U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 08-03-2014, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Bangor,Maine
35 posts, read 35,019 times
Reputation: 20

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Oh this is VERY simple. If I had a son who was calling his own grandparents "retards" he'd find out that putting his feet under MY dining room table was a waste of his time. Anyone who decides he's not going to show respect .... doesn't get fed.
He thinks that respect is earned. He also know how to hunt and cook. (backwoods Maine)

 
Old 08-03-2014, 08:52 PM
 
20,484 posts, read 26,621,404 times
Reputation: 13205
What I don't understand is why you've tried to block news channels from someone who's almost an adult. He's probably just reacting to this type of controlling behavior.

It's too late now, but you could have watched the news with him and had conversations about different issues. That would have helped establish some authentic communication and perhaps even helped develop a base for your relationship with your son as an adult. He may felt that you treated him like a little kid when you tried to block the news from him, and that's going to make any boy his age angry.

Hopefully, he's just posturing.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 08:57 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,238,968 times
Reputation: 30265
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Oh this is VERY simple. If I had a son who was calling his own grandparents "retards" he'd find out that putting his feet under MY dining room table was a waste of his time. Anyone who decides he's not going to show respect .... doesn't get fed.

Decide to mouth off? Lucky you, Junior. You get to learn the consequences.
I was thinking something similar when she said she couldn't enforce punishments. She could stop cooking dinner, doing his laundry, etc. Let him make his own food and wash his own clothes. Don't do one little thing for him as long as he is disrespectful. No rides anywhere. No borrowing the car. The options are unlimited. It's very easy to enforce not doing something for someone if you can't make them do something.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:00 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,529 posts, read 16,033,280 times
Reputation: 39009
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Oh this is VERY simple. If I had a son who was calling his own grandparents "retards" he'd find out that putting his feet under MY dining room table was a waste of his time. Anyone who decides he's not going to show respect .... doesn't get fed.

Decide to mouth off? Lucky you, Junior. You get to learn the consequences.
I agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Idlewile View Post
Am I the only one who whispered sociopath or psychopath after reading this and all of the OP's subsequent detail surrounding said son? The above statement from the son a hallmark of the definition of both. The above trait is often shared by both... as is another trait: "callousness and lack of empathy."

Although, OP, you say he wasn't always this way which would point to sociopathic tendencies which stem from environmental factors; psychopathy is believed to be caused by genetics and hereditary factors.

Regardless, therapy seems a given.
I also thought potential "sociopath or psychopath" when I read the comments.

I also think that therapy is in order.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:00 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,238,968 times
Reputation: 30265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idlewile View Post
Am I the only one who whispered sociopath or psychopath after reading this and all of the OP's subsequent detail surrounding said son?
You weren't the only one. It stood out for quite a few posters.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:05 PM
 
20,484 posts, read 26,621,404 times
Reputation: 13205
This is an interesting thread. Your son has some good life skills, it seems, and he gets along well with his peers and teachers. He works, some of his beliefs seem pretty sound (you mentioned he believes that respect has to be earned). Some of the things he says bother you; I'm sure he knows that. That's his way of thumbing his nose at you.

Is he calling his grandparents "retards" to their faces or is it something he says only to you to get a rise out of you?

I didn't whisper sociopath or psychopath when I read this -- I whispered controlling parent and a kid who knows just how to yank your chain.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:08 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,238,968 times
Reputation: 30265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
He thinks that respect is earned.
I think respect is earned too. Nobody deserves it for no reason whatsoever. But my feelings about respect being earned doesn't stop me from adhering to society's standards for manners.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
He also know how to hunt and cook. (backwoods Maine)
Then let him start fending for himself. You are only required to provide him with food, clothing, shelter and medical care. At his age, that doesn't mean you need to cook the food, clean the clothes, clean the bedroom, and call to make doctor's appointment for him. If he's not going to treat you and family with respect, he can do everything on his own. Just make sure the basic necessities are available for him to prepare for himself.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:09 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,426,352 times
Reputation: 32248
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
He also know how to hunt and cook. (backwoods Maine)

So what? Knowing how and actually doing it are two different things. (Backwoods Maine gets how many feet of snow during the school year?)

He's got opinions. Whoop dee doo. So does everyone else on the planet. Does he get to have them? Of course. Does he get to state his opinion that Grandma and Grandpa are retards? Apparently he does. Because he has a mother who is oddly quick to give herself an excuse for not being...... a parent.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Bangor,Maine
35 posts, read 35,019 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I think respect is earned too. Nobody deserves it for no reason whatsoever. But my feelings about respect being earned doesn't stop me from adhering to society's standards for manners.


The let him start fending for himself. You are only required to provide him with food, clothing, shelter and medical care. At his age, that doesn't mean you need to cook the food, clean the clothes, clean the bedroom, and call to make doctor's appointment for him. If he's not going to treat you and family with respect, he can do everything on his own. Just make sure the basic necessities are available for him to prepare for himself.
What does it accomplish then?
 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:10 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,238,968 times
Reputation: 30265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metlakatla View Post
I didn't whisper sociopath or psychopath when I read this -- I whispered controlling parent and a kid who knows just how to yank your chain.
I alternated between whispering both. lol
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top