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Old 08-08-2014, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,242 posts, read 37,853,277 times
Reputation: 74005

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Take away her damn phone, especially at night. Get her a new number, whether she wants one or not.

I understand that her friends can support her, to an extent, but this is not a group decision, especially when the group is a bunch of teen girls.

Also, can the family friend stay at YOUR house, instead of sending the daughter over there?? I would want my child near me during these times or at least in her own home. At least can her mom take a day off work?

One more thing ... please STOP with the grandiose statements like, "I am going against everything I believe by letting you stay here ...." All you're doing is adding guilt to an incredibly chaotic situation. Like I said before, this is not about your "rules" anymore.
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Old 08-08-2014, 08:57 AM
 
707 posts, read 993,055 times
Reputation: 791
Don't change the cell phone number, block the number of the boyfriend and turn the phone off at night.
The guy and his mom are immature, but stop making excuses. Turn the phone off- don't feed into the drama. (Why are 14-16 yr old girls giving advice to your daughter)?

If the BF is threatening to leave if she has an abortion, does she really think he will be around when if she has the baby.?
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Old 08-08-2014, 09:07 AM
 
9,776 posts, read 7,685,937 times
Reputation: 17639
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I told my wife the same and even asked her why not just change her cell number? My wife's reply was that this was the guy she chose to give herself to so what will changing her number do if she might later call him.

We live in CT by the way.
Well, changing the number would slow things down a little. It sounds as if your daughter is still very emotionally attached to this boy, and that's going to be hard on her when the scales finally fall from her eyes. Emotions can be very intense at sixteen, and realistic thinking can be sparse.

So how about taking the opposite tack, and invited the boy over for a family dinner? Tell your daughter you want to get to know him better. Use the best china, silverware and linen, have flowers and candles, have soft classical music playing in the background - pull out all the stops. Dress accordingly - coat and tie for you, nice outfit for your wife. Your daughter may wear whatever she likes - that's okay. If she shows up in flip-flops, cut-offs and a worn-out t-shirt, the contrast will be all the stronger.

Treat him with utmost courtesy, verging on formality. Ask him about his opinions about current events, ask him about his hobbies and ambitions and future plans - does he hope to work or go to college, enter the military, or what? What subjects does he enjoy most at school? What are his non-academic interests? Don't talk about the baby at the dinner table - save that for after-dinner conversation away from the table. Then you can ask him how he plans to support your daughter and the baby, if he's had any experience being around babies and small children, if he's aware of what goes on during a pregnancy, and so on. If he admits to having no knowledge of or experience with babies, offer to lend him a few books about childcare and child development, so he'll be prepared to care for his child.

Seeing how he reacts might help enlighten your daughter about his (un)likely prospects as a boyfriend and father. I hope you can get your wife on board with this plan - it's a bit devious, but it should help, and there's always the admittedly faint possibility that the boy will surprise you and rise to the occasion.


Good luck to you and your family - and do keep those teenage girls away from your daughter, if at all possible. It's none of their business, their opinions lack knowledge and maturity, and they're just going to add to your daughter's unhappiness and distress by their efforts to pressure her.
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Old 08-08-2014, 09:38 AM
 
2,321 posts, read 2,367,256 times
Reputation: 2645
Dude -- get real! They won't let her sleep with constant text messages? ROFLMBO Now it seems your stepdaughter is some perfect little angel and the sperm donor is a total bad guy. I'll continue reading this soap opera as it is it finally starting to get interesting.
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Old 08-08-2014, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,198 posts, read 7,500,119 times
Reputation: 17161
Why is no one holding the sixteen year old accountable?

She alone is the one to make the decisions that will effect the entire family?

I'd ship her off to a home for unwed mothers and make her give the child up for adoption.
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Old 08-08-2014, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,242 posts, read 37,853,277 times
Reputation: 74005
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post

I'd ship her off to a home for unwed mothers ....
What, you think it's 1900??
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Old 08-08-2014, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,979,611 times
Reputation: 7250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
Completely false. In many States a minor may become emancipated insofar as making her own medical decisions regarding her pregnancy and adoption.

On the other hand, the parents of the teen have NO legal obligation to support or to care for the grandbaby. However sick this may sound, they could turn their own daughter into the agency in their State that monitors child abuse, etc. and tell them that their daughter has no means of supporting the infant and that they do not intend to support the infant. The State would likely immediately remove the baby unless it can be convinced that the birth mother has the means to support the baby.
No it won't take the baby away because a mom is indigent! What do you think TANF (Temporary Assistance to Needy Families) is for? It won't take the baby away unless there is child abuse! The State will give the teen mom EVERYTHING on Welfare from soup to nuts, including an apartment of her own! They can do this with teenagers (allow a teenager to live as an adult on her own) because once a minor has a baby, they are considered emancipated minors. She won't even have to pay a measly $3.00 copay to see a doctor like other Medicaid recipients have to do now because she's pregnant! The baby's father and parents are right ... Welfare will do everything.

I think the OP should just let her and her shiftless boyfriend go the emancipated minor Welfare route (unless one or both of them actually gets a job ... oh the horror!) and raise the child they had on their own. If they are man and woman enough to take down their pants, they need to be man and woman enough to deal with the results. If he and his wife lets the daughter live in their home free of charge, the result in 99% of the cases is that the daughter will just shift all the responsibility of raising the child on her mother and stepdad ... and then resume running around and possibly get pregnant again. A big part of the teen pregnancy epidemic is parents taking the responsibility off the mother and father of the baby's shoulders. You make it too easy, of course they will do it! A child to them is like a toy or the latest fashion accessory ... and usually they will tire of dealing with it quite quickly. Then what? The "responsible" grandparents will do it all!

My answer to her and her stupid boyfriend would be, "If you want a baby, YOU TWO raise the baby!" Otherwise they will not think twice about becoming even worse dirtbags if she can lean on her mom and stepdad. They need to take responsibility for their choices. The government is very good about handing everything on a silver platter to unwed mothers. Don't worry, she won't starve or "be out on the street," especially with career Welfare recipients like the father and his parents to guide her on the ins and outs of getting everything for free. If the parents aren't made accountable for their unwise choice now, they will never learn.
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Old 08-08-2014, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,979,611 times
Reputation: 7250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I agree. Of course he is disappointed and emotional, but it is very immature for his first reaction to be "her or me."
Sounds like his wife is the one saying "her or me" since she is already looking for another place to live ... without her husband!
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Old 08-08-2014, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,979,611 times
Reputation: 7250
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
BTW, before we go all gloom and doom on the likelihood of this teen to end up hooking in the gutter as her likely future, remember that her mother was a teen mom who apparently "made it".
"Made it" as what? She hooked a man to marry her and take responsibility for helping raise the 3 kids she had with other guys? Wow, what an accomplishment!
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,979,611 times
Reputation: 7250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I wish we could find the states. When I was growing up, two teens in my neighborhood had a baby. The parents of the father paid child support to the parents of the mother. I remember this vividly. I always thought it fell under parents being financially responsible for their minor children's errors. I don't know if this was the law or an agreement between the two families, but I would have felt the same moral obligation to enter into an agreement even if it wasn't required by law if my son got a girl pregnant. As a result, I impressed upon my children the financial ramifications they would be imposing on the family if they ever had an underage pregnancy.


I was thinking the same thing earlier but didn't post it because there's not enough information to know how she "made it".
Did you actually see the checks? How did you know this happened or they were just telling everyone that to save face? If it was true, then the boys' parents were very good people and did it voluntarily, because this is extremely rare and NOT in the law that they have to do this. How many times do I have to tell people ... Uncle Sam becomes the "daddy" for unwed mothers ... no matter how many kids they keep having ... and does a good job of it. Maybe now there is a measly attempt to get money from the father (NOT his parents) by taking away his tax return or suspending his driver's license, but don't kid yourselves, it is nowhere near the cost of just paying for prenatal care and delivering the baby ... let alone all the expenses once the baby is actually born. The taxpayers are on the hook for the vast majority of the expenses when unwed women reproduce irresponsibly and don't have jobs of their own and health insurance of their own.
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