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Old 12-21-2007, 07:18 AM
 
419 posts, read 1,808,429 times
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I hate to say it but my 11 year old nephew is a real nerd. He had NO Friends at all and really does not talk to anyone other than his teachers. He used to be a friendly little boy but liked to talk about things that were quite strange and really had no interest to kids his age. He became an outsider at age 7 and never really recovered. His IQ is at the genius level but his memory is poor so he gets only C's in school. He is terrible in sports which makes him even more of an outcast because that is what gives kids prestige at his school.

His parents send him to all kinds of organized activities but no one has anything to do with him. So he participates in silence. I tell my sister she needs to send him to get professional help but she disagrees and says no one can learn how to make friends or have social skills, popularity is just something you have or not.

So, do you think professional help can make the boy have friends?
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Old 12-21-2007, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
3,589 posts, read 2,971,445 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by questioner2 View Post
I hate to say it but my 11 year old nephew is a real nerd. He had NO Friends at all and really does not talk to anyone other than his teachers. He used to be a friendly little boy but liked to talk about things that were quite strange and really had no interest to kids his age. He became an outsider at age 7 and never really recovered. His IQ is at the genius level but his memory is poor so he gets only C's in school. He is terrible in sports which makes him even more of an outcast because that is what gives kids prestige at his school.

His parents send him to all kinds of organized activities but no one has anything to do with him. So he participates in silence. I tell my sister she needs to send him to get professional help but she disagrees and says no one can learn how to make friends or have social skills, popularity is just something you have or not.

So, do you think professional help can make the boy have friends?
If he has some kind of problem with social anxiety, sure, he can benefit from professional help. However, some people are just naturally quiet, withdrawn, and reserved. I was very geeky and socially awkward at that age too, but things got a lot better in high school when people began to value smarts almost as much as sports. Being smart in my HS was just as important as being popular.

I'd also want to know why he has such a high IQ but makes nothing but Cs. I'd say it's more important to help him with any potential learning disability he may have so he can start making good grades; it's important in HS if you want to go to college.
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Old 12-21-2007, 07:44 AM
 
Location: alt reality
1,084 posts, read 1,949,067 times
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He may just be a loner and is content with his own company. Unless he specifically stated that he wants friends and actually wants to be in the in-crowd, don't make him feel like there's something wrong with him if he is happy otherwise. When he hits highschool he may break out of it, or he may not. If he doesn't, you guys will just have to accept him for who he is. Trust me, I have 1st hand experience with this
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Old 12-21-2007, 07:45 AM
 
Location: NJ
2,212 posts, read 6,172,653 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by questioner2 View Post
I hate to say it but my 11 year old nephew is a real nerd. He had NO Friends at all and really does not talk to anyone other than his teachers. He used to be a friendly little boy but liked to talk about things that were quite strange and really had no interest to kids his age. He became an outsider at age 7 and never really recovered. His IQ is at the genius level but his memory is poor so he gets only C's in school. He is terrible in sports which makes him even more of an outcast because that is what gives kids prestige at his school.

His parents send him to all kinds of organized activities but no one has anything to do with him. So he participates in silence. I tell my sister she needs to send him to get professional help but she disagrees and says no one can learn how to make friends or have social skills, popularity is just something you have or not.

So, do you think professional help can make the boy have friends?

Poor boy, he must be absolutely miserable.

Some people have trouble reading social cues, it is as much a skill as anything else.
There are actually therapists who work with autistic kids and kids with aspergers to actually train them to function better with their peers - they teach them how to ask leading questions, how to respond effectively. So yes, you can actually be taught to have social skills. It certainly wouldn't make him the most popular kid in school, but it MAY actually help him to function.
I also feel for your sister - it can be the hardest thing in the world to see your child struggle, and also the hardest to admit that your child may need help. I tend to feel that the US is a little obsessed with therapists, but if the child is really miserable, then trying to get him help couldn't hurt.

At the very least it is something to explore. I would start with the guidance staff or school psychologist at school, if the school has one.
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Old 12-21-2007, 08:02 AM
 
Location: huh?
3,099 posts, read 1,912,002 times
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i dont know. why not try music lessons? nerds tend to excel in something like music as opposed to sport and your nephew might be able to make friends with other nerds and learn social skills and how to be a part of a group through playing music with others. i dont know that he necessarily needs professional help at this point. i dont think that kind of help would help him to make friends. he is still so young maybe all he needs is time. he may very well end up being this way for the rest of his life though. he probably just cant relate to average kids who arent concerned or thinking about anything that he thinks about.
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Old 12-21-2007, 08:32 AM
 
3,535 posts, read 6,952,734 times
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I may be going overboard, but Aspergers totally jumped to mind. It's a form of high functioning autism characterized by difficulties in social interactions and a narrow focus on a few interests and activities. It does not affect one's cognitive development.

What is Asperger's?

With some help many of those Asperger's go on to live very normal lives. But if it is Asperger's a diagnosis may help get him understand that it's not anything he's "doing wrong."
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Old 12-21-2007, 08:59 AM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 36,236,200 times
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What kind of school is he in? If he is NOT in a school that has a program for kids that are gifted academically then HE SHOULD BE!!! Then he will be around other kids that are just like him. My oldest is in middle school and has attended a gifted & talented magnet school since kindergarten - they are a breed of their own. These kids in any other school would be "outcasts" but because they all have the same kind of weird views when it comes to fashion, socializing, studying, humor, etc THEY FIT TOGETHER! Trust me, I've seen these kids since they were 5 years old and there are some that you know by looking at them that if they were NOT in this setting they would be picked on all day long and be social outcasts. The programs offered at most schools for the gifted are also at a higher standard and the teachers are also trained to work w/ these kids.

If the school district they are in does not offer any kind of magnet program find one that does. Many times the suburban schools may not but the large city schools do and will allow kids out of their district to attend. If this is not an option then they can find a private school that caters to kids like him and they are out there.
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Old 12-21-2007, 09:45 AM
 
419 posts, read 1,808,429 times
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He is in a private school with many other kids who do well academically but he is also ADHD and has a terrible memory so does poorly in school. He is in the band but is to nerdy to even relate to the band kids!

Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2dfw View Post
What kind of school is he in? If he is NOT in a school that has a program for kids that are gifted academically then HE SHOULD BE!!! Then he will be around other kids that are just like him. My oldest is in middle school and has attended a gifted & talented magnet school since kindergarten - they are a breed of their own. These kids in any other school would be "outcasts" but because they all have the same kind of weird views when it comes to fashion, socializing, studying, humor, etc THEY FIT TOGETHER! Trust me, I've seen these kids since they were 5 years old and there are some that you know by looking at them that if they were NOT in this setting they would be picked on all day long and be social outcasts. The programs offered at most schools for the gifted are also at a higher standard and the teachers are also trained to work w/ these kids.

If the school district they are in does not offer any kind of magnet program find one that does. Many times the suburban schools may not but the large city schools do and will allow kids out of their district to attend. If this is not an option then they can find a private school that caters to kids like him and they are out there.
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Old 12-21-2007, 09:46 AM
 
Location: GA
2,736 posts, read 9,339,539 times
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I agree about the music lessons, or another interest. He must be interested in something and can pursue it. In doing so, he may come in contact with others whose company he will enjoy and develop some relationships. Sometimes kids have issues parents don't see/understand. Therapy may also be an option at some point.
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Old 12-21-2007, 10:06 AM
 
2,484 posts, read 7,899,526 times
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Question--

Is he happy? If so, then we have no problem here.
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