parents, so you're already classed as idiots in his mind, but he's gotta have someone he looks up to, doesn't he?
This actually can work wonders with smart boys who have forgotten just where they rank.

It can actually be especially effective coming from Mom, because they aren't used to you talking to them like a dude. In each of the examples you gave in your OP, you should have taken him to another room at that very moment and told him to stop being an *sshole.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 07:48 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,325,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
My son is going into senior year and has developed a very callous attitude. This got worse after he took AP Biology and started applying the ideas to human life. For example, he makes jokes about my sister's fertility issues. He has called adoption an institution that allows for gays and steriles to live out their delusions of having kids. Also, he has called religious people including his own grandparents retards. He also said that he only cares about people when he benefits. There seems to be no compassion left in him and it breaks my heart that he sees the world through lens of Social Darwinism. He used to be such a happy go lucky child but that faded as he got exposed to the news and the world around him What should I do?
Oh this is VERY simple. If I had a son who was calling his own grandparents "retards" he'd find out that putting his feet under MY dining room table was a waste of his time. Anyone who decides he's not going to show respect .... doesn't get fed.

Decide to mouth off? Lucky you, Junior. You get to learn the consequences.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Greater NYC
2,857 posts, read 4,694,079 times
Reputation: 3751
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
He also said that he only cares about people when he benefits.
Am I the only one who whispered sociopath or psychopath after reading this and all of the OP's subsequent detail surrounding said son? The above statement from the son a hallmark of the definition of both. The above trait is often shared by both... as is another trait: "callousness and lack of empathy."

Although, OP, you say he wasn't always this way which would point to sociopathic tendencies which stem from environmental factors; psychopathy is believed to be caused by genetics and hereditary factors.

Regardless, therapy seems a given.
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