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Old 08-08-2014, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,973,592 times
Reputation: 7250

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I'm still here guys and I've noticed there's about 7-8 pages of replies since my last post. I have not read all of the posts yet...I know there's a bunch of questions that where asked so I will try to go back and answer them.

After my last post I went for a walk just to clear my head and try to come into sense as this has hit us really hard. I thought long and hard and couldn't help but to let the tears release out of my eyes. I'm not going to go into details but my life was never a walk on the park as a child so I had to grow up quick and help my mother feed my brothers. I have a son from a previous marriage that lives with me half the year since I refuse to let him down and have him struggle in life like I did no matter of how much his mother complains and didn't want me in his life since child support was more important to her than my son having me around. I read a lot of posts here and some of you did say that my wife should leave me and that I'm being selfish which in reality I must admit that I was since I was thinking of me instead of all of us.

As I wiped the tears away my 8 year old son called me to find when I was picking him up today and to tell me that he has been behaving good, doing his summer reading and that he cannot wait to spend some time with me. At the end of our conversation he always tells me "i love you dad" but this time the "I love you dad" coming from him hit me deep down like never before. As the water works started pouring I came to realize that life defintiley hasn't stopped throwing me curve balls but I have always managed.... My wife and I surely have had our discussions in the past but we always come to our senses and we never had gone to bed angry at each other. I really do have a wonderful wife which I love and not only do I love my wife but i also remembered that i truly love her daughter as if she was my own since I once went through 4 firefighters 1 policeman just to get to the drunk driver that T boned my family which is a long story. Having a baby is easy but being worth called a mother or father requires a lot and I was not being a father which is something that I told myself that I would never stop being.

I failed my wife by not supporting her and being there for her these last couple of days and this hurts me knowing that I actually failed her and didn't realize that "better or worse" vows taken meant more than just her. We are a family and I'm a man so I realized that her "worse" is now so I need to be there for my family and just like I refuse to let my son down I refuse to let my daughter down as she needs me also. I cannot guarantee that things will be peaches and cream and that I'm a fully changed man but I'm a better man today than I was yesterday. I'm sure life isn't going to stop throwing me those damn curb balls but I have a team by my side to help me/us overcome anything like we have overcome in the past.

If my daughter (I've always hated calling them step kids) wants to keep her baby or give it up I will respect her decision as she is no longer a child and as much as I am against the whole baby thing I will try my hardest to fully support her and my wife and not be a pos and walk out on them. I hope that one day whthe special kind of "I love you" I got from my son will mean everything to my daughter when her baby tells her the same. There will defintiley be rules for as long as she lives under our roof and she still needs to bring home a diploma regardless of how hard it is going to be. I wouldn't know where to start by telling her to be prepared to be raising her baby without the dad being there but I guess between my wife and I we will figure something out. I can pray that this little f-tard really steps up and helps her bit we have been waiting for 2 days to hear from his parents and so far no one has bothered to call us so it doesn't look promising. I've always said that by 24 years of age our kids should be educated enough to have a decent job and take on the world but in this case if my daughter chooses to have her baby she would defintiley have to do everything possible to be out of the house sooner and raise her family. I won't be putting her out at 18 but I need her to understand that she chose to start a family therefore she would need to be on her own a lot sooner than at the age of 24.

My wife slept better last night as I told her that I will support her so now I will have to show her my support but wish me luck as I go home today and set the rules and talk to my daughter.
So I see you have been guilted into taking the responsibility off the real parents' shoulders. Congrats. As for "setting rules," if she didn't listen to the major rule about not getting pregnant and expecting you and her mom to support her, she will not listen to any other rules you set. She will just "yes" you to death now, and after the baby comes she will do whatever she wants because she knows she's got you and her mother now and "you couldn't possibly throw your grandchild out."

To all the people telling the OP to "man up" ... why don't you tell that to the father of the baby? To all the people telling the OP that now he and his wife must take full responsibility ... why don't you post anything about the father's parents needing to take some of the responsibility?

This is why we have so many unwed mothers leeching off society and the proportion of children being raised in broken homes without both parents is shamefully high in this country ... because people make it too easy. There is plenty of birth control in this country and the daughter could probably have gotten it for free.

I feel sad for you that even though you would like a child with your current wife, you both did the responsible thing and didn't have one because you didn't think you were financially ready and now you are saddled with a thoughtless, senseless teenage mother's kid to raise. How sad.
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:23 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,377,870 times
Reputation: 32243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I told my wife the same and even asked her why not just change her cell number? My wife's reply was that this was the guy she chose to give herself to so what will changing her number do if she might later call him.
Really? Your wife won't assert herself and do what's right for her daughter because this is the guy her daughter "gave herself to"? (I haven't heard that term since 1968 but, whatever...) Let's see: because she had sex with this guy, even though he's sending threatening messages and trying to mess with her, your wife thinks she should her keep the phone because she might want to call him later on. Since she slept with him.

Wow. That is one.... ummm...... interesting woman you're married to. Do YOU not have a phone she could use?

Why are you letting her closet herself with a bunch of 14-16 year olds giving her advice on whether or not to keep this baby? Just wondering. Hopefully you know their brains aren't fully functioning at that age.

Last edited by DewDropInn; 08-08-2014 at 01:44 PM..
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,198 posts, read 7,496,371 times
Reputation: 17161
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
What, you think it's 1900??
Nope, the Catholic Church still has homes for these mothers.
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,973,592 times
Reputation: 7250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I'm still here...

There has been a lot going on lately but one thing that hasnt change is the fact that this boys mother has failed to contact us after numerous text messages and voicemails. It has been 6 days today and we have yet to hear from her or any other adult of that family but they have been harassing my daughter and have been making her feel guilty about her decision now.

Yesterday when I got home from work there was some type of intervention going on between my wife, close family friend that daughter sees as a second mom, a few of her closest friends and myself. I really didn't say anything since I wanted to keep what I had to say between my wife and daughter but I can tell you that my daughters friends where all trying to talk her out of it meaning an abortion. My wife was being supportive and so was the family friend as far as her final choice. I said "I'm not kicking you out of our home if you have this baby and I'm going against everything i believe in to be there for you since you have no idea what is about to come your way. You aren't a little girl anymore and we all would've like it if you had finish school but what is done is done and you will have to grow up a lot quicker now. I can't guarantee what tomorrow will bring but I we will take this on day by day".

We'll little did I knew that apparently the boyfriend had been calling her all day and told her he would leave her when my daughter told him that maybe she should get an abortion (don't know what made her think like that when it looked like she was keeping the baby) and he was treating her crap over text messages and insulting her.... My first reactions where to leave my house and go find this little ****er and make sure he isn't able to breed ever again!! As we where in the group her friends where telling her that this isn't the kind of guy you should have a kid with, how dare him be so so disrespectful to you, he doesn't love you, he's already not sticking by your side so what makes you think he's going to be there for the both of you etc... As these young girls ages 14-16 where telling her all of this I must admit times are changed and this changed my perspective of how I viewed teen girls. My wife then steps in and tells her daughter that no matter what she decides she will have her support on what she decides and hugs her daughter. The girls then goes to my daughters room and then after a while they come down and my daughter tells her mom that the boy kept insulting her and threatens to leaves her so she now wants to proceed with an abortion.

I'm going to fast forward since I'm about to start my shift at work!!!
Since my wife and I have to work our friend asked if my daughter can sleep over her house for a couple of days so that she doesn't stay home alone and has some support around her which we agree that was best to do. For the last 2 days this boy and his mother have been harassing my daughter via text putting fear in her and telling her all sorts of things and that she's even going to hell for getting an abortion. She even told her that her son is stressed out and if something happens to him she is responsible and all kinds of crazy things. It's been really bad and they won't even let her sleep with the constant text messages. I find this highly disturbing that the boys mom would contact my daughter but hasn't even bothered to give as a call or answer our texts at all.

I don't know what today will bring but I believe my wife is going to be calling the authorities because of all the harassment and drama they are putting our daughter thru.
If she keeps the baby and doesn't give it up for adoption or have an abortion (that is solely her decision and you are wise not to push it either way), consider this just a little preview of the craziness and drama your family will be going through for the rest of your lives because of him and his family.
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,221 posts, read 37,829,922 times
Reputation: 74002
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
Nope, the Catholic Church still has homes for these mothers.
So? Shipping off "the problem" won't get rid of the problem.
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,973,592 times
Reputation: 7250
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
"they won't even let her sleep with the constant text messages"

This statement is not true.

SHE will NOT allow herself to sleep because SHE will NOT turn off the damned cell phone and block all numbers associated with him and his Mother.
Put the blame where it belongs on this issue.
I agree that it is a tough road to go down and if your daughter is smart she will at the very least get away from this guy and his Mother for good whether she keeps the baby or not.
Since she is a minor and he is as well depending on what state you are in he has no legal claims to this baby until after it is born and paternity is tested but that has to be requested through the courts by him.

Also, if she decides to have this baby IF she is smart she will NOT put this guys name on the child's birth certificate and by law she doesn't have to all she has to do is put "Unknown".
Yes, she should turn off the phone!

If she wants to get public assistance, she will have to name the father because now states want to take a measly amount of money from the fathers.

Also, just putting "unknown" will not work to keep him away. He can legally demand a DNA test, just like the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child did when Anna and her lawyer said the baby was her lawyer's to keep the father away. Now that man has custody of the child.

All he has to do is call "Maury Povitch -- Who's the Father?" for instance and get a free trip and free DNA test. Unwed mothers and fathers are big business to people like Maury and Jerry Springer.
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:42 PM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,710,247 times
Reputation: 40996
Take this irresponsible girl's cell phone away entirely. Since she got herself in this mess, and she's a minor, I think it's time for the parents to start acting like the leaders here. Cut the other family off, they are a bunch of scrubs, and the last thing your daughter needs is lip service from the likes of them. Call an adoption agency ASAP and let them take care of the baby situation. No child deserves to be brought into this situation, and the best thing for that baby is to be loved and raised by two human beings that would do anything to have a child. It's also the best thing for the daughter, as she will have to be pregnant for 9 months and I guarantee you she will be a lot more careful about birth control in the future. I know from experience, because that girl was me 35 years ago.

Last edited by Jaded; 08-10-2014 at 01:37 AM..
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,973,592 times
Reputation: 7250
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Really? Your wife won't assert herself and do what's right for her daughter because this is the guy her daughter "gave herself to"? (I haven't heard that term since 1968 but, whatever...) Let's see: because she had sex with this guy, even though he's sending threatening messages and trying to mess with her, your wife thinks she should her keep the phone because she might want to call him later on. Since she slept with him.

Wow. That is one.... ummm...... interesting woman you're married to.

Why are you letting her closet herself with a bunch of 14-16 year olds giving her advice? Just wondering. You do know their brains aren't fully functioning at that age hopefully and those are the LAST people who should be counseling her on abortion vs. keeping the baby..... Right? Is that a parenting technique? Let her 14-year old teeny bopper friends give her life advice?
Great post! The wife won't assert herself because the pregnant 16 year old is running the show. Why do you think there are 14-16 year old girls taking part in this decision? They shouldn't even be in the house when this discussion is taking place!

If this kid actually decides to get an abortion or gives the child up for adoption, mom and step-dad better "man and woman up" and take her to the doctor for depo shots every three months without FAIL! They also should do this if she keeps the baby, because young women are very fertile and can get pregnant again really fast.

Last edited by I_Love_LI_but; 08-08-2014 at 01:59 PM.. Reason: incorrect assumption
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,778,884 times
Reputation: 4539
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Take this irresponsible girl's cell phone away entirely. Since she got herself in this mess, and she's a minor, I think it's time for the parents to start acting like the leaders here. Cut the other family off, they are a bunch of scrubs, and the last thing your daughter needs is lip service from the likes of them. Call an adoption agency ASAP and let them take care of the baby situation. No child deserves to be brought into this situation, and the best thing for that baby is to be loved and raised by two human beings that would do anything to have a child. It's also the best thing for the daughter, as she will have to be pregnant for 9 months and I guarantee you she will be a lot more careful about birth control in the future. I know from experience, because that girl was me 35 years ago.
1) It's not their choice; it's the girl's choice and the boy's choice whether the child is put up for adoption.

2) OP isn't even the parent here.

Last edited by Jaded; 08-10-2014 at 01:38 AM..
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,973,592 times
Reputation: 7250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
So? Shipping off "the problem" won't get rid of the problem.
When they go to these homes supposedly they agree to give the baby up for adoption immediately upon birth. (Of course they can change their mind, so yeah, you're right, the "problem" may boomerang right back on the mom and step-dad.)
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