U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Easter!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:54 PM
 
20,482 posts, read 26,615,772 times
Reputation: 13199

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
I'm just shocked by the sheer cruelty of what he says. He wonder why my sister hasn't been divorced yet be cause she failed to do what a wife is supposed to do according to him.
What really matters here is whether he's saying this stuff straight to your sister's face or just to you. It's my suspicion he's saying it just to you because he knows it'll get your tail in a knot.

Stop talking about family with him. Just don't do it. Cut the conversation off calmly and quickly. But don't stop talking. Talk about future plans, what he wants to do after graduation, that sort of thing. Maybe help him make a college plan.

You know, I recall my son's last three months in my home. He was due to fly out to Europe for several months and then onto college. This was one of the best -- but very bittersweet -- times in my life.

Having my son in the house then was just like living with a well-mannered, pleasant, intelligent adult - because that's what he was. What I'm trying to say is that it's tough for us mothers to let go of our sons, but once we do, something pretty cool happens. They become the men they were meant to be.

I have a feeling that's where you're at with your son. You're trying to hold onto the little boy while the man is fighting to get out.

 
Old 08-03-2014, 09:56 PM
 
20,482 posts, read 26,615,772 times
Reputation: 13199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Since her parents are religious and her brother turned out similarly to her son, I suspect her parents raised their children similar to how the OP is trying to raise her son---via trying to isolate them from the world and force their beliefs. The OP's brother and son simply rebelled from the family values and attempts at oppression.
I'm sure this is a huge part of it. Kids from that sort of background often end up having to chew their legs off to get out of the trap.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 10:04 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,218,205 times
Reputation: 30265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
Many women are willing to make the trade of kids and sex for a big house and financial security. Marriages that have a business understanding in them probably last longer.
Did you make that trade?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
How is me cutting him off supposed to change how he views me or women?
The more you ask this question, the more I understand how he became who he is today.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,528 posts, read 16,025,498 times
Reputation: 39005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
He will not listen to me no matter what. To him I'm a dumb housewife and nothing more. He's smarter than me and is not afraid of me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Seriously? He learns that people won't do things for him unless he develops manners!!!!! You are cooking and cleaning for someone who treats you disrespectfully and thinks you are stupid. What does that say about your self worth? What person in the real world would do that for him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
That's why you should stop doing things for him. Let him do the stupid housewife stuff for himself.

Your doing things for him while he walks all over you just validates his belief you are stupid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
He will do it himself he refuses to lose no matter what.
So, let him do everything for himself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
So let him win and do everything for himself including paying his own cell phone bill, getting a ride to work, purchasing clothing, purchasing and preparing food, doing his own laundry.

You are continuing to teach him it is okay to treat you like poo on his shoe, refer to his grandparents as retards and completely trample over you like an old used up doormat.

If he is so smart then let him be smart enough to completely fend for himself.
He should be close to 18 if he isn't 18 already so your legal obligations are just about over.
As soon as he is 18 out the door he goes into the bigger, badder, more attitude filled real world than he is able to deal with.
These are a few of the responses that you need to reread.

I was just wondering if your son is treating you the same way that his father treats you? Does your husband consider you "just a dumb housewife" and also treats you and others with disrespect? Did your husband agree that his parents or in-laws are "retards"?

If the answer is no, then why isn't your husband, as well as you, standing up for your dignity and your rights and the dignity and rights of others?

(The reason that I brought up the husband is that sometimes/often emotionally abused wives do not recognize the abuse from their husbands or just ignore the abuse until they see their child or children copying the same emotionally abusive behavior. This may or may not be a factor in this situation. But, wouldn't the dad also be trying to help his son interact appropriately with his wife, parents & SIL?)

Last edited by germaine2626; 08-03-2014 at 10:13 PM..
 
Old 08-03-2014, 10:07 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,419,108 times
Reputation: 32248
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post

(Dew meant he learned how to be stubborn from you.)
Actually I meant he learned how to adjust from her. The OP two-steps with new partners with amazing deftness.

She's gotten a number of good ideas and suggestions in this thread. And has come up (showing lightning-quick speed) with an equal number of excuses (not reasons) for why she can't follow them. Giving advice to someone who responds with "But I can't do that" before they even take the time to consider what's being said to them is an exercise in futility.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Bangor,Maine
35 posts, read 35,013 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
So, let him do everything for himself.



These are a few of the responses that you need to reread.

I was wondering if your son is treating you the same way that his father treats you? Does your husband consider you "just a dumb housewife" and also treat you and others with disrespect?

If the answer is no, then why isn't your husband, as well as you, standing up for your dignity and your rights?
my husband is wonderful. My son doesn't respect him either. According to my son he is soft and stains the family name because according to him they don't apologize or accommodate.

Last edited by Jaded; 08-04-2014 at 12:05 PM..
 
Old 08-03-2014, 10:16 PM
 
13,029 posts, read 12,512,872 times
Reputation: 37341
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
my husband is wonderful. My son doesn't respect him either. According to my son he is soft and stains the family name because according to him they don't apologize or accommodate.
Then tell him disrespect will not be tolerated and he can find other accommodations when he turns 18.

"I don't like the person you're becoming. If you can't be respectful to your family, it's time for you to live elsewhere."

It's really quite simple.

Last edited by Jaded; 08-04-2014 at 12:06 PM..
 
Old 08-03-2014, 10:19 PM
eok
 
6,684 posts, read 2,963,223 times
Reputation: 8444
The real problem is that you love him too much, and love makes you blind. Teenagers aren't human. You should only love humans. Find an excuse to send him somewhere far away, till he reaches age 20 and becomes human again.

You keep complaining about him, but don't recognize that compared to most teenagers he's practically a miracle. Lots of parents reading this would gladly trade you theirs for yours. But they're still teenagers, and should not be confused with humans.
 
Old 08-03-2014, 10:20 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,218,205 times
Reputation: 30265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
my husband is wonderful. My son doesn't respect him either. According to my son he is soft and stains the family name because according to him they don't apologize or accommodate.
Then if you and your husband want his respect, you should stop accommodating him and make no apologies about it. Natural consequences. If he truly believes this, make him live it. He only respects people who earn respect. You and your husband just do for someone who treats you badly. That's not what people who respect themselves do. You're not earning respect by letting him walk on you. He'd never cook and clean for someone who treats him the way he's treating you. He only does things for people when it's to his advantage. You and your husband are just giving him everything without requiring anything of him.

Last edited by Jaded; 08-04-2014 at 12:06 PM..
 
Old 08-03-2014, 10:21 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,528 posts, read 16,025,498 times
Reputation: 39005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina545 View Post
my husband is wonderful. My son doesn't respect him either. According to my son he is soft and stains the family name because according to him they don't apologize or accommodate.
Hmmm, an 18 or almost 18 year old who openly ridicules both his mother and his father (as well as his grandparents and aunt) ?

I suggest that you check your state laws on when you are legally able to order him to leave your home. It may be on his 18th birthday (or the day after he graduates from high school, in some states).

If he is "so smart" and so superior to everyone than he should not have any trouble being able to be 100% totally self-sufficient. Someone that smart & superior should not have any trouble getting his own apartment and paying for all of his own expenses (food, utilities, cell phone, car, college, everything).

I usually do not recommend kicking out a teenager but in this case it probably is warranted as a very loud "wake up notice" to him.

Last edited by Jaded; 08-04-2014 at 12:07 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top