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Old 08-07-2014, 06:12 PM
 
Location: IE CA.
643 posts, read 2,169,697 times
Reputation: 240

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You knew this was a possibility when you married this woman. Otherwise you wouldn't have sat down and told the children this is the one thing they cannot do. And you will be buying the diapers regardless of where she lives. Help her get into am apartment and on assistance in a yr or so. Or now if that's how you feel. But one way or another you will be helpi g to raise this child. She will not be ready to be the mom the kid needs for some years from now. And by then your wife will feel like mommy anyhow. You have to either accept it or divorce
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Old 08-07-2014, 06:45 PM
 
12,633 posts, read 14,650,234 times
Reputation: 14169
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
Actually, I'd say you shouldn't just kick your kids to the curb even the second they are 18 because your spouse demands it.

In so far as this "love" thing that Dave mentioned, I'd point out that it goes both ways - meaning that, if you love your spouse, sometimes you have to accept some things you don't want to. If you won't, how is that love? Dave, like OP, has some growing up to do.
Agreed on all counts. I said 18 because that's when they are technically adults, but anyone with kids knows that they aren't magically self sufficient at 18. Any MAN would understand that the needs of child come before his "needs."
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Old 08-07-2014, 06:59 PM
 
9,776 posts, read 7,693,567 times
Reputation: 17639
Quote:
Originally Posted by coltoncity View Post
You knew this was a possibility when you married this woman. Otherwise you wouldn't have sat down and told the children this is the one thing they cannot do. And you will be buying the diapers regardless of where she lives. Help her get into am apartment and on assistance in a yr or so. Or now if that's how you feel. But one way or another you will be helpi g to raise this child. She will not be ready to be the mom the kid needs for some years from now. And by then your wife will feel like mommy anyhow. You have to either accept it or divorce
(sigh). Please read the OP's update: Post #98. He has no intention of divorcing his wife or booting out his stepdaughter, and his attitude has done an almost complete turn-around from his initial post.

I do wish people would read all of threads dealing with sensitive and perhaps controversial topics, instead of posting after reading just the first few entries. Circumstances and people's initial reactions change, and they certainly did in this particular thread.
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Old 08-07-2014, 07:02 PM
 
9,776 posts, read 7,693,567 times
Reputation: 17639
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingomo View Post
I'm sorry, but didn't you exchange vows with this woman? "For better or worse. For richer or poorer". I guess they mean nothing to you. You don't really love her or you would never think of divorcing her. You are abandoning her when she needs you most. You are a selfish man.

Please read post #98. I know this is a long thread, but do try to keep up. The OP's views have changed considerably since his initial post about his stepdaughter's untimely pregnancy. He has no intention of "abandoning" either his wife or his stepchildren, and you are unjustly judging him without knowing all the facts of the case, because you haven't read this thread in its entirety.
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Old 08-07-2014, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,188,712 times
Reputation: 39680
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I desperately need some advice here since I really don't want to be a part of housing a pregnant minor. 4 years into this new relationship I had a family meeting and I specifically said to my step kids & son that they will have a home until the age of 24 as long as they don't come home pregnant (stepdaughter) and they don't get anyone pregnant (stepson & son from previous marriage). We'll my stepdaughter has always been the brave one and has done things that no1 has ever done before and now she's pregnant!!! For the last two days I've been really stressful and her mom (my newly wed wife) is a mess. We had a conversation yesterday in which I found out that the 16 yr old is keeping the baby (so far) and trying to stay in our house. I told my wife that I don't know if I can handle a baby in my house that isn't our baby. My wife and I talked about having a baby but with our schedule and our lack of time spent together I realized before I married her that there's a strong chance we couldn't have a baby of our own. I'm in my early 30's and I would've live to have a baby with her since all I have is just one son.... I knew this before marrying her and I accepted the possibility of not having anymore babies ever. Having giving up our wants and needs now we get this bombshell from this stupid teen that shows no freaking remorse for her actions. I told my wife that I'm not making her choose between her daughter and me but I don't want a baby in my house and I don't know what tomorrow will bring as far as me staying in this relationship.

We bought a house 3 years ago for the 5 of us and when I married her I chose to be there for her and care for her kids but never would I imagine that her baby would be having a baby at 16. I don't know what to do at all.... This young girl barely know how to clean her room so how is she supposed to care for a baby? I really don't want her in my house when the symptoms come and especially when the baby comes. Her father is a pos who lives with his momma at the age of 44+ so it's not like there's room for her in there and the baby father is 17 and he and his parents are shacking up with his sister in a 2 bedroom apt living off welfare and whatever the system has to offer. He's been texting my wife telling her that he will care for both of them but he's whole family is on welfare and basically homeless!!

Since my wife is my best friend and she's the one who has always been there for me and the light that shines my path I couldn't help but to come clean with all my feelings and I told her that this whole ordeal can break our marriage. No matter how much I try I just can't accept a baby at home that isn't our own. We get by financially but that's just it... Who do you think is going to buy formula, diapers, take time off from work to help her, get her to the doctors and etc? I don't want my wife to go thru that as she was a teen mom herself and I was planning for our future of finally doing things like vacationing, honeymoon, going out to diner, movies and etc without her kids texting her all the damn time. My wife is due for a good life stress free and I really feel that she will end up raising this baby even-though she says that won't happen.

What can I do to overcome something that I'm so against of doing? If I break this rule for my stepdaughter that means that I would have to do the same for my stepson and son. I really just want her out of my house or I can leave them the house.
Good grief man - you say you won't make your wife choose but that is EXACTLY what you are doing.

I feel so sorry for her. You have the opportunity to be the man she can depend on, her hero, and you are totally letting her down.

I don't care that this isn't what you wanted or envisioned for yourself, this is what you got!

Dig deep and man up - be the leader of this family and show some love and compassion.
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Old 08-07-2014, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,188,712 times
Reputation: 39680
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Please read post #98. I know this is a long thread, but do try to keep up. The OP's views have changed considerably since his initial post about his stepdaughter's untimely pregnancy. He has no intention of "abandoning" either his wife or his stepchildren, and you are unjustly judging him without knowing all the facts of the case, because you haven't read this thread in its entirety.
oops, thank you!!!

I did not get to read the whole thread and I'm so glad to hear he has changed his heart and tune on this
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Old 08-07-2014, 07:51 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,398,126 times
Reputation: 32243
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
oops, thank you!!!

I did not get to read the whole thread and I'm so glad to hear he has changed his heart and tune on this
It's what I call the 'C-D Affect' lovesMountains. If a first-time poster has an unusual story to tell and the majority of posters tell him/her to get a grip/grow up/stop being a ninny the OP's attitude miraculously changes and he/she sees the light. Sometimes the OP reports a second party has come into the picture and taken care of whatever it was and the OP no longer needs help. Or advice.

It's quite remarkable.
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Old 08-07-2014, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,089 posts, read 7,266,207 times
Reputation: 2596
I hope the OP posts updates.

It will be nice to hear how they are working this out.

Having gone through a similar experience I would be interested in hearing any ways of working together to make this as painless a situation as possible.

He and his family are riding through one hell of a storm.
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Old 08-07-2014, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,089 posts, read 7,266,207 times
Reputation: 2596
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
It's what I call the 'C-D Affect' lovesMountains. If a new poster has an unusual story to tell and the majority of posters tell him/her to get a grip/grow up/stop being a ninny the OP's attitude miraculously changes and he/she sees the light.

It's quite remarkable.
Sometimes people just need an outlet and a difference of opinion to help them see there are more ways to see something.

Sometimes things are just as they appear. No miracles.

The OP is going through some major emotions and his wife is going through even more intense emotions than he.

Yes, sometimes people do need to hear some tough words to help them see things differently. It's just that there are times we need a little help seeing beyond our noses.
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Old 08-07-2014, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,742 posts, read 9,728,169 times
Reputation: 34622
To be honest, I can't imagine anyone even feeling the way the OP does. Part of being a good Parent is to have unconditional love for your Children and stand by them through good times and bad times.

Is this a pleasant, ideal situation ? Of course not, but people make mistakes, it is part of being a human. If it were me, I would make it work and let the Daughter know I would be right there every step of the way with her.

It might be that terminating the pregnancy or giving the baby up for adoption is the right thing to do, but the family has to sit down AS A FAMILY and work this out. That poor girl is probably scared to death right now, and the last thing she needs is her Parents making her feel like a criminal. She hasn't done anything that lots of other young girls like her haven't done since recorded history.

Parenting is not easy, never has been, but what separates good Parents from not so good Parents is how they deal with the tough issues. It is one thing to say you love your Children, but another thing altogether to show it and prove it.

Good luck.

Don
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