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Old 08-08-2014, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,014 posts, read 37,656,456 times
Reputation: 73607

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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
It helps the problem. It gets the daughter away from the home causing less uproar with the entire family. It also gets the daughter away from the boyfriend and her friends who are obviously influencing her.

The daughter SHOULD be held accountable for some of this. Instead it has turned the entire family upside down.

You don't think this will effect the other kids living in the household.
I've read every post in this thread, and if you would also, you would have seen the post written by someone whose older sister got pregnant. She described in very great and personal detail the effect it has on other kids in the household, and I agreed and thanked her for her valuable contribution.

So let's get back to reality here instead of living inside a gothic novel. This is about a family and commitment.

The 16-year-old is pregnant. She will either have a miscarriage, a BABY that she will either have to give up or raise, or an abortion. What the hell else do you want her to do, write, "I will not have sex" a thousand times?
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Old 08-08-2014, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,923,260 times
Reputation: 7249
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
Addressing both this post and your next one -

LMAO...I couldn't find it in a very short period as I have no experience with CT law. I searched for "nonsupport," which is commonly used by states as a term for failure to provide support. I also looked through the statutes briefly; I wasn't going to spend hours looking thoroughly.

TANF is irrelevant here; just because she can get it doesn't mean her parents are not responsible for ensuring that her needs are met
(NOTE: her parents are not responsible for ensuring her child's needs are met). By the way, if you read the law in CT that you posted, she can only get it in most cases if she lives with her parents.

You understand law and I don't? Ha! Please cite the law in any state in this country that shows a child is automatically emancipated when she has a baby.

As far as your point of view, I do think it's bad. I don't think you should simply bail on either your spouse or your child when things get tough.
If you are going to be the one to assert something questionable as fact, you should be prepared to prove it with relevant links and sites if you want other to believe you -- whether it "takes too long" or not. In the future, don't make questionable assertions if you are not prepared to back them up. That's just common sense. Nobody knows who you are on the internet and you are naive if you expect everyone to automatically believe something is a fact just because YOU "say so."

How so? If her parents are responsible for ensuring that her needs are met, she would not be eligible for assistance from the government. Period.

For instance, her parents would be responsible for paying for her prenatal care, ob/gyn visits, the delivery of the baby. We all know that is not true; Medicaid will cover that 100% for pregnant teens if one applies and the pregnant teen's parents are not responsible.

Yes, that is what the law in CT says about minor parents and TANF. Why you think that proves your point that parents are responsible is beyond me, as it shows the opposite. It is, in fact, FURTHER PROOF that the law does not insist her parents are responsible for supporting her as you so assert, because it SPECIFIES she should live with parents or another guardian ... all the while when she is also RECEIVING PUBLIC ASSISTANCE. If your assumption is correct, why is the government giving her ANYTHING while she lives with mommy and daddy? No, they would not be giving her anything and would just make the parents do it all.

Are you assuming that TANF is only for KIDS and does not cover the parent of the kids? That is incorrect. TANF will support the parent and the kids. For one thing, TANF starts assisting mothers-to-be before the baby is even born. And after all, the parent, no matter how old or young, is the caretaker of the kids and will be supported as well. The mother is not left to fend for herself and the government supports her as well, just like similar government assistance plans for families. Take WIC, which means the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children, which provides Federal grants to States for supplemental foods, health care referrals, and nutrition education for low-income pregnant, breastfeeding, and non-breastfeeding postpartum women, and to infants and children up to age five who are found to be at nutritional risk. The mother is certainly a part of that plan, no matter how old or young, just like mothers are supported on TANF, no matter how old or young. Mothers are not "excluded" because they are under age and their parents should pay for it all.

I never said a child is automatically emancipated when she has a baby. In order to be emancipated, there has to be a court procedure and a judge has to grant it. Having a baby is one of the reasons teens seek emancipation, but certainly not the only one.

You need to read my posts again. I never told the OP to "bail" on his wife. Nor did I tell him to tell his wife to "bail" on her daughter.

Last edited by I_Love_LI_but; 08-08-2014 at 03:45 PM..
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Old 08-08-2014, 03:49 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,790,060 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by I_Love_LI_but View Post
Yes, she should turn off the phone!

If she wants to get public assistance, she will have to name the father because now states want to take a measly amount of money from the fathers.

Also, just putting "unknown" will not work to keep him away. He can legally demand a DNA test, just like the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child did when Anna and her lawyer said the baby was her lawyer's to keep the father away. Now that man has custody of the child.

All he has to do is call "Maury Povitch -- Who's the Father?" for instance and get a free trip and free DNA test. Unwed mothers and fathers are big business to people like Maury and Jerry Springer.

It is not required that she add his name to the birth certificate.
If she wants public assistance then she probably has to tell them, these are two different issues.
If he wants a DNA test after the baby is born so be it, let him get the attorney and the court order and pay all the legal fees, court costs and testing fees.

I have no idea what Maury Povitch and Jerry Springer do or who they are.
Is this some sort of television program?
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Old 08-08-2014, 03:54 PM
 
136 posts, read 204,143 times
Reputation: 166
If she applies for assistance, they will want to know the name if the father. If she does not make him, they will cut her TANF by some percentage.

When they have his name, they will eventually (in their own damn slow time) go after him for child support. He will be offered a paternity test through the department. If he has already signed the birth certificate, I'd established as the father, this step will be skipped.

If he does not cooperate, he becomes named as the father "by default" (it will not say "by default" on the modified birth cert).

He will then be ordered by the department to pay support. They will keep a portion as they have been supporting the child. The mother will get the remaining amount, which is called a "gap payment." Her fs will be cut due to the increased income.
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Old 08-08-2014, 03:58 PM
 
9,667 posts, read 7,629,801 times
Reputation: 17500
Quote:
Originally Posted by PatanjaliTwist View Post
I addressed other issues in paragraph 1... did you read those before responding? Why post the same thing 4 times? The OP asked & everyone else's opinion is as important as yours. Relax. Abortion, adoption, divorce, teenaged pregnancy & all the rest are hot issues. Most have held onto their senses here... it's all good.
Your post to which I responded did not reflect in any way that you had read this entire thread, in particular post #98, in which the OP indicated that he had changed his views and intentions.

I posted four different messages because of four individual posters, each of whom appeared to have failed to read this thread in its admittedly lengthy entirety, yet who voiced their opinions without up-to-date, full knowledge of the situation.

No one, least of all me, claims that anyone's opinion is more important than anyone else's opinion. However, I do value informed opinions more highly - if you consider that makes such opinions "more important", that's your view.

And what's with the directive for me to "relax"?
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Old 08-08-2014, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,416 posts, read 27,923,260 times
Reputation: 7249
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
It is not required that she add his name to the birth certificate.
If she wants public assistance then she probably has to tell them, these are two different issues.
If he wants a DNA test after the baby is born so be it, let him get the attorney and the court order and pay all the legal fees, court costs and testing fees.

I have no idea what Maury Povitch and Jerry Springer do or who they are.
Is this some sort of television program?
I guess not, but now there are ways for him to prove he is the dad (provided he wants to).

You don't know Maury and Jerry? You're kidding, right? LOL! You are in for a treat! Here's a general overview of the TV trend:

'Who's Your Daddy?'- Has Reality TV Reached an All-Time Low?*|*Cynthia Lawrence

Quote:
Just when we thought we'd seen all manners of 'train wreck', and 'who's your daddy' dramas on Jerry Springer, Maury, or Judge Judy, along comes a new hybrid. Paternity Court is the latest courtroom TV show aired in the States and has already proved to be a huge success. Set in a non-traditional courtroom, (with a studio audience), families can settle paternity disputes by DNA testing once and for all.
Feast your eyes on this Maury snippet of an all out dancing celebration when someone is declared "NOT the father" (and there are many more on YouTube):


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGtWssdauME

As for Jerry, here's an overview of the topic in "scientific" presentation format:

Jerry Springer: Who's the Dad? by Van Le on Prezi
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Old 08-08-2014, 04:06 PM
 
Location: IE CA.
643 posts, read 2,165,211 times
Reputation: 240
They are going to want his name. And she will be emotional enough to cave. They will gert a meager amount and if you want her out on her own they will want to talk to you and you will have to tell them you will not house and help your daughter& grandchild. Their job is to save money not be nice. Actually you do have to provide a certain amount of care to a child. A certain amount of clothes, might even be just one ouytfit and a certain number of meals a day etc etc. I only know because my mother was a very dedicated cps worker. But that is overlooked when there is not neglect and abuse happening and someone just needs sme help. That can be done.
It sounds like the kids walk in amd out as they please and the kids make decisions. It would be easier on Everyone if the adults in this situation took control of their house. She may be pregnant but still a minor. Also the maternity home isn't as bad as all that. It would give a respit and I cam guarentee they wouldn't allow there to be a problem with this guy calling. Well more then likely
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Old 08-08-2014, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
9,808 posts, read 15,900,383 times
Reputation: 6211
In many situations a birth mother can opt for an open adoption. She interviews prospective adoptive parents and they come to a written agreement about her right to visit the child, almost the same as visitation agreements in a divorce. Frankly I think that solution meets the needs of many young birth mothers. As that child gets older she will learn she wasn't abandoned or 'thrown away', her birth mother cared for her a great deal. Now is the time for the mother-to-be to start counseling with someone who will help her see her choices and responsibilities.
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Old 08-08-2014, 06:54 PM
 
15,743 posts, read 13,167,427 times
Reputation: 19636
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calliope76 View Post
When a girl becomes pregnant, she can receive TANF, ect regardless of her age. Once she is a mother she is financially emancipated.
This has not been true since the Welfare reform act of 1996.

Teen mothers (under 18) collecting TANF must be living with either their parents or similar familial situation unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances. Additionally, they have to be going to school.

They can collect TANF for themselves and their child, but they are distinctly NOT emancipated, financially or otherwise.
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Old 08-08-2014, 06:56 PM
 
15,743 posts, read 13,167,427 times
Reputation: 19636
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
I missed the post where he said which state they were in. Regardless, the girl's mother is legally responsible for supporting HER (but not her child) until she is 18.
In 13 states (cited previously) and any that have Elizabeth Poor laws, yes, grandparents are frequently held to be financially responsible for the children of their minor children.
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